This is a kinda poll, I guess, so I’m putting it here. If not, I apologize to all.
I work in the CIS dept of a university, and the grad student lounge is on the 8th floor. There’s a balcony, open, with a low railing. Nice to sit out there in good weather.
When I first saw it, I thought “Wow. Did they think how easy it would be to jump or fall? It’s nice to have it open- they must really trust us.”
Yesterday, I looked down from my office while the guy who fell or jumped was being worked on- they think it was suicide from what people in the lounge said- hoping and praying the people doing CPR would stop, and that he’d be ok before the EMTs got there. Or that the EMTs would be successful.
Nobody was. He died.
And I’m sitting here, thinking that if I’d said something, if I’d agitated that it was unsafe, if he’d had to make an effort, that he might not have done it.
Would anyone have said anything about it? Or would a higher railing have been effective?
The person who commits suicide is responsible for his or her own actions. That may sound harsh, but whether to kill one’s self is ulitmately the choice of the individual. Anyone sufficiently motivated to kill himself will do it no matter how high a fence is. The way to prevent suicide is to deal with the person’s emotional problems, not to create a “Nerf” world that is completely safe.
I don’t want to burden you with too much information, but earlier this year I was in a pretty bad place in my personal life. Bad enough that it started to occur to me that maybe everybody would be better off without me. Fortunately, I realized that that sort of thinking is sympomatic of a emotional problem, and I got help to deal with it.
But the point is this: if I had done something irrevocable, it would have been my decision and no one else would have been to blame. People who take their own lives have emotional problems, often more than just the depression that is making them suicidal.
If you will take the recommendation in the spirit it is intended, I would like to suggest that you seek out some counseling yourself. Better to nip that misplaced guilt in the bud now that let it sit around inside you stinkin’ up the place.
Suppose there had been a high railing, or suppose the area had been completely fenced in. Further assume that the person bent on suicide had made up his mind to jump from a height; no other method would do. IMO, he would simply have found some other high place to jump from. I doubt that it would have been difficult to do so.
OTOH, if he was for some reason bound and determined to jump from that particular building, he would have found a way: climbing the railing, cutting through the fencing, jumping from a window elsewhere in the building, jumping from the roof, or whatever.
From what you say, it wasn’t clearly unsafe, so if it was an accident, it was a freak accidents that no one could have reasonably predicted.
If it was a suicide, changes in the physical environment would not have prevented it. Even in jail they can’t keep people from killing themselves, and I don’t think making everyone’s life more like jail will do anything to reduce suicide. The only way to address the problem is to improve and promote treatments for depression, and to reduce the stigma attached to seeking professional help.
Take care of yourself. This would be a terrible thing for anyone to witness, and you sound like an especially sensitive person.
Thanks to everybody.
KneadToKnow. Yeah, I made the appointment w/ student counselling because I couldn’t concentrate- pictures kept intruding. Though the head of the services asked “Is everyone over there upset?” Well duh- it’s not like we go “My, somebody dead. Must…continue…to…code”.
I don’t know very much about suicide- I just thought that if you make it very very hard, then fewer people would do it because it would be so hard to do- if that makes sense? That the lounge balcony made it easy?
It’s midterms right now, and a lot of us get pretty stressed- like everybody else. I dunno- if he’d done badly. I wish that there was something- like an attendence/I went to college thing that could be given out- I’ve had students crying because they were failing and they needed the class to graduate.
There are so many ways of doing yourself in…
Jump from a high place. If you don’t have a building, there are still bridges, cliffs, towers, tall trees…
Shoot yourself.
Hang yourself.
Poisons.
Household chemicals.
Cutting.
Drugs.
Crashing a vehicle at high speed.
There was a case in San Diego. Divers found a man clad only in bathing trunks handcuffed to the mooring chain of a bouy. They ruled it suicide.
Cutting.
I saw photos of a guy who cut himself in half with a band saw.
Self-immolation.
“Suicide by police”.
Explosives.
Jump off of a ship.
I’m sure there are more, but that’s all I can think of at the moment. There just isn’t any way to prevent a determined suicide. The good news is that most suicides are a plea for help. Most people want to be saved.
The bad news is that their pleas must be heard. They may not want to “burden” someone else with their problems. Many people don’t recognize the signs before it’s too late. It’s not their fault. “God helps those who help themselves.” Sometimes all a potential suicide needs to help himself is to ask for help. And while people may see the signs of impending self-distruction, sometimes they don’t. If the victim would have taken that one step – to let people know he was hurting – it may have turned out differently. He can’t expect people to run to his aid – and I believe that they will – unless he takes the responsibility to let them know what he’s thinking.
I think that most people who witness or are close to a suicide feel guilty. I think it’s human nature to help those in trouble. I understand you feel guilty. But there are some things that you can’t do anything about. Go ahead and chat with the councellor. It’s okay to feel bad. But it’s not your fault.
Funny- my school’s grad lounge is set up similarly, with a balcony and all. The balcony railing is kinda low, but the whole thing had a mesh fence, so that there is no way to get over the railing (short of cutting the fence). I don’t know if there’s a history behind that, though. Maybe it was just pre-emptive.
Don’t want to talk about jumping. But is there a definite danger of falling? If so, the balcony should be reinforced. There’s no liability for suicide, but there is for accidents. Is this the first time someone “jumped or fell”?
