Yeah, that’s awesome. I’ve listened to that many times 
Another way of looking at this comes to mind–the clothes that women/girls wear can really screw with men/boys minds, especially tight, revealing clothes. Does that mean that women need to change their behavior to lessen their discomfort, by wearing more modest clothes? (Modesty is cool!) Do women that insist on wearing those tempting, tempting clothes lack empathy? Or are they just jerks for not accommodating the male need to not be overly stimulated? Or is it possible that, ya know, women have the right to wear what they want to even if it does make men uncomfortable? Just like men have the right to walk on sidewalks even if it makes women uncomfortable?
What, no Elzar?
I, for one, fully support a woman’s right to wear tight, revealing clothes.
Hahahaha Brio Magazine. I used to subscribe to that in my teens.
Oh, very well.
Yep. White Fragility Syndrome. Because when discussing race, the worst thing you can do is to say that someone has done something racist. Because calling someone racist is so much worse than the actual fact of racism being such a fundamental characteristic of our society. Racism is everywhere but there are no racists.
This may not be a thread to get into sociopathy, psychopathy and such, but most definitions of empathy stem from an understanding of others, not necessarily a matter of sharing feelings. Now, I will say that sharing feelings with others may be a higher order of empathy, but that’s where it seems that you get yourself in trouble in over empathizing with people.
And why do you hate dogs? Unless you wished to interact with my dog, she’ll walk right by you without interacting with you in any way.
Is it that you are concerned about the way that they will act towards you?
I get disliking dogs, and not wishing to interact with them, but at a level that you wish for them to cross the street to avoid them, you must have a concern that if they don’t, then something unpleasant may happen.
And now we get into more complicated issues. I was trying to simplify it for you, in explaining why it is more prudent for a woman to avoid situations where she could be physically abused with no ability to fight back, but we can expand it back out into the other reasons why.
It’s not just rape. If you walk by them and give them a good groping, or just a rude comment, that can be a bit off putting to them as well, and they have no way of preventing it. You would not do that to a guy that was bigger than you, or even a guy that was smaller, but still ale to hurt you a bit, even if you won a fight. There is essentially zero physical risk that most women present to most men.
So, we have not just the opportunity in that you can physically overpower them, but motive as well, in that men have particular reason and type of physical abuse to visit upon women.
As far as why this is even more so for women to men, is also that rape is more horrible than most other violent crimes. I would far rather be mugged, or even brutally assaulted, than to be raped. I do not consider murder to be that much more heinous of a crime than rape.
So, yeah, recognizing situations where you can be perceived as a threat, and removing yourself from those situations or otherwise reducing the amount of danger you represent would be an empathetic thing to do, in that you are understanding how someone else is perceiving you, and taking steps to affect that in a positive way.
I dunno how I feel about children’s interactions with adults. as a child myself, I wandered the neighborhood, got lost at malls, whatever, and I was never highly concerned, and my parents did not seem to be either.
These days, I dunno, I don’t think that things are any less safe than then, but parents seem to think so.
Like I was pointing out to manson a bit ago, it is actually more than just opportunity, there is motive as well.
People living in urban areas don’t have this experience. When walking and public transportation are the major form of travel, you’re almost never alone and you’re usually surrounded by strangers. Sure, maybe one in a thousand is a violent criminal, but when you encounter thousands of people over the course of a month, you have to be prepared for any contingency.
Yeah, owners always say that. Until you are on an airplane and a service dog attacks your face.
I don’t want to be bothered by a dog. I don’t want to move out of the way for someone’s stupid dog. I don’t want to hear it barking because it annoys me. I don’t want a large dog around me that could all of a sudden “go dog” and start biting. Do you really not understand why someone wouldn’t like dogs? Or want to be around them?
Now that my hang-ups about dogs are out of the way:
How can you possibly say this with a straight face (or, uh, straight keyboard or whatever)?
Any woman can be armed and threaten a man’s life. If that is not a physical risk then I don’t know what is. Are you saying a woman has never robbed a man at gun or knifepoint? If people are using your overblown threat scenarios about danger, then nobody should be walking on the street next to anybody.
But hey, if you want to protect women and protect their feelings, but not do the same with men, more power to you. Just don’t consider yourself NOT a sexist.
