Suggest menu items for the 1st annual Utter Wankers banquet

I have determined that I shall host a banquet for people who are Utter Wankers. In order for this to be a successful event, it will naturally be incumbent upon me to provide a menu that is most likely to reveal the attendees’ inner Utter Wankerdom and provoke spirited discussion.

I’m currently thinking of serving things such as the following:

Martinis (feel free to ask for gin vs. vodka; olive vs. twist; variable amounts of vermouth; shaken vs. stirred; room temp vs. chilled spirit)

Pinot noir (a special consideration for people who have seen That Movie)

Pizza (a choice of NY vs. New Haven vs.–shudder–Chicago)

Hot dogs (mustard vs. ketchup provided upon request)

Barbecue (a variety of tomato vs. vinegar vs. mustard sauce)

Cola (select from Coke vs. Pepsi vs. RC)
While I think this is a reasonable start, I would like to expand my offerings. What else would you recommend?

Could you perhaps share the criteria for Utter Wankerdom? I’m not sure from your menu what you’re getting at. If explaining it will ruin the joke, by all means carry on as you were.

Do you have Pot Noodle in the States?

The point is, there seem to be some dishes that really bring out the annoying evangelical side of people as they try to insist that there is One True Way of making them correctly–a classic example is the endless debates over the correct way to make a martini. Alternatively, they wax perhaps a bit too rhapsodic over seemingly minor things; for an example of this, see the book The Mint Julep by R. B. Harwell (U of Virginia Press).

This thread was an attempt to poll for people’s ideas over what other things would fall into areas like this.

Coffee. You have endless choice of country of origin, creamer or no, milk vs non-dairy creamer, sugar or no, how strong to make it…there are no end to the arguments that can be had over coffee.

Chili/chile, although only the people in the southwest will get this. Most Americans think that there is only one kind of chili.

Beef. Well done or rare? Sorry, those are the only two options available.

You absolutely must have artichokes.

Egg cream.

This is going to be a hard party to have; nobody will RSVP, but any amount of them will show up. :smiley:

heh. Good one.

Ice tea and corn bread, but only if you want to have a Civil War reenactment.

Don’t forget to serve steak, with plenty of ketchup available at the tables.

You must offer a concoction that is half iced tea and half lemonade.

And have a bar that may or may not serve milk.

What’s the matter? You can’t call a “Tiger Woods” by its real name? You racist bastard!

mayonaise vs salad dressing
sushi with raw fish vs sushi with cooked fish or no fish
grits vs cream of wheat
crisp crunchy bacon vs soft chewy bacon
imported beer vs domestic beer
and don’t forget to tip your server!

Make the coffee itself from Starbucks; that’s always good to spark a friendly debate.

Afterward you can have entertainment, say the Matrix sequels or the Star Wars prequels?