Stupid reasons you've had to see a doctor.

In My Humble Opinion
41

My mother broke a bone in her foot playing miniature golf.

I broke a bone in my foot when I walked down the steps into the garage too fast and hit the bottom “step” funny. We have a welcome mat which is up on a small platform. So it’s about 2 inches high. And the car is right there. I did this again more recently, minus the broken bone, but I sure pushed my ankle joint around wrong–no doctor, and I think I’m fine now, but I had serious pain for a week or so, and lesser pains for weeks thereafter.

And the story in the OP reminded me of an older lady at church, who lost part of a Q-tip in her ear,
pursued it with a paperclip and then couldn’t get the paperclip out.

Went to the doctor–who is a man from our church who recognized her–told him it was ok to laugh at her, and he told her that the average age of people with paperclips stuck in their ear is more like 4.

42

But hey, at least you were right. That has to be worth something.

43

Jewlers often have them as well. The one I went to didn’t charge. They can also resize the ring after, if you wish.

44

Apropos of nothing but when I was in high school, I was not as up on anatomy as I am now and when my very first contact slid off my eye half an hour after I got them, I may have panicked a little bit that it was going to slide ride around my eyeball and sever the optic nerve. Stupid, I know, but for about 20 seconds there, I was absolutely sure it made sense.

MOL, I also have a bit of graphite embedded in my hand although mine is in the palm. If I weren’t such a wuss, I’d douse my mat knife in rubbing alcohol and dig it out myself but it hasn’t killed me yet.

45

Nine years ago I stepped on a piece of broken glass and got a big narsty cut on the bottom of my left foot.

Two months ago I stepped on a piece of broken glass and got a big nasrsty cut on the bottom of my right foot.

At least I’m evened out now.

46

enh, wouldn’t worry about the graphite. I had a piece in my stomach from 4th grade. Remember when desks had flip tops and you stored stuff in them, about 5 inches deep? For some reason I thought it was fun to balance my pencil, eraser end against that and pointy end against my stomach, while my chair was tipped back. Aaaand of course my chair slid forward, tip went into stomach, tip broke off. There was a grey spot for decades, but it eventually went away. Or got buried under stomach fat…

47

Did it end up permanently stretched? What brand of soap was it? So that I can… umm… avoid it.

48

I don’t know if this was a totally stupid reason to see an MD, but I kind of felt like a giant pussy about it, so I guess it fits.

My feet changed somehow in the past few years - all of a sudden, my favorite 25-year-old boots that I’ve had resoled at least 3 times were killing my toes - like, crushing my big toenail. Likewise my regular dance shoes. And my sneakers. Suddenly, my big toenails are sore and bruised. And ugly.

Anatomical backstory: I do have weird feet. Always have, since I was a kid. My big toe is longer than all my other toes, by at least 1/2 inch. My pinky toes are deformed little cashews that curl under my foot. That said, I take care of them and they look good, particularly in heels.

So, summer comes and I’m glad, because the season of closed-toe shoes is over. Yay for sandals and flip flops! Pretty pedicures so nobody can see the gross ugly bruises on my big toes!
Then one day at work, I’m talking with some of my colleagues and I casually cross my feet and brush one of my foam flip flops against the corner of my right big toenail.

Which then unhinges and springs open like a little treasure chest. Cue gasping, faintness, dramatic background music.

It’s still hanging and attached, which is why I got completely faint and nauseated thinking about how it would feel to just rip it off. Thankfully, my pals brought a chair and had a band-aid to paste it into place temporarily, and I hobbled off to the Urgent Care center. I really, really didn’t want to go to the ER. I figured UC could numb it, snip it off, and cover it before dinner time.
Not so! No, they didn’t like the looks of it, in fact, the attending physician called for a camera and took a whole series of pics of it before she had the front desk make an appointment with a podiatrist for me, first thing next day.

Yeah, by now I’m feeling like a total alarmist, sissy-ass douchebag. But I’m also freaked out that my toenail is 2/3 hanging off. So, first thing next day I’m at the recommended guy’s office, 30 miles away from home and work, he’s injecting lots of novocaine into the offending toe, waiting for effect, excising remaining toenail, wrapping the stump in some insane decorative gauze. I have no idea what the bill came to (thank you, job, for the fine insurance!), but I’m sure after all that it was not insignificant.

2 weeks later the left one came loose. Thank god I could just call the podiatrist guy for that and not have to do the whole UC/ER circuit.

