Stupid useless fucking website

The BBQ Pit
1

So last night I signed up for a short-term membership on a website. 3 days, $5.95. I’m not going to tell you the content, nor give the URL, but let’s just say that if I told you it was something like nakedgoatfelchingcheerleaders dot cum, you could take a good guess. And let’s just say I was in a certain “mood” when I signed up, and that was not the mood to get fucked by a shitty site.

My first clue that I’d made a bad choice was when it took me about 10 minutes to even log in. I kept getting redirected to pages that said “Click the clitty to sign up.” Stupid fucking shit-eating website, I already signed up! I’m a member, though at this point hardly proud of it.

So I finally get to the content page. No content. WHA?!? “Click here to install Flashmedia.” Great. I have to install stupid unsecure software just to view the content I had paid for. So I install Flashmedia. What content do I get? A menu, with such helpful choices as “Ibiza jet 2003” and “Cancun boat 2004.” Yeah, that’s really informative. And hard to read. Nearly black text on a black background, in 2 point font. So I make a choice. Any choice, because it really doesn’t matter. And up comes more content. Nine thumbnails. One. At. A. Time. All loading in their own little Flashmedia windows. About 5 seconds for each one.

Finally, I get to click on a thumbnail. Does it open the picture? No, it reloads the entire page, so that I can get yet another hard to read menu. The choices are “Open picture”, “Hide thumbnails”, and “Home.” The flying fuck? So I clicked Open picture. The entire page reloaded, of course, showing me only part of the picture. And I got a popup asking me which small part of the picture I wanted to view. There was no option for viewing the whole thing. There was, however, an option to get the entire picture to move around the screen randomly. Useful. So suffice it to say that the only guy who got his rocks off from this site was the programmer.

So listen, assnugget programmer: There is only one reason people pay for sites like this, and it is not to get all horny over your javascript skills. The only popups I want to see should be nestled in pubic hair. The only boobs I want to see should have nipples, not programming experience. The only asshole I want to see should not be wearing nerd glasses. Yes, we’re all very impressed that you have coding skills, but when the very design of your site prevents members from viewing the very content you so clever try to present, it defeats the purpose. Pigfucker.

Oh, and the girls were butt-ugly.

2

I signed up for one of those once, they kept charging me like $2.95 every couple of months. I was never charged the full amount, just enough to be irritating, not enough to want to spend a half hour on the phone with someone trying to get the internet porn charges off my credit card.

I’ve gotten free porn, and usenet porn, and a little bit of pay porn, and the pay porn wasn’t really any better.

3

The thing is, there are excellent pay sites out there. Good content, and plenty of it, in an easy to access format. And you can cancel at any time. To me it’s worth the money. It’s sites like the one I described that make me want to punch a programmer.

4

If you have experience in this area you probably already know this, but be sure to follow their procedures and cancel your membership before your 3 days are up, because somewhere in the fine print it says that they will start charging you $30 a month (or some amount) until you cancel. And you agreed to it so they won’t refund a dime. I speak from (ahem) personal experience. :o

5

I’m going to keep an eye on it, but it looks like I may not have been charged at all. So far.

6

Huh. And some people whine about paying $15 for an entire year, here…

7

there are two dogs inside me, the one I feed the most gets the biggest.

8

Yeah, well, maybe if people got naked more…

9

Cite? :smiley:

10

You ain’t nuthin’ but a porn hound?

11

What?!? An online purveyour of pornography acting in a less-than-honorable manner? Outrageous! Unthinkable!

In other words, I’m laughing my ass off. So I’m sorry you lost your six bucks, but that’s hilarious.

12

For one thing, some online pornographers are pretty honest. They know the value of providing a good product, and they know the value of repeat business. Then again, some don’t. :slight_smile:

For another, it’s not that this website was made by dishonest pornographers. It was made by overzealous programmers. It would have been far less work on their part to make it HTML only, and they would have had a product that would draw in more business. They shot themselves in the foot.

13

You see this all the time on the web, and it drives me crazy because it’s totally unneccessary. Too many websites use JavaScript left, right and centre. Case in point: I’m in a co-operative education program here at my university. We apply for jobs and submit resumes through a web-based tool. It’s an excellent system in principle, especially in contrast to the old system, where you had to submit paper resumes into numbered boxes before the building closed at 8 PM(there was a near riot in my first year once). However, the implementation is terrible, and what really drives me nuts is that I know that I could do better, as on my last job, I wrote the front-end for a web application. The tool here is terrible: every link is a javascript call. Which means that you can’t right-click it and select “Open in New Window(or Tab)”. The first iteration was especially bad. You’d do a job search and get a list of jobs matching your criteria(the pathetic limits of the criteria are for another rant). When you went to look at a job, you’d click a link, and it would open it in your window. And there was no way to return to your search. You’d have to do the search all over again afterwards. Every time you looked at a job! The poor database server in the back end was just dying every night before the deadline.

14

I’ve shopped on a few sites like that. You’d spend time navigating to a product you want, then add it to your shopping cart, then you’d be dropped back to the home page so you could navigate it all again. If you want more than 2 products, it’s just not worth the time.

15

Good rant. I hate when sites pull this shit.

I don’t have so much experience with the porn side of things, but in other fields.

16

Uh huh, like “online articles” right? Nudge nudge wink wink.

:wink:

17

We so need to start a naked doper thread.
:eek: Or maybe not.

18

Psst. tdn. That wasn’t a foot.

19

Did this have anything to do with having a “short term” membership? As in, if you paid for a month rather than 3 days you were allowed access to see the whole picture? You could throw more money at this site to find out but I’m betting this is at least part of the problem.

20

When I opened this thread, I’d hardly expected to find the OP to REALLY be about a stupid, useless, fucking website. Imagine my pleasant suprise!