Reading one of Cecil’s columns the questioner mentioned her sister getting very antsy when some trivial fact she’d quoted was disputed and, not being able to defend it, told her that she shouldn’t challenge people’s deeply held beliefs.
This reminded me of something that happened many years ago which I have always thought a hilarious response.
I was having a friendly discussion/argument with a secretary and came up with what I thought was the coup de grâce that would finally make my case.
She looked at me for a moment and, unable to think of a reply, responded: “You only know that because you read it in a book”.
In boot camp some of the recruits were placed in a poition of authority which went to their heads. One such petty tyrant got into a verbal confrontation with another and screamed at the top of his lungs, “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
I was having a discussion with a co-worker, and, after making a series of profound points in favor of my thesis, his scintillating riposte was, “You’re full of Shit!”
That was the entire substance of his point of view. Even after asking pointedly, with what, exactly, he disagreed.
Actual words said to me by an educated and decently reasonable grown up: “Just because you can prove that something is false, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true!”
Umm… yes, actually, I believe that’s exactly what that means.
Seriously, what the hell does this even mean? I was so astounded that anyone, never mind someone I respected enough to engage in debate with, would use this as defense of anything. When I regained myself I responded, “It happens? So what? Priests molest children, husbands beat wives, that ‘it happens’ doesn’t make it right and is no kind of defense.” [silently deciding to never engage with this bone head again!]
We make a lot of changes at work because legal wants the change. We’ve made changes that cost millions of dollars, because we’ve been sued over the past 17 years dozens of times. We’ve redone everything… saved everything… and put in place more changes to the tune of even more millions and millions of dollars.
Often, for the sake of my own department budget, I refuse on the ground that there is no risk. I ask to understand the risk, and I’ve been told, more than once, “…because I said so…”.
Oh, as to those many dozens of lawsuits over 17 years, they amount to a few dozen settlements (in which we were right but did not have the energy to spend 50k bucks to prove it), and various dropped/dismissed cases.
So, we’ve invested millions into processes that will protect us from about 150k dollars in settlements… but wait… no they won’t!!! We don’t spend the money (and we have less now) to prove we are right in court! So, all our expensive/new procedures don’t protect us from settlements!
LMAO!!! But hey, where is my argument when it’s because they said so!!! If we actually battled them all out in court, we might be able to make a case for spending all the money, but we keep settling everything!!! “Because I said so!”
Working in the retail world you always had to have a good sense of humor in dealing with the a-hole customers. Myself and co-managers had quite a few amusing responses when arguing with customers.
Fired up Customer: I want what I want now! You can’t do this and get away with it! I know someone at channel 5 and you’ll be on the 10 o-clock news tonight!
Co-manager: Cool! Hey Joe, watch channel 5 tonight, I’m going to be on.
Livid Black Friday Customer: How can you only have 10 in stock and put it in your ad!! That’s illegal! We’re going to sue you!
Manager: Well you’re going to have to sue me then cause I really don’t have time for this.
I was debating a co-worker about a rule in the union contract. He said, “Well, that may be what the contract says, but it isn’t necessarily what it means!”
An ex and I used to get in some pretty vicious verbal fights toward the end of our relationship. At one point, mid argument, he just screamed at me:
Well, you’re a raging, materialistic, frost bitch!!!
I immediately stopped arguing and started laughing hysterically. He got really angry, because apparently he was very much serious. But I mean, really? Who just comes up with “raging, materialistic frost bitch” off the top of their head?
Years later, he admitted he had thought of it before and was saving it for an argument. At the time, he would get super mad any time I asked if he had come up with that before and was saving it.
Now, all of my friends call me a raging, materialistic frost bitch- even though it’s 5 years later. That shit is gold.
I once got into a playful argument (or so I thought) what to do about a roommate’s pets, and when she didn’t like my suggestion, she angrily called me an Italian whore. That was it – “shut up, you Italian whore!” She was serious, too. At the time, I was really hurt (more by the sudden anger than the insult), but now I think it’s pretty funny. Where did “whore” come from in an argument about pets (plus, I was celibate the entire time she knew me, and she knew that) and why “Italian whore”? I mean, I am Italian, but I wouldn’t think it would be my most salient trait or anything. So weird.
Everything lines up too perfectly in the following, but, dangit, that’s how it happened:
I’m half-heartedly arguing with my wife about whether Superman could really disguise himself with little more than a pair of glasses. I tell her I figure it’s like Renee Zellweger and Jewel: folks maybe don’t even realize they look alike, unless you see pictures of 'em side by side – at which point you say “Uh, okay, they look alike” instead of “OMG, Jewel is Renee Zellweger!!1!”
My wife ain’t buying it. It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve never actually known any identical twins. I ask her if she has; turns out she went to school with two brothers who fit the bill. I ask her conspiratorially: have you ever seen both of them at the same time? As it happens: nope.
And so I say “a-HA! Maybe there weren’t two brothers at all! Maybe it was just one guy pretending to be twins!” She tells me I’m being ludicrous. I ask how she could even tell them apart. She rolls her eyes at how stupid the question is, and shoots back her reply: “Only one of them wore glasses.”
Someone posted this gem today, in response to someone pointing out that not one person on this forum with any advanced knowledge of biology agreed with him:
Not an argument, but we were pitching a health insurance company once and my boss started to say something about “adverse selection” (that’s the industry term for people who run out and get health insurance when they get sick rather than getting it when they’re young and healthy.) Unfortunately, my boss thought it meant something else. When the health insurance exec gently reminded my boss what the term actually meant he looked her straight in the eye and said. . .
this post.