A friend of mine called me a few minutes ago and told me that he and a mutual friend had been conversing and this mutual friend brought up and lingered on the topic of suicide. They’re still talking about it now, so he’ll need advice SOON in order to be effective. I suggested he call a suicide prevention place, but he’s understandably hesistant. This kid is pretty resistant to the idea of psychology and would probably ignore anything a crisis line would say anyway. I think anything helpful we say will need to come from a friend. Also, to be honest, we’re afraid of overreacting.
I haven’t gotten involved myself since this person didn’t say this to me, and it would be, I think, pretty alienating for him to know that my friend was telling others.
Some things to note:
-as far as we know, he’s not on the verge of committing suicide (ie: the noose isn’t around his neck as we speak)
-he said that his family had known about this in the past and tried to take him to a therapist but he refused.
How can I help him?
If he’s telling someone, he wants help. CALL 911!!! Who cares if he doesn’t want you to! Saving his life is the only thing that matters!!! Worry about the long term later!
Jeez thats a tough one isn’t it. I spent most of the past weekend on the phone to a friend of mine who was feeling suicidal.
I had not a clue what to do and she wouldn’t call professional help. So what I did:
- stayed on the phone and listened
- told her how much she meant to me
- reminded her of special times in her life and other friends who cared for her
It wasn’t much but she said it made a difference having someone to listen to. Having been there myself not so long ago I can understand that.
I’m telling you this as someone who lost a friend to suicide a year and a half ago! IT DOESN"T MATTER IF HE HATES YOUR FRIEND FOR OVER-REACTING! Wold he rather have that regret for the rest of his life?!! Make the call.
Oops. I thought you said he DID have the noose! Sorry. Doesn’t change a thing though (except 911!). But if he is talking about it then he is not beyond help.
For me it would depend on how well I know the person. My friend who rang on the weekend knew that if she committed suicide another close friend of ours would also do it. So she chose not to because she knew the impact it would have on the lives of those around her.
Still she felt close to loosing it and needed someone to reach out to. I ended up going and staying at her place overnight and we talked about her problems. If she doesn’t get professional help soon though I am going to have to take her to see someone, for the sake of both our sanity.
Is your friend close enough that you can go to their place and be with them?
Perhaps you should let his family know how bad the problem is?
Ok, it appears my friend has diffused the situation. He called and they talked for an hour. The person in question said he’s not going to kill himself, and that If he thinks he will he will get help. Thanks for all the advice.
However, the larger question still remains for future reference, what kinds of things should one say to someone who is possibly suicidal in order to at least act as a stop gap measure?
Another question, apparently the person in question thought this was a pretty usual thing for people to think about suicide. Is this true?
What can the police do in these situations if the victim isn’t willing to listen?
but I think some very good advice has been given here already.
To reiterate:[ul][li]Keep talking to them. About anything. Relevant, or irrelevant. They should see that someone cares enough about them. Or be distracted… or both. You know what I mean.[]Be with them, if you can. For the same reasons as before, because you can monitor them more closely and act more quickly, and physically intervene if necessary. Get help. For them, and for you. Now, and later. Get professionals on the scene if possible (especially if you think your friend is serious, but even if you’re not sure). Find counselling for your friend, for afterwards, and for you too. This is heavy stuff – even if you think you can brush it off, and leave it behind… it weighs on you. And it never hurts to have someone to talk to. :)[/ul][/li]*Disclaimer: Don’t put yourself at risk, obviously!
In addition to all of the things already mentioned, get a hotline number and give it to them. Tell them / try to make them promise, that if they should begin to think about suicide again, they will call you and or the hotline number. I recently used a hotline number. I was working on a situation involving a friend of one of my students. They were very helpful. I believe each suicide threat should be treated with great attention and immediate intervention. I have been accused of “over - reacting” and that is just fine with me. I would rather take drastic steps and be wrong. Actually, it feels great to know that things have worked themselves out and that I have “jumped to conclusions”. Good luck.
Why is the person suicidal - a traumatic event? long-standing depression? I can tell you what stopped me from killing myself when i was obsessively suicidal for 8 years. Thinking what it would do to my family - I envisioned Chrismtas’s without me, etc. Now I can’t recommend this necessarily - what if the guy/girl hate’s his family? Of course, I blamed my family for alot of my problems, but still couldn’t ruin there lives for it.