Sure, but will we be shifting paradigms?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The firm for which I work has recently hired new leadership for our department, so of course that means – a New Vision!

I think the goal in developing this Vision was to cram as many business-speak cliches in the most compact space possible without actually committing to any measureable actions. I swear, I am not making this up, our new vision contains a mere 59 words and contains the following words and phrases:

  • distinctive customer service
  • value-added, nimble orgainization
  • utilizing
  • committing to success
  • nurturing a supportive culture through servant leadership
  • driving win-win solutions

Thanks boss! I think my responsibilities now are crystal clear! :rolleyes:

Really, do these vision statements serve any purpose at all?

2

Oh c’mon. “Nimble” is good.

Nimble beats hell out of the alternative.

I think.

What’s the opposite of “nimble”?

3

Ponderous?

“Servant leadership” sounds unpleasant.

4

Ridgid?

5

Oh come on, it’s not that bad. You just have to think outside the box.

6

And be proactive, while you’re at it.

7

Oh geez. I just have to ask though, were you all required to attend a two-day meeting offsite so that you could spend 9 hours a day crafting that vision statement? Because that’s just more fun than than porn.

8

No, we were e-mailed a survey wherein we had to vote for our favorite vision statement. They were worded almost exactly the same, mind you; the only difference was that one was in single-paragraph format and one used bullet points. Bullet points, I tell you! As if someone would not vote for bullet points! Why, I even used them in my OP.

9

Once again, the real world proves to us that while Dilbert might be satire, it isn’t exaggeration.

10

Get out your synergy lever and do some go forward thinking and pry that summbitch over into the corner.

11

Hey shift happens.

/obligatory groan

The last company I worked at prior to striking out on my own, we had a new business development manager who was fond of saying that, and used in in articles he hoped would bring in new business. I personally thought that expression might just keep people away . . . .

12

Will you be leveraging your core competencies at any point? Because that’s always fun.

Leveraging or leverageing? I’m not sure. It’s always hard to spell fake words.

13

Jesus. If I encountered this guy in a business setting, I would have to reach out to him and staple his fucking eyelids to his eyeballs.

14

But, but What’s the focus of scope. I can’t just start doing my job again willy-nilly without a defined focus of scope

15

Jeez, just look it up in your skills matrix.

16

Our last CO was fond of “gang-tackling” and “Be Bold” and I’m not going to go into the joke of an award program that was born under his command. The big prize, the one we’re supposed to aspire to earn, is a plastic cup with a hokey logo on it. I saw the pics from the last awards ceremony - honestly, several of the awardees looked embarrassed to be standing there with their schmucky plastic cup.

Shift *that * paradigm!

17

nothing in there about embracing coopetition?!? Sadly this indicates your lunch is already eaten.

18

I’m just kicking the tires here and floating it into neutral space, but I think “leveraging” will play better with our stakeholders.

19

It is indeed suboptimal that the program did not fully incentivize* you. I’m all for employee incentivizing.

*If you prefer, you may utilize the trendier “incent” here. As in, “we want to incent that behavior.” Feel free to go with whichever usage delivers the greatest value.

We better get their input first. It’s best if we’re all on the same page from Day One. We should aim for consistent terminology.

20

Will do. After I gather that data, we’ll schedule a knowledge transfer.