This was a tough forum decision since it concerns needlework and MPSIMSish outrage at co-workers stealing from the fridge, but here goes.
In the spirit of crossstitch like Subversive Cross Stitch and this store on etsy Stitches Be Crazy, I’m thinking of a tongue-in-cheek way of saying keep your mitts off my food. The last time I lost my temper and put up a note saying PLEASE DON’T STEAL MY FOOD, IT’S NOT YOURS, etc., which was promptly removed.
I’m thinking if I stitch up a pretty little sign in sweet cursive letters with a lot of pastel flowers around it, who could be offended? I could put a strap on it with Velcro so I could fit it around any item or lunchbag.
OK, it won’t do any good but it might make me smile.
I wonder what would happen if you taped $5 to a note inside the lunchbox that said “Please take the money and buy yourself lunch, but I beg you to leave my sandwich. I have a serious food allergy and have to prepare my own food to prevent contamination.”
I suspect lunch thieves are so heartless that they’d take the $5 and the sandwich, and use the note for toilet paper.
Failing that, a petty cash tin might work. With all the lunch thieves out there, I’m surprised that lockable lunchboxes aren’t more of a thing.
Anyway, back to your cross stitch… How about:
“I was going to be a lunch thief but my penis is too large”
“Hands off, fucker”
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries”
“Jesus is watching you” - accompanied by a parrot and Rottweiler motif. Let’s challenge those cross stitch skills!
“Smile for the camera”
“Is this who you wanted to be when you grew up?”
I did not read this the way you intended it at first. Although if you went with my initial interpretation, it would probably keep anyone from touching it quite effectively.
