For the life of me, I can never remember jokes. No matter how funny I think something is, I’ll blank out when it comes time to retell it. I also misread words a lot when I was younger. I always read “voila” as “viola” and for the longest time thought “pubic hair” was “public hair”, which never made sense to me. Also, when my mom explained the birds & bees to me (“the sperm comes out of the man’s penis and goes into the woman’s vagina”) I thought that the guy could be sitting across the room and the stuff would just squirt out and fly across the air until it had sought out the woman’s genitalia. Retarded.
I thought until maybe third grade that Greenland was a state in the U.S.
I still never know what people mean when they say “next Thursday”.
I know it’s regional, but I forget.
To me, if today is Monday, this Thursday is three days off, and next Thursday is 11 days off.
So on a Wednesday I heard a TV ad for a “job fair next Thursday” and wrote it on my calendar as 8 days later. But they really meant “Tomorrow”.
I just never learn that one, no matter how often it trips me.
Can I add two more?
I have trouble counting out change in a lot of situations. For example, if the clerk just stands there and stares at me, it feels like I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing. But other times I have no trouble. When I was about 12 a clerk got so impatient that she grabbed my wallet and counted the change herself.
I have a slightly different problem with names–I can easily match faces and names, yet I can’t bring myself to call the person by name.
When I was very young, I asked my dad why animals had tails. I think it was part of a long series of annoying questions, and he said “To wipe their butts with.” to get rid of me. I believed him until I was about 10 years old.
Yeah, why not? Although this thread is kinda dying a slow death anyways, you might as well squeeze one more in here before she completely drops dead.
You know, I was laughing away at this until it hit me that you and I share in the same problem.
(What the Hell, ehh? I have nothing more to lose in this thread. I’ve lost every shred of respect I ever may have gained around here anyways. I’ll keep on pilling up the stupid stuff I do here and go for broke.)
My problem, however, is the exact opposite of your making change. That I can do fine. I have problems with trying to help the counter person out so they don’t have to make change.
Let me explain, will ya? O.K. If I’m making a purchase and the total comes to, say, $9.68? I don’t want to get back pennies and all that nonsense money, I want quarters or something good.
So, I’ll give them a ten and feverishly begin to rummage around my pocket trying to think about what change I can give the person so I get back ‘good’ change. Invaritably, I panic, add up instead of down, and give them .02 cents. My warped thinking is that I’ve rounded it up to .70 cents. Great! I’ll get back a quarter and a nickle.
Well, obviously, I get the math wrong. The counter person usually looks at me like I need some kind of help that’s beyond their base of knowledge, and say something like, “Ahh, What’s this? You need another penny here, right?”. Me, “Ahh, yeah. What was I thinking? ::All knowing laugh here. Frantically looking for another penny now:: It’s just been one of those days, ya know”.
It’s gotten so bad now that I don’t even attempt to help them, well, myself actually, out and just give them a ten and add to my piggy bank when I get home.
I come from a family that is very good with math, and none of us have any sense of direction. We get lost like you wouldn’t believe.
It’s odd, cause we all can do rather complex math in our heads, and are wicked when it comes to figuring out future dates.
I also didn’t learn to tie my shoes until I was 11. I just couldn’t figure it out. To this day, I usually wear loafers or velcro sneakers.
A few things…
I can never remember which U.S. coast is adjacent to the Pacific Ocean and which one is up against the Atlantic Ocean. When someone says, “We’re going to the Pacific” or whatever, I have to think, “Now is that the west coast or the east coast?”
Another thing I’m embarrassed about is that, while I can usually solve complicated math problems on paper, I can’t do any math in my head. I can’t even do a simple addition problem in my head! (23 + 14, for example.)
Neither do the people that work at ISO! :D:D
Somehow I just keep coming back to this thread. :rolleyes:
Remember Diff’rent Strokes? I never understood what the fuzz about Arnold and Willis being Mr. Drummond’s sons was all about… I was puzzled by people always assuming that they were adopted. Why couldn’t they be his real kids, thought I? It just never occurred to me that a person’s race was determined by the genetic traits inherited from their parents.
