So, my parents are out of town for a week, at least. I’m holding down the fort for the time being and, after a hard night yesterday, working all day today (half of it spent recovering from a hangover), I thought it might be a good idea to spend the evening relaxing in front of the DVD player.
Well, that’s what I get for thinking.
When my parents are around, I spend no time in the living room; it’s always occupied. Being my big dumb self, I rented a handful of horror movies and settled in for the night. Now, you have to understand that I live in the frickin’ middle of absolute nowhere. Picture Drew Barrymore in the first Scream movie. Yep, that’s my area, except with a much shallower gene pool. I deadbolt all the doors, which does a damn lot of good because the back set are glass anyway, as is most of the front of the house. Grrreat. Talk about security.
I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, but it looks like ole Dolby has got my ass kicked up around my shoulderblades. Every few seconds my head jerks to the right wondering how the hell someone has gotten a car into my backyard, or I stare off to the left, thinking those footsteps are really on my front porch and by the time I see the silhouette of the killer against the porchlight, he’ll be coming in through the window.
Truly pointless, I know. However, assuming I don’t get a phone call in the next couple of hours telling me to look out over the back porch and find my boyfriend tied to a chair on the deck, I am still an able-bodied teenager with a house to himself for quite awhile.
Because Dopers are some of the most intelligent, resourceful, and somewhat insane people on the planet, I turn to you. How should I take advantage of the situation? I have plans for tomorrow - my best friend is coming over for Smirnoff and skinnydipping - but the next few days stretch on without purpose and, even worse, without debauchery.
To set the stage, there are no neighbors or anyone who can even see the house. Yeah, it’s that rural. There’s a pool to use, and a gazebo so I dont have to let people into the actual house if there’s some reason not to. There are two cars for maximum people-hauling, and plenty of floorspace for them (people, not the cars) to crash after they get here. Alcohol is available, but there won’t be any stupidity; nobody’s driving anywhere.
I’m at your mercy. Lead me, O masters of dubious fun!