stupid roommate stories!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I never took my roommate for the brightest person in the world. She’s one of those people that asks incredibly stupid questions. Like, i’ll be watching a movie and she’ll come in during the last 20 minutes and ask me what the hell is going on. I often make it a point to avoid her just so i don’t have to deal with such questions.

Anyhow, she totally outdid herself today. I came home and she was sitting in front of the TV, looking at it. She asked me if i could help her figure out why there was no sound coming from the TV, and that it was fine on the TV itself, but wouldn’t work with the VCR.

I took one look at the screen and said, “uh… you might get sound if you hit play instead of fast forward.”

It worked. :rolleyes:

2

Yeah, right zyzz. Your imaginary roommate! :wink:

Oh where to start… I’ve had lots o’ roommates. Perhaps my favorite though is my good friend, whom I will call L. L has a gag reflex that just will not quit. She’s so bad that when she’d brush her teeth, she’d gag, throw up, and then have to start all over again. I once watched her go through this process 5 times in a 10 minute period. What a joy.

This was also the girl who washed the floor one day and left the mop and bucket of water out for a month.

3

I think my favorite thing about this story (and don’t take this as a personal criticism as I do the same thing) is that the possibility of you putting the mop and bucket of water away was seemingly never given serious consideration.

Depending on how much I like a roommate and how well I’m we’re getting along, the most minor things can become huge standoffs. I can see it as having been the same in your situation, like, who’s going to crack first and put the cleaning supplies away. It’s all on the line in the ultimate battle for roommate dominance!

4

See, but after it’d been there overnight, Red, it became a contest in my mind. “Let’s see how long till she gets rid of the bucket full of dirty water!”

For the record, I won. I got rid of it after a month cuz it was icky. She moved it many times, though she never dumped it.

5

I had a Japanese roommate who was straight off the boat and spoke very little English. He used to come up with interesting and logical definitions for words (“heartburn” meant “jealousy” to him - once you got inside his head they started to make sense), and would watch Wifey movies on his computer all day.

One night I came home and found him asleep in the computer chair. It was a straight-backed wooden chair with no armrests. He was sitting straight up with his right hand hooked underneath his right thigh, leaning a little to the left so the tension of his arm would keep him upright.

I will never, ever forget that.

6

My first apartment in the city was really graduate student housing-- dorm-like, in that you were thrown in with people you didn’t know in a building containing mostly students, but maintained like a normal apartment. No public restrooms, every unit has a full kitchen, that sort of thing.

It was a three bedroom suite, and sadly my only decent roomie moved out at the end of the fall semester. The one who stayed seemed to believe in Toilet Paper Sprites. We ran out once (well, we didn’t really-- I’d decided to stash mine and see how long it took her to catch on) and she ended up scrambling for other “materials” when she realized the deficit. Her solution? Run out, fuming with indignance, buy one 4-pack, and never ever purchase any more. She was also a fan of Garbage Removal Fairies, and would gaze in wonderment at the pile of trash in the kitchen (created by her, mind you-- I took what I could carry down once each week), unable to grasp why it didn’t vanish on its own.

People who still secretly believe that their parents or their maid will pop in to clean up after them should not be allowed to live on their own.

7

Current favorite: the other morning, one of my roommates walked past the kitchen after just waking up. Someone was heating water in the microwave, so the “clock” was counting backwards from about 2:30…She said “the clock is wrong”, hit cancel, reset it for 8ish, then moved on with her usual morning things.

:slight_smile:

8

I had a roommate we’ll call Kevin. Kevin was very smart, and in his head, he was even smarter. So much so, in fact, that it was simply a given that anything he thought of was a smart idea, since he thought of it and he was so smart.

While we were roommates, Kevin got into comic books. He bought a lot of comic books. Now, the arrangement was that I would write a check to him for my half of the rent, since I had accidentally bounced a check before we moved in, and I was still a little nervous about that, and would rather have bounced a check to him than the landlord. so I’d write him my half, and he’d write the check for the rent. No problem.

One month he bought many many comics. In fact, he spent his half of the rent on them. I was not happy about this and told him he’d better get his half pretty quickly, and gave him my half. You can all see where this is going - he then spent MY half on comics.

(Incidentally, he wasn’t buying Detective Comics #27 with all this cash, he was buying crap that would eventually wind up in quarter bins, but he was paying 2x cover price for, since this was in the middle of the raging speculator idiocy of the early 90s.)

So Kevin scrambles with all these different savings accounts and bonds he has and is able to pay the rent, but since he’s doing all this transferring of funds at the last minute, the check bounces.

I eventually told him that from now on, he’d pay me his half and I’d pay the rent, and if he didn’t have his half, that would be okay, because I knew places that bought comics. We didn’t have any problems after that.