I expect this has probably been done before, but what the hell.
*You can’t teach an old dog Cheap Trick.
Those who live in glass houses… are probably exhibitionists.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you… fart, and a percentage of it scatters.
A penny saved… will barely affect your financial outlook.
Fools rush in… the prudent have a quiet smoke outside and wait for them to trigger all the traps.
Good fences make… an emergency zombie barrier.*
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
Live and don’t learn - alright I stole that one.
You made your bed, now eat it, too.
Maybe only partly in the spirit. I’ve used this as my FB thanksgiving post:
“be thankful that the pilgrims died on the cross for your right to eat too much and OD on football today”
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
If it ain’t broken, fix it until it is.
If there was a God, it would be necessary to circumvent him. (Edward Abbey)
Believing is Seeing.
Time wounds all heels.
*Revenge is a dish… vengeance is a teapot.
Loose lips… cannot smoke a pipe effectively.
Beggars can’t… buy speedboats on credit.
Cut off your nose to… increase the value of your paintings.*
We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.
Chiggers can’t be boozers. (B. Kliban)
If wishes were horses, riders would beg.
FAA motto: ‘We’re not happy until you’re unhappy.’
A cat’s home is his mantle.
Don’t put all your legs in one casket.
A pit bull a day keeps the dachshund away.
Good things come to those who mate.
Best one so far.
My favorite:
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
Good deeds never go unpunished.
I have not yet begun to give up the ship!
Hurry up! I’ve got places to go & people to kill.
Good fences don’t let the neighbors see you burying the bodies.
Loose lips fling spit.
Not mine, but still a favorite:
“As the Good Book says - do unto others as they hath done unto you”
-Arthur Daley
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king… of an incredibly fucked up place.
One I use from time to time:
Some times the light at the end of the tunnel is a speeding train coming your way.
It’s not fun and games unless someone loses and eye.
A woman is only a woman but a good cigar makes her a joke.