After being inspired by the book Subversive Cross Stitch, I’ve launched into a whole new area of fun, obnoxious craft projects. But I’m running out of surly quips.
Ones I’ve done so far:
“Boo Fucking Hoo”
“This Place Sucks” was just perfect for our new ghetto house
“It’s All Horse Shit” for my equine-o-phile friends
“My Cats are Better Conversationalists Than You”
I’ve got “Die in a Fire” on the drawing board.
I need others! Help me, Dopers!
Well, this is what I always say when friends/co-workers ask me for my help on something:
“The kind of help you need, I can’t give you.” 
Always makes 'em laugh and say “shut up, Maui” or something along those lines, and then I just smile and ask what they need.
I like it, Maui!
The book has a “Babies Suck” with a picture of a passifier that is totally going to my friend with the newborn.
I’m also doing “Strength through Codependency” for an old married couple I know.
and a “That’s Queen Bitch to you”
More! Must have more!
I once started to cross stitch “Never cook a gift whore in the house” on a pillow, but I lost interest around the w. It’s still floating around here somewhere.
I get the play on “never look a gift horse in the mouth,” but the phrase itself is confusing me.
I’ve discovered the secret is not to make them into pillows, but to frame them and put them on the wall. The dollar shop sells these awesomely tacky frames! Squee!
“I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m sure it’s hard to pronounce.”
I use that a lot too, it’s great fun, especially in my family. Might be kind of long for stitching though, I think.
Hmm, other ones I’ve heard, now that you got me thinking:
“You! Off my planet!”
“Too many freaks, not enough circuses.”
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
“Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?”
“I’m not rude. You’re just insignificant.”
“Well your day is a total waste of makeup.”
“Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it.”
The always appropriate, “Bite me.”
Short and sweet.
“I’m not deaf. I’m ignoring you.”
And a former sig of mine:
“Indecision is the key to flexibility.”
How about this: a picture of a bird, an arrow that curves up then down, an upside-down picture of the same bird, and a caption that says, “This is for you.”
You’re flipping them the bird.
“It’s the only way to be sure” along with a little Earth, a line showing an orbit, and a mushroom cloud (not necessarily to scale).
I would think almost any bumper sticker would be a candidate.
I don’t cross stitch but I’ve been tempted to take it up just so I could make my best friend a “Friends are God’s way of apologizing for family” sampler.
How 'bout
‘God Hates You’ (with a big fancy G)
I love that site. I’m stitching the baby one to a bib or something for my friend, whose wife is expecting this summer.
I always wanted to do a quote from Sarte: Hell is other people.
I always liked the simple message, delicate and charming, outlined with flowers and duckies and little cottages:
DO
NOT
FUCK
WITH
ME
“If I Want Your Opinion I’ll Give It To You.”
I am wading through Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens, and was struck by the niceness of the phrase, “Be it ever so ghastly, there’s no place like it.”
If we’re going down the literary path…“I can’t be having with this.”
“Fuck you, Very Much!”
“I Do, but, Not With You.”
“If I had a nickel for everytime I think of you, I’d have a nickel”
If I may offer my version …
be bankrupt and homeless.
[no, not you, picunurse … ]
Lucy