It wasn’t until a few days ago–while helping a cousin with a chemistry homework–that I realized that the periodic table is named as such because it graphically expresses this periodic law: *the properties of the elements are PERIODIC functions of their atomic masses. * Doh!
And yes, you can count among the ignorant masses that were confused by the Datsun/Nissan duality. Before reading this thread I thought that Datsun was a division of Nissan just like Buick is one of GM. Since I hadn’t come across any Datsuns in a while I had just assumed that they had closed the division.
And Cnote, don’t worry about this thread dying. I think my sporadic contributions, stimulated by my not as sporadic misconceptions, will be enough to keep this fine thread alive and kicking for a while. 
Crafterman - landmasses have coasts, bodies of water have shores. That beach in California is part of the US west coast, and the Pacific’s eastern shore. Don’t know if that will help you any, but it works for me.
I also have trouble with the left/right thing, and usually have to pretend to write. A few years ago I made a concerted effort to force this into my sub-concious, and it is now much more instinctual than it was.
Scott
I still never know how much coffee to put into the machine.
I make the same amount every day and always either add water or add some more grounds to the filter and pour coffee into it again.
I never remembered the last part of the alphabet song (which I still use, BTW)… I remember it going: a-b-c-d…now I know my abc’s… and I remember there being a part after that but I dont recall it.
I never learned to whistle, nor burp, nor blow bubble gum.
Swallowing the smallest pills is still a chore and takes a few trys for me.
I must have been goofing off when learing the Never Eat Soggy Wheaties thing… I always memorized it as Never Eat Soggy Wieners, no wonder why it never made sense… It works but…
For the longest time (up till Grade 10) I always thought the UK was a seperate country south of Germany.
And the worst, when I was younger, I would like to stare at the sun and stick flashlights right infront of my eyes; fortunately, there was no permanent damage - the computer has probably caused more.
I can’t either. I also can’t snap my fingers.
Add me to the left/right impaired list. I have searched the web for information on this phenomenon without success. I mentioned it at an office lunch recently, and people thought I was insane. I’d love to be able to explain it without just saying, “I can’t tell my right from my left.”
When I was a small child in California, I thought that it didn’t snow anywhere in the United States. Snow was something that only happened on mountaintops in Switzerland (I think that came from seeing it in movies like “The Sound of Music”).
I pronounced the name of the state where my grandmother lived “You Nork”.
Dreissig Tage hat November
April, Juni, und September
Februar hat vier mal sieben
Alle die noch uebrig blieben
Haben einunddreissig.
Thirty days has November
April, June, and September
February has four times seven
All the remaining ones
Have Thirty-one. *
For some reason, I like the German version of the poem the best. Especially the whole “February has four times seven” thing. It’s just so cool…sorry about the lack of umlauts and ess-tsets. I’m on a unix machine and I have no idea how to get those characters with it.
Jman
I have the same problem. For some reason I have trouble figuring out how many pennies and nickels I need to give the clerk so I can get quarters or bills back. When I worked in retail it took me forever to learn how to count back change when the register didn’t do the math for me.
I also have a huge problem remembering names and faces. Sometimes I don’t recognize people or remember their names after I’ve been introduced to them. It always makes me feel stupid.
After making a complete ass of myself in front of an anthro class, I will always remember that some palestinians are christian.
I’m another one with no inner compass. Not only do I not know East, West, North, South, I can easily get lost 2 blocks from my home. That is the sole reason I don’t drive. I get lost everywhere. I can’t travel alone and I have to ask for explicit directions for every new place I go.
Up until 2 years ago I thought the word facsimile was pronounced “fassy-mile.” I could use the word in a sentence and pronounce it correctly, but I never put the spoken word and the written word together.
For most of my life I didn’t realize that long fingernails look trashy. Finally figured that one out about a year ago.
Oh yeah. I can’t snap my fingers either. Or do a headstand. And no matter how hard I try I can’t figure out how to hock a loogie.