I know it might not seem like a big deal to you, but I really, really appreciate your effort, phouka. It’s like someone just grasping exactly what I need right now and being willing to help.
Many women may have God to rely upon through times like these. Right now I am struggling to find my way through science and reason.
Pre-emptively - I hope nobody takes that as a slam on religion or people who find comfort in faith. I’m just dealing the best way I personally can and begrudge no one else for doing the same.
You’ve been in the process of miscarrying for a month now, haven’t you? How many more weeks do you think it will take before your body wraps it up, “naturally”? I mean, I have no idea. No one does. You’re an individual and there’s no rules for these things. It just seems likely that if you have the proceedure tomorrow, your body may well be getting over the hormone hump vs the time it will take for your body to finally finish its miscarriage and gets started on the hormone crash.
Of course, I’m terribly sorry that you’re faced with this lousy decision. I’m sure whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for yourself. You’re smart and you’re strong.
You know you’re loved, right? You’re one of the pillars of the Straight Dope community, and you have done me more than a few good turns. I grok how reading and understanding things, even the things you can’t control, help with coping. I grieve right alongside you for you and your husband’s loss. If there’s anything else I can do to help, please let me know.
Right. My computer decided that now would be an excellent time to get hinky and has just eaten two attempted posts in a row. Third time’s the charm!
I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks followed by a D&C (actually, I was already dilated, so I always refer to it as a C, because that amuses me) and was surprised a dayish later by a wave of sadness. I thought it over and realized it must be the post-pregnancy blues, which made it easier to deal with, if that makes any sense. It wasn’t so bad and my mood lifted within a short period, I think less than a day? I honestly don’t even remember; it was something like 15 or 16 years ago and I never think about it.
I do go through depressive episodes, though not nearly as severe as what many people have to cope with, and my miscarriage and everything around it didn’t knock me off my stride for long at all. I hope the same for you, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Also, I applaud you for taking control of your mental and physical health here.
ETA: Gaah, and after writing this out three times you’d think I’d have remembered to add this: I know that my experiences only count as an anecdote, and the plural of that is not data, and it’s data you’re looking for, but I hoped it would add a data point, is all.
Thank you. Thank each and every one of you.
Dear Spice, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have never been pregnant so have nothing substantive to add. Just wanted to say I’m sorry.
Spice, check in when you’re feeling up to it, okay?
There are psychiatrists who have done fellowships focusing on maternal health during and after pregnancy. My sister is a physician who provides patients with referrals to these psych specialists so they receive appropriate care during their pregnancies. It may be something you want to discuss with your OB/GYN for the future.
For now, I wish you nothing but the best of health and recovery. I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through.
Spice, I started to get into depression when my wife had a miscarriage, and we can safely assume that would not be hormonal.
Expect that either choice would have the possibility of contributing to getting down and be proactive about your mood.
Thank you all for your love and kindness. Update here.