Epilogue: one year later, my hideously deformed toenails have regained their luster and strength. My last remaining vestige of youthful beauty has been restored. As God is my witness, I will never wear too-small shoes again.
The End.

49

I thought I was the only one. Kinda explains the :rolleyes: look the nurse gave me when she was cleaning my ear.

50

A couple of years ago, I broke my foot and sprained my ankle. I tripped on the grout line at work. Seriously.
I once got a concussion in a pillow fight.
I broke my arm twice - once because my brother dropped me, and the second time by falling up the stairs.
And I gave myself a concussion and a beautiful matched pair of massively blacked eyes when my foot slipped while I was getting in my van - pitched me forward so that I cracked my skull on the door opening. (The really terrible part of the last injury: I had met a friend at the pub and had a beer. When I was found passed out behind the wheel, the assumption was that I was drunk. The initial bruise was hidden by my hair. So my pissed off husband collects me, and just takes me home to sleep it off, which I did after puking everything I’d ever eaten. The next day, my forehead starts swelling, on day two, one eye is swollen completely shut and the other’s at half mast. He felt like a total heel for doubting my “appetizer and one beer” story.)

51

The stupidist reason I *should *have seen a doctor was throwing my back out reaching for a pen. Not even very far - not over my head, just, y’know, up a little in a cupholder on a shelf. I heard something go “pop” and I literally fell over like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t even turn over in bed, couldn’t stand, nothin’ for three days. Utter agony. I didn’t see a doctor (no insurance), but I should have. A good massage therapist finally fixed me up. Psoas release FTW.

Or a broken finger. Best to cut the ring off rather than have the finger swell around it and get the blood supply cut off.

(I had a paramedic cut my wedding band off once just because the damn thing wouldn’t budge and it hurt. I divorced my husband and moved in with that same paramedic three weeks later. True story.)

52

I stepped out of the shower and my toe caught in the fold of the towel my brother had left on the floor. The fold then held the toe down and I stepped on it, breaking it. Went to the ER which took x-rays and then taped it to the toe next to it. I had a performance the next evening and danced en pointe. It was ouchy.

I also had an earring get stuck in my ear. Kind of a relief to hear I’m not the only one (30-odd years later!). I had caught it with the hair brush, and the ball part healed into my ear overnight. Minor surgery to cut it out, and that ear still gets infected occasionally.

I banged my toe on a chair while running to answer the door. I was hosting a dinner party, so walked around the house all night cooking and serving. Next morning when I woke up the toe and most of the foot were black. Not bruised, black. Scared the bejeezus out of me - an the ER nurse by the look on her face. Phalanges were broken all the way up, in a line, three breaks.

3-4 months pregnant I reached down to pick up a shampoo bottle from the floor of the shower. Something gave in my lower back and I was unable to even sit up. After an ambulance ride, spent nine days in hospital because they couldn’t image the problem and had no idea what it might be. I finally left there on a Zimmer frame. The problem continued to worsen as my weight increased and changed distribution. By the end I was dragging my right leg behind me, with no feeling in it at all. After Celtling was born they finally took an MRI and saw a rip in the disc, probably had been bulging out and impinging on the nerves.

53

I was sitting doing a crossword recently, and went to put my hand on my chest looking for my pen I think… I found it… embedded the tip of it in my palm and gouged about an inch of skin open in the process. Not deep enough to worry about or need a dr, but annoying.

54

I see two different definitions of “stupid”: the one where you think it’s bad and it turns out to be nothing at all (e.g. the rib bump), and the one where the cause of the situation is stupidity or it’s just a silly injury or whatever.

So: 3 of my 4 broken bones were stupid, by the second definition; Elbow #1, missed when I was stepping up onto a curb. Ran like a cartoon character trying to get my feet back under me, failed, and face-planted about 10 feet away.

Elbow #2, stepped funny walking down some outdoor stairs. Got props for style, as at least I did a full somersault that time. Damn lucky that my “radial neck” was the only neck I broke that day (we found bruises right on my spinal column where I hit the stairs). Oh, and the ER missed it on the X-ray.

Foot: missed a step while walking down the stairs at home.

And in line with Valgard’s thumbnail / desklamp story: as I was exiting the orthopedist’s office (followup for knee / elbow problems), rolled my foot and sprained my ankle. My husband went back in, borrowed a wheelchair, took me back, we bummed an Ace bandage, he went back to the car and grabbed a cane I keep there (yeah, it’s been useful often enough that I like having one handy), and took me home. They could have taken me back in the get the foot checked out, but since I’d just been seen, they said the insurance company would probably decline the visit. Whatever. I didn’t need a doctor to diagnose a sprained ankle (I’m too familiar with them, sigh), nor to tell me RICE it, or even to prescribe Good Drugz for the pain (had a stash at home already, left over from surgery).

