Suggest your best fake research grant applications

The idea of persuading some naive university to pay you to spend a year or more just goofing off must surely inspire a few people to apply for ‘research’ grants using grandiose or obscure scientific terms to disguise the fact that they’ll simply use the funds for beer.

I’m imagining proposed titles like, “Investigating fluid dynamics within oscillating systems and varying electromagnetic exposure”, which might actually mean the researcher plans to watch a lot of porn on all his devices.

So what do you think you could plausibly get away with? Post your proposed thesis title (which must seem important), and also what it actually means you’ll be doing with the money.

Perhaps spoiler the second part to let the rest of us guess your true intentions.

Comparative vertical ethography of exploited Latin American youth cadres

Translation

Whoring your way through Central & South America. On somebody else’s nickel.

Aerospace science implications of powered aircraft kept in contact with continuous, stationary, rotary physical fitness system: Some observations on lift and angle of attack outcomes

Something to do with airplanes on treadmills, obviously….

Interaction Dynamics in Dyadic Linguistic Recall of Textual Semantics and Structures: An Observational Case Report.

Talking about a book with your friend.

Investigating Alternative Physical Recovery Techniques And Modalities.

Where to nap

Impact of a token system on the dynamics of randomization.

Playing poker

Online group dynamics in problem-solving and data management regarding long-term popular-culture memory of musical performances, with some insights into the use of humor as a communications enhancement and subsequent meme-generation among Internet in-groups: A Study

All about “Rio” by Duran Duran, naturally.

Longitudinal examination of conversion of chromatic materials from liquid to solid state

Watching paint dry

Emotional, Physiological, And Psychological Reactions To Unexpected Harmonic And Rhythmic Shifts

Being Rickrolled!

Stochastic Random Walks Through Curated Knowledge Spaces; A Multidisciplinary Synoptic Collaboration

Translation

Reading the Dope all day.