10 years old is not old enough to make those kinds of decisions, emphasize that she was born a female and limit exposure to things that might make her question something like this.
Guessing that there are LGBTQ members on the board who can pipe up if they felt a certain way when they were 10, but I wouldn’t be surprised if many recognized something about there sexuality that was different from their peers at that age.
And, again, when my 13 yo daughter came to us stating that she wasn’t straight, I didn’t care one iota - my only concern was making sure that I loved her and I would support her. If her first kiss is a boy or girl, it makes not one bit of difference to me, only that the other person is good for my daughter.
Like what? Human males? :rolleyes: It might be too early to start talking about gender reassignment surgery. It’s certainly not too early for a child to make a “decision” that has no permanent implications.
My point is that a child should not feel pressured one way or the other that young and by pressured I mean exposed to media that might promote a child wanting to be something different or even giving that option at that age. If a child who is much older has these questions then I can understand addressing them. But 10 years old just seems really really young to me for a child to be able to make such a significant decision about changing gender when it could just be a passing fad because of something they heard on tv or from a friend, etc.
I should have worded it better, I’m just getting at not pushing a child into another gender or letting them dress up as another gender when they are too young to fully understand everything associated with it. Childhood should be fun and enjoyable not weighed down with the heavy stuff of sexual preference particularly at an age when no child should be active with their preference one way or the other.
TLDR: Sexuality & gender should not be an issue that matters at age 10
What do you mean, “active with their preference”? I knew I was into girls by the time I was six or seven (I’m a dude). I wasn’t having sex or anything but I certainly knew what my preference was.
I don’t want to get into hot water or anything but emphasizing something that is outside of the norm is kind of what I meant. I don’t think you can know that you are anything other than heterosexual at so young an age because you are being influenced by your peers, by your interactions with others and by the culture around you.
I doubt anyone is actually “pressuring” kids to be LGBTQ, but I’ll bet plenty of LGBTQ kids have been pressured that they have to conform to society’s ideas of binary sexuality and be straight. If my son or daughter was 10 years old and said she was gay or whatevs, I would say “OK”, asked them if they had any questions, and said that I supported them and loved them and that was it.
It’s pretty far down on stuff I’ve worried about as a parent.
I totally get that too, I just think at age 10 a kid shouldn’t have to figure out what their sexuality is. A kid should be able to play outside, go make friends, save that for the teenage years when all the hormones are raging.
I’m not a parent nor someone who’s ever had any gender issues myself, but as I’ve educated myself more about this stuff over the past year I’ve come to the realization that children know more about themselves than most people would think, and it’s more likely better to let them be who they believe they are rather than to try and force them into what you and/or society would expect them to be.
I’ll assume that you’re a heterosexual male. How old were you when you realized you were a man? How old were you when you realized you liked girls? These may seem like stupid questions because they’re things you’ve always known and had no reason to doubt. For most people who’re transgender, my understanding is that they know from a young age, on the same level that you and I know that we are what we are, that there’s a disconnect between their physical selves and their mental selves.
If nothing else, I think parents should be willing to give their child space to figure out and make a decision about who they are, and get them in touch with a therapist or psychologist (a competent therapist or psychologist* to help them work through the issues they’re having. If the kid is confused, or is following a trend, or imitating what they see on TV, then chances are it’ll pass when they come to the realization that they aren’t trans after all. It’s certainly better to be confused for a few years than it is to have kids killing themselves because their parents refuse to let them be themselves.
I’m fine with that at say maybe 13 or 14, 10 just seems awfully young for a kid to be thinking about something as weighty as that.
I had my first crush on a girl when I was 6. How about you?
Crushes are different than questioning ones entire gender, likely because of peer pressure, bullying or societal pressures.
I was in the third grade so 8 or 9 when I had my first “crush”. I still remember the girls name and what she looked like.
Sexuality is not the same thing as gender, but that’s not the point…
A child is ready when the child has opinions. 5 year olds know which line to stand in when you instruct them to make a boys line and a girls line. Gender identity has been researched in children as young as 5, and they are not confused. Transgender Kids Show Consistent Gender Identity Across Measures – Association for Psychological Science – APS
Transgender children who are supported by their families have good mental health outcomes. Trans children allowed to express identity 'have good mental health' | Transgender | The Guardian
Transgender kids who are told they can’t decide yet, it’s just a phase, they’re confused, they’re too young to know…they have a 40% suicide rate as teens and adults.Transgender people face alarmingly high risk of suicide
You’re free to believe anything you want, of course. But parents who believe as you do have a good chance of losing their kids. Not to a new gender, or new lifestyle that their parents didn’t dream for them, but to death.
I think that is more or less overblown, letting a kid wait and experience a normal childhood is not going to result in a higher chance of suicide. Staying engaged with your child as they get older and emphasizing these things at an older age is the key.
“I deny your statistics because I am right.”
I prefer sensible and pragmatic
By definition, a transgender person is not going to be able to have a “normal childhood”, whether or not you respect their identity or try to force them to conform.
The question becomes which option is more likely to result in the least harm to the child and the greatest chance of their becoming a successful and functional adult, and the studies show that that’s to respect their identity.
The issue becomes more of whether or not you are going to set up conditions that make it more likely an individual chooses to go down the path of the transgender lifestyle. If you nudge and encourage a child to go down that path, there are higher odds that the child will do so out of deference for the wishes of the parent at that age in which parental influence is still significant.
If you want until the onset of teenage years you will have much better odds methinks