Suggestions for handling a mentee with ADHD?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve just signed up to be a Big Brother. We had our first hang-out today! He’s a neat little kid and I think we’re going to have a lot of fun.

He has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication of some kind for it. Apparently he was more hyperactive than usual today, as he didn’t get his meds until noon. His grandmother says, “this is what it’s like if I don’t get his meds into him early enough.” It wasn’t unbearable by any means, but when we were done playing some games and such and I was trying to get him to throw out some ideas of stuff he’d for us to do, it was REALLY hard to keep him focused.

As a Big Brother, it’s not my job, nor my intention, to play any part in “curing” his issues. I am wondering if there’s strategies that I can use, however, to keep him focused on what we’re doing–or if I should even try to help in that department. Perhaps I should just let him be unfocused and hyper to whatever extent that it’s not bothering anyone we’re around (at a movie theatre, for example).

Any suggestions on how I should behave in relation to his condition? I would just like to do the things that are best for his development and to ensure that he’s truly enjoying our times together.

2

My youngest son has severe ADD, without hyperactivity. It is very difficult to sustain his attention at some things, but there are a lot of activities that he’s very into, and that helps to keep him focused on them. Those include video games, scootering, and his various “obsessions” such as Fear Factor, Gordon Ramsey, and WWE wrestling. It’s normal for kids like him to have these little obsessions- things that they focus on very well- find out what your little brother’s are and participate in them with him.

If you have tasks for him to do, break them down into sets of simple things that he will keep track of. Talk to him about whatever you two are doing, keeping him focused with your voice. Don’t let him start another task until he is finished with the one before it.

It should be a lot easier if he’s taking medication- if it’s not, then maybe he is taking the wrong thing and should be evaluated.

Also, have your activities planned out before you pick him up. Don’t expect him to be able to pick what you’re going to do together- that’s asking a lot of a little kid. If you want to include him in the planning, then you two plan together what the next get-together will involve at the end of the time together.

3

I’ve been on methylphenidate about half my life and come from a long line of ADHD folk (my great grandfather’s elementary school report cards are still around somewhere they say “W. Smith is a bright kid, but will not sit and focus,” only in era-appropriate handwriting and syntax; grandpa had undiagnosed ADHD, my mom has ADHD complicated by multiple high fevers in childhood, I was diagnosed in 5th grade) but I will cop to being a girl and having different symptoms than your little.* I’m not so much hyperactive as hyperverbal with poor impulse control and inattentiveness. (I also go off on tangents a lot, as the parantheticals and footnotes indicate.)

Even so, here’s a few things that should help, based on my experience:
Never give him a list of things to do or introduce your whole day’s plan in one big blob and expect it all to be remembered. Kids have never seemed great at short term memory as far as I could tell, and I was worse than my peers. If you plan on doing a lot of stuff, write it down.

If he’s doing something that he is focused on, and you want to start a conversation, you should give a sort of “buffer” on what you say. Don’t start with the interesting stuff. He’ll miss it and you’ll need to repeat it. Get his attention and then go on. (Sometimes ADHD people end up “hyperfocusing” to the point of shutting out everything around them.)

Don’t feel like a bad guy if you need to point out that your little is getting distracted or hyper. We don’t always notice ourselves. Especially don’t feel like a bad guy if you need him to speak him slower. When you’re really hyper, you don’t notice how fast you’re talking.

What do you and your little do when you hang out? Lego blocks are great because there’s plenty of opportunities to keep conversation going and enough variety to hold focus.

Oh! Important! Don’t give him caffeine unless you have parent/guardian permission! You don’t want to take any chances- you might not notice the effects and then he stays up until 3 am. Or maybe nothing happens. Either way, don’t risk it. Ditto orange juice- for some people, it flushes their meds from their system faster. Or so my mom says. I can ask her for a cite if you want.

Staying patient is the main thing, but don’t be a doormat. Structure helps.

*My friends who do Big Brother Big Sisters call their mentees their “littles.” I don’t know if everyone does, but I like it.

4

Ok! That’s great stuff. Thanks for that advice. I am a bit concerned about being a bad guy. I don’t want to be yet another person in his life who tells him he’s too hyper and needs to focus. Mostly because I’m not convinced he “needs” to do anything, least of all with his Big* when we’re just supposed to be having fun. At the same time, I’m kind of a task-focused guy, and don’t want to be run roughshod and find I’m not having fun.

What do you mean by “structure”? As in, “this is what we’re doing now”? Or as in, “you’re not allowed to behave in this particular way”? Or something else? I have very little experience around kids, so not really sure how to guide them generally. I’m not THE most patient guy, so I’ll definitely be very conscious of my frustration levels and use the many tools I have at my disposal to self-manage that.

  • I hear of “Big” and “Little” from the org. I kinda like it too.
5

I stretched “structure” a bit to make it work in that sentence. Both of your ideas are near what I mean, although I wouldn’t say “You’re not allowed.” If it came to that, better would be “This is not appropriate behavior for what we are doing” and if necessary an explanation of why it’s not okay. “Allowed” sounds like a proclamation, “appropriate” invokes the social contract.

The main thing is that acknowledging and dealing with difficulties (focus, transitions) is good, but letting them override what is supposed to happen is not.

6

What I would think as for structure- it helps my son to know in advance what’s going to be happening. A routine, like maybe you could always get a snack first, and then you will do an activity, and then read together (just an example) before you head back home. It helps for them to know what to expect and to have certain cues that tell them it’s almost time to ___, rather than things sneaking up on them and they’re not ready for it.

7

My Mom’s a Big Sis and the group lit calls the participants Bigs and Littles.

Definitely check on dietary restrictions- esp anything with caffeine and sugar contents.