Y’know chiropractors are quacks, right?
LOL swell, not stretch. And not in a good way. I believe actually they were out of soap so I used shampoo as a body wash.
Clowning around getting in & out of the bath when I was a kid (maybe 5). Slipped and slammed my chin into the edge of he bath. Trip to ER and 3 stitches. Still have the scar.
BTW, “having a bat” is Aussie slang for masturbation. In that context, Ludovic’s post gave me a good laugh well before I got to the end of the story. 
A gnat flew in my ear and refused to leave or die. It made it hard to hear. Especially when it struggled. My husband got tired of me saying, “What? Huh?” whenever he talked to me and drove me to an urgent care center after two days.
The reason the gnat got stuck? Gobs and gobs of wax. I’m used to that though. The wiggling and buzzing-- not so much.
When I was 7 or 8, I was sitting on a swing seat, lolling back while hanging on to the chains. I fell backwards onto the ground and fractured my chest bone. It was so painful, I couldn’t lie down on the table to get x-rayed. I remember the technician giving me these long, complicated instructions to be able to lie down without too much pain.
“What goes up. . .” never, ever throw pliers to someone on a roof whilst watching their straight up trajectory. Chances are when they come back down, they’ll perfectly straddle your nose, giving you two black eyes to explain at the ER.
You had a LIVE BUG in your EAR for TWO DAYS? Good God, woman, you must be some kind of perfect calmness. If I had a bug in my ear for two days I’d be dead from freaking out and trying to get it out. I don’t even like it when bugs fly into me and bounce right off.
Well, I only saw the chiropractor after being encouraged to do so by three people who saw a chiropractor and felt the experience was worth the cost. So they must be doing something right.
Didn’t happen to me, but my brother when we were kids. When he was about 5 or 6, my parents had a terrible time getting him to wear underwear. For some reason he just did NOT like wearing it. In the summer, when he was wearing only shorts, it wasn’t a big deal. But as the weather got colder, he had to switch to pants…with zippers. I think you can see where I’m going here. He zipped himself up and good lord, there was panic in the house. I remember the screams and cries from my parents room as they tried to gently free him. In the end, they had to bring him to the ER and I’m not sure how they got him free but all I know is they never had issues with him and underwear ever again.
Stupidest thing I could think of was that my foot hurt, depending on how I shifted my weight. Nothing broken, nothing showed up on X-Ray, doctor figured it was just a mild sprain or something, and sent me on my way. Foot felt fine the next day.
Other than that, twice I’ve gone in for ear-aches and swelling. One time, it turned out to be a nasty ear infection (which of course, I developed right before boarding a transoceanic flight to Korea. If you ever get the chance to spend a 14 hour flight with an ear infection, I recommend that you don’t. Felt like the side of my head was gonna explode all over my poor unsuspecting Single Serving Friend.
The SECOND time I had the earache, the doctor diagnosed me with q-tip usage. As far as he could tell, some idiot had battered my eardrum with a cotton swab, because he had ignored the oft-repeated instructions never to use a q-tip in your ear (what, pray tell, are they FOR then?!)
Yeah, uhm… I have no idea who did that with the q-tip. Must have been the Communists.:o
You should have been this guy:
Muppet video - Early Cookie Monster prototype.
I guess I was 19 or 20, and was playing with my Doberman, swinging a toy around and letting her jump for it. I swung down as she jumped up, and I hit her on the head with my right wrist. Within minutes, my arm was swollen from halfway to my elbow to my fingertips, and a lovely shade of blue. I swear, my last 3 fingers looked like sausages. I was SURE something was broken, so off to the ER I went.
The admitting nurse asked how I did it… um… I hit my dog in the head. She looked at me blankly and asked if the dog was OK.
It wasn’t broken, but I ended up in a wrist brace for a couple weeks.
One way or another, quite a few of us get hurt chasing pussy!
I had something similar happen to me nearly 30 years ago, but didn’t put up with it for two days. I was a security guard in a location about 50 miles out of town. It was a remote place and was lit up at night by floodlights. I was standing under one of the lights and felt a bug fly directly into my right ear. The bug was beating its wings and the pressure against my eardrum was excruciating. I discovered a newfound talent for breakdancing.
I finally managed to regain my composure and called our dispatcher on the phone and asked for medical assistance. They sent a relief guard who tipped my head and poured water into my ear canal, drowning the bug. The feeling of relief was immense. A helicopter was also summoned.
I was flown into town to our university hospital where a doctor attempted to remove the dead bug with forceps. When that didn’t work, he put a suction probe into my ear and sucked the bug out. I remember telling the doctor that if the bug were not already dead, I’d be glad to kill it. The cool thing was I got to ride in a helicopter. The not-so-cool thing was I had to get my father to drive me back 50 miles to pick up my car. Next time I worked at that site, I wore ear plugs.
I think I’ve told this story here before, but I’ll tell it again, since it fits into the theme here. When my brother was a small toddler, he’d been playing out in the yard, when he ran to my mother shrieking, holding his ear, and yelling “buh-fly! buh-fly!” She couldn’t figure out what his problem was. He spent about a day and a half intermittently shrieking, and usually saying “buh-fly.” Eventually she took him to the doctor, who looked in the ear he was holding and said it was FULL of wax. So he got out his little spatula and started digging. Embedded in the wax was a whole, dead bee. :eek: It had stung his eardrum before it died. :eek: :eek: :eek: He knew what had happened, but couldn’t communicate better than to try to tell her about the “butterfly” that had hurt him.
Poor little guy.
That reminds me of a story on the show “Real Stories Of The ER” I saw a few months ago. A young man’s wife or girlfriend found him lying in bed, unable to speak or move, except once every few minutes he’d scream. Off to the ER he goes, where after several hours, they find a bug in his ear. Turned out he had such a phobia of a bug getting into his ear, that when it happened, he became catatonic and could only scream once in a while. They got it out and he went back to normal.
To be honest, I did not believe that a gnat could live in my ear for two days. I thought I was over-reacting. Truth be told, it was the deafness caused by the wax plug that finally got me to the doctor’s. The bug was a bonus.
I’m not sure I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. Bugs in ears? AHHHHHHH
For your Halloween pleasure…
I was peacefully sleeping on my side. I woke up when a bug got into my ear. I, too, discovered a heretofore unknown talent for breakdancing, while screaming at my husband to get the tweezers and get that damned thing OUT of my ear. It wasn’t actually hurting me, but the sensations of its legs against my ear canals made me panic. My husband, who was awakened from a sound sleep by a woman who was having some sort of fit, finally understood my babblings and had me tilt my head to one side, and the bug fell out, and he squished it. I always knew there was a good reason why I married him.
At any rate, pleasant dreams! 
I once lived in a basement apartment, under a family that included 5 teenagers. There was a little sidewalk that went along the side of the house, right past my windows. One night, the kids were having a party in the back, and for hours they were running right past my windows. It was a very hot night, so all my windows were wide open, so it sounded like the kids were running right through my apartment. And it was late, and I had to work the next morning.
In an act of total stupidity, I thought the thing to do was to slam the windows shut. On the very first window, I slammed it shut, but my arm kept going, right through the pane of glass, causing a gash from the base of my hand, to about midway up my forearm. To make matters worse, I had just bought a new car, and was still learning how to drive stick-shift . . . now, with my right arm having a towel tied around it. I somehow made it to the hospital before bleeding to death.