55

My latest stupid injury was that I sprained my ankle (level 3) walking out my front door. It took about 3 months to heal and it will never be the same.

(Older stupid injuries: broke my arm in my sleep, fell out of a car and broke my ankle (the car was not moving at the time).

The one I felt the stupidest for after the fact was about two months ago. My back started hurting like a mofo. It felt like something in there was going to explode. Ended up at the ER where they said I probably had a kidney stone. Nope. I had forgotten that when I get extremely nauseated, my back hurts (referred pain). I hadn’t thrown up in a while and I forgot. Once I started throwing up, I knew what it was. I then had to spend two hours convincing them I was fine (but barfy) and could go home. (Though I must be a real freak. Apparently, no one else in the world has this happen to them.)

56

Had a nightmare last night that the ladies from the view had me on trial, I rolled out of bed and hit my forehead on corner of night stand, I probably should get stitches but at my age a bandaid will leave it good enough.

57

My husband gets very emotional during football games. Last weekend, there was a particularly egregious call so he decided to take it out on the couch. He aimed for the cushion on the back but instead hit the wooden frame. I thought for sure he broke his hand considering how much it swelled, but it turned out to be a bone bruise. It’s been really swollen all week, and he hasn’t been able to go to work. Turned out to be a pretty expensive flag. I better not let him watch this weekend’s game…

58

I finally remembered a stupid injury that I had: Years ago, I was taking a tennis lesson with the local college coach at a city park. There was some kind of tournament or league match going on a couple of courts over, and a large crowd gathered to watch (their view was from the end of the set of three courts, so they were looking in my direction). The coach and I were working on hitting overheads, and I was determined to impress him with my effort, if not my execution.

The coach hit one lob particularly deep, and I raised my racquet and moved back, back, back… It was about to get away from me so I reached as far back behind my head as I could… until I literally fell over backward near the baseline. Cue the “giant sucking sound” from the crowd, plus several references to God and Jesus in their various forms.

Now, I have fallen on a tennis court before (lost footing, tripped on a clay court tape, ripped calf muscle to name a few) but never quite so loudly and in such spectacular fashion… or in direct view of so many people. I was absolutely burning with embarrassment and tried to hop up as quickly as I could in the hope that someone out there might not have seen me flopping on the court like an NBA all-star.

To make matters worse, I really was hurt. I play right-handed, but I’m left-handed in most other things, and I came down solidly on my left hand, where the wrist meets the palm, with my arm extended. I sprained the wrist and probably hyperextended it, and it was at least six months before I could write without stiffness or pain. In fact, this incident probably wouldn’t have come to mind if I didn’t currently have tendinitis in that wrist and the same difficulty writing, and I feel sure it’s a remnant of that original injury.

Lessons learned:

  1. Turn sideways when you go back for an overhead, idiot.
  2. When you know you’re going to fall, just give in to it and try to stay loose. Resistance is futile - and dangerous!
59

I went off-roading in a Jeep with my boyfriend back in March. We ended up upside down at one point, but I didn’t think too much of it; we were going down a steep hill at about 3 miles per hour and I was sure it couldn’t have done much more damage than a theme park ride.

So last week, when I went to see a chiropractor about my back problems and he asked me if I had been in any car accidents, I didn’t even think to mention the off-roading experience.

Afterwards, I remarked to my boyfriend that the doctor thought my problems were a result of a car accident. He responded that our car had done a full rotation and a half. With this new knowledge, I realized we must have picked up momentum and the force with which I was rattled around was significant enough that I probably should have mentioned that to the chiropractor.

But I sure felt dumb when I called the chiropractor back and said “Actually, I was in a vehicle roll-over accident six months ago, I just didn’t realize it.”

60

I was playing with my cat Pinchaus, she likes to be chased at times or so I think. I was chasing her up the stairs. Now the top of the stairs turns off ninety degrees onto a landing. I chased her up to the top, pivoted to get to the landing and felt my knee lock up during mid-flight. It was either force it back open or take a serious tumble down the stairs. So I kicked my leg to unlock what ever spasm was happening. Doing so I tore my meniscus, and missed work for ten days. The most painful thing I’ve experienced to date. It took my forty minutes to get down stairs to call for help.

Pretty manly huh ? Getting hurt chasing a pussy cat up the stairs.