The fact that you don’t see how you can say the same thing to black people and have it be HIGHLY racist and offensive but you consider it an appropriate thing to say to men makes me doubt that YOU have any empathy. Or you are so caught up in your “must protect the females” mindset that you can’t see the sexist overtones you are giving off.
To put it more simply: Why should I have to change my behavior based on someone’s unreasonable level of fear that is based on nothing more than the fact that I’m a man? Their sexist views on what I might do are THEIR problem, not mine. And it’s something that THEY need to deal with.
Well, if we’re going to do this right, it’s at least worth mentioning that it is implied to many women, from an early age, that they are 100% responsible for protecting themselves from sexual violence and that if anything happens they will probably be blamed for it. The whole ‘‘staying away from strange men at night’’ thing is part of the coming-of-age ritual of explaining to young women that sexual assault or in the very least harassment will probably be a significant factor in their life experience and that they must be ever-vigilant or they aren’t a proper lady.
Something like that.
As I pointed out when I first mentioned this sub-topic, some people tie themselves into knots trying to convince themselves and others that this form of stereotyping of males in general is socially okay but stereotyping of specific subsets (such as black, or “kind of Arab-y”) are not. If they were robots, they would be saying “does not compute, does not compute” over and over with smoke pouring out of their vents until their heads exploded.
The fear is far from unreasonable. The number of women that attack men is minuscule compared to the reverse. You do not have to change your behavior, but you also cannot object to how it is perceived by others and the actions they take in response.
Not that your quoted statistic has any bearing on anything, but how many men attack men? I would think a lot. Therefore, if a man sees another man on the street, he should be afraid right? And men should recognize that fear and move to the other side of the street?
Or don’t you think that men can be a physical danger to other men? Is it only women who should be afraid?
Anyone in an urban environment accesses the risks of strangers. If your presence is visibly disturbing to someone else, communicating that you are non-threatening by moving to the other side of the street is polite. The law does not require us to always be polite, but human civilization seems to function so much better when we try to be polite. I tell my teenage nephews that if they don’t want to see women clutch their purses or see their hands dive into their bags (a key indicator that they probably have concealed handgun permit in the city I live in), they should always given women plenty of space and stay away.
Great, I’ll remember your advice when I see an Arab man on the street. I’ll tell him his presence is disturbing me and he should move to the other side of the street to show me he is non-threatening and polite :rolleyes:
Would you put it quite that way to a woman who had actually been raped by a stranger on the street at night? Is her primary problem sexism, or is it trauma?
To use your analogy, if someone who grew up mostly in a white culture was attacked by a gang of black men, is that person racist for getting nervous around gangs of black men? Or traumatized?
In both cases, there is a distorted cognition, but people can’t help what triggers them. It’s rare that I am uncomfortable being alone with a man, but I have had it happen in cases where I am alone with older men (roughly my father’s age) that I have a strong emotional attachment to. For a while, I wasn’t comfortable being alone with my father in law. It wasn’t his fault. It had nothing to do with him. It doesn’t mean I was prejudiced against men. It was that the situation so much resembled my own trauma that my rational mind couldn’t shut down my lizard brain.
If your empathy is failing at all, it is in understanding motive. And I do very much think motive matters. Dismissing these women as ‘‘sexist’’ is greatly oversimplifying the problem. In a majority of cases, these women are traumatized.
Be my guest, it’s possible he will even accommodate you. Many Middle Easterners are exceedingly polite people. Of course, he may reply quite rudely also.
I’m quite sure you’ll find that if any white man said “I’m afraid of groups of black people because I was attacked by a gang of black men one time” that they would be accused of racism and that they shouldn’t treat all black people like that because of an instance in their past.
What about a store owner - “I follow black people around, because some black people robbed me one time” Is that racist, or trauma?
What about a cop - “I think all black people are armed, because one time a black guy was armed” Is that racist, or trauma?
I understand your point here. But in that case, did you remove yourself from the situation, or did you expect him to remove himself from the situation?
I will agree with you if you think the same thing about motive and race. Would you consider it racist if a man was afraid of black people because a black person killed his entire family?
LOL, okay I’ll try that :rolleyes: