Ooh! I just remembered another co-worker who no longer believes in life on other planets. Nothing wrong with that, I thought, but what made him change his mind? Well, he apparently realized that “Jesus came here to save everyone, right? Well, he never said anything about aliens, so I don’t see how they could exist.”
No, no, I have to disagree. The lizard-fetus thing was by far the stupidest remark.
Sitting at work, we were discussing the space program and when whether or not we would return to the moon. One of my coworkers piped up and said something to the effect of, “We never landed on the moon. I saw it on FOX so it must be true.” We tried to argue him out of it, but it was to no avail.
On another message board, discussion of a possible “gay” gene brought forth this staggering bit of logic (and I quote):
Think about this logically [another user’s name]. Lets say that to be kind somewhere in prerecorded human history A gay gene existed. know back then society was fairly nonexistant so the two gays would become a couple shutter and would never have kids. since their was no society back then to stop gay couples then the gays would not have children and by the time society was created the gay gene would have been wiped out because no children means nothing to pass on the gene.
:smack:
Maybe an UL, but I believe a parent in the Bible belt actually has said this at a PTO meeting.
- Strive to be like Jesus OR end up in the powers of Satan.
- Jesus only spoke English.
- Learning foreign languages makes us less like Jesus.
- Therefore, learning foreign languages will deliver us to the powers of Satan. Not just sinful, but un-economical as all bloody hell. QED.
I have had many many encounters with the absurd but one from high school comes to mind.
I was talking to a girl about the Village People (they were huge at the time) She was going to the concert and was making plans on meet the Constuction Guy and having sex with him. I tried to explain that it would not be possible but she refused to believe me.
Me They are all gay.
She No way
Me Listen to the words of YMCA
She How did you figure that out?
Me It pretty obvious.
She You must be gay.
Me (to myself) Havn’t you noticed I’ve been trying to screw you.
Zebra, I don’t know if you are male or female; therefore, your ending quote could be taken one of four ways:
-
You are a heterosexual male and you were seriously wondering how she could have completely missed your advances.
-
You are a gay male and you were being sarcastic.
-
You are a heterosexual female and you were being sarcastic.
-
You are a gay female and you were seriously wonering how she coud have completely missed your advances.
Please do not feel compelled to answer.
Zebra, I don’t know if you are male or female; therefore, your ending quote could be taken one of four ways:
-
You are a heterosexual male and you were seriously wondering how she could have completely missed your advances.
-
You are a gay male and you were being sarcastic.
-
You are a heterosexual female and you were being sarcastic.
-
You are a gay female and you were seriously wondering how she coud have completely missed your advances.
Please do not feel compelled to answer.
Whoops - sorry about the DP.
My friend decided that Tupac was going to come back because there was a “code” of a certain number (buggered if I can remember it) throughout his songs… I asked her how that said he was coming back and she was just sure it did…
I’ll use the number 7 for simplicity’s sake:
Her: Speaker! Look at this… Such and such add up to seven, and he says so and so 7 times in this song! (continues on like that for a bit)
Me: Um… right. So how does this show he’s not dead?
Her: Because he isn’t! I mean, why else would 7 show up so many times?
Me: Coincidence… I mean the number 7 doesn’t really have any connections with life or anything.
Her: But he’s not dead!
sigh
Disclaimer: I’m not making fun of her for believing Tupac is still alive, but rather for having no clue why the ‘conspiracy’ of sevens would relate to it.
In bio class sophomore year my teacher brought up the theory that AIDS came from a hunter who cut himself while killing an infected ape or a lonely one who did things with one. Maybe she got confused.
Well, possibly, but I’m willing to go with the “just a bit more than typically stupid” explanation for that. He was probably thinking of the (colossally dumb) “if it ain’t a lizard it must be human” argument and, being an idiot, made it even dumber.
Similarly, I have an otherwise intelligent friend who made my jaw drop. He really is very bright, we have relatively complex theological discussions all the time, but his education in the sciences pretty much stopped with “there’s this thing called science.”
He actually said, “well, on another planet somewhere the laws of physics might be different.” Not really stupid, but badly undereducated (or ignorant, if you prefer). He’s curable.
Thinking that the sun rises from different directions depending on where you’re standing?
That still gets my vote.
My stepmother, explaining to my friend and I why magnetic pearls make you feel better: “After all, the Earth must have some magnetism, otherwise we’d just all fall off!” ; bitching about how my grandmother blames my dad when the power goes out and she can’t get out of her garage, because he is the one who convinced her to get a power garage door opener: “I suppose she blames Ben Franklin too, for inventing electricity!”
A stupid argument stemming from complete and utter denial:
I tell my mother that I think my sister has eloped.
Mom: No, that’s impossible.
Me: But we have the following evidence… (spelling it out).
Mom: No, she can’t have eloped.
Me: Why not?
Mom: She never married any of her previous boyfriends.
Wow! I consider myself to be right in 95% of my arguements. The other day:
Me: The other day some kids got let out of prison for killing a baby in England
Matt: WHO CARES? IT’S SOOOOOOO DIFFERENT THERE
Me: Well Canada and England share many traditions and systems
Matt: Jesus d12, you’re fucking stupid aren’t you
at this point we were asked to leave MacDonnalds for yelling
I ended it all with: You know what, I don’t care.
Another one…
Matt: Hey, why are we here?
Me: The 85 (bus number, one of the main routes) still runs this late (around 11:30)
Matt: Why don’t we take the 16, it comes closer to our house.
Me: It doesn’t run
Matt: Yes it does! It come sooo much more often
Me: No it doesn’t, it doesn’t even run this late
Matt: You’re sooo stupid
Me: Ok, lets go take the 16
6 blocks later, looking at the bus schedule
Matt: Oh, I guess we’ll just walk
Me: More often and still runs eh?
Got home at around 1 in the morning (and this was in freezing winter)
“Good thing Uncle Charlie was drunk when he ran his car into the ditch… otherwise, he mighta hurt himself!”
(I’m glad that’s not my family).
Someone else’s post in another thread about a poor soul that insisted wind was created by trees “waving back and forth”, reminds me of a fright I had when I was thirteen or so:
An adult friend of my parents’ asserted that gravity was an effect of the earth’s rotation, on account of the “wind” it created holding everything down to the surface. This was frightening to me because he was in control of a motor-vehicle at the time-- there’s nothing like knowing you’ve placed your life in the hands of a complete idiot.
(As an aside, he mocked and ridiculed my nonsensical claim that “mass warps space,” which shook me up a bit because I realized then that I’d simply taken it on faith. So thank you, Marcel Moron, for encouraging me to investigate further.)
[eulogizer]
We are gathered here to day to mourn the passing of Jeff Anderson, who became a lizard yesterday at 3:45 . . .
[/eulogizer]
Heh, that reminds me of an argument I made on this board. Supposing that there IS a inheritable gay gene that makes people gay, homosexuality would grow less common as society became more accepting of homosexuals, because they would not feel compelled to marry someone of the opposite sex to remove suspicion of their sexual preference.
It’s kinda silly, but I thought it was fairly logical. Of course, it is totally defeated by the argument above if people in prehistoric times did not care who you had sex with.
I was recently attending a rules meeting for umpires for Georgia High Schools. The speaker was talking about the need to recruit more umpires because the State of Georgia created an additional school size classification.
You mean that we now have AAAAA schools, so this somehow means more games? I don’t think so… I’m going to go on a limb here and assume there are now LESS schools in the other divisions!
E3