Survivor: Guatemala Ep. 6 - "Big Ball, Big Mouth, Big Trouble"

Cafe Society
1

Title from Yahoo! TV, as usual. Their description of the episode (not spoiler boxed because it doesn’t actually say anything we couldn’t get from the previews anyway):

Which means tonight is the Dreaded Traditional Double Tribal Council (DTDTC, for short). Although, I have to admit, I am actually kind of looking forward to ditching two bodies tonight. I wish they would make it a real survival challenge: throw everybody into Crocogator Lake, and the first two people to be eaten are voted out. Everyone else gets rescued … but the helicopters might take a while to get there. Wouldn’t that be sort of awesome?

Of course, that won’t happen, and so I fear that two of the people I despise the least will be out tonight. No idea, and I haven’t read any spoilers, so here are my WAG’s du jour: Brian, who is great on strategy but who has even girlier arms than Danni does, and Judd, who just need to shut up. A lot. Some more.

2

:smiley: Yes. Very awesome indeed. I’m hoping Stephenie is the first one eaten.

I’m hoping Brian sticks around longer, just because he seems so snarky. I like Brian.
Judd could go. I wanted to like him, but he’s turned out to be really annoying.
Or Danni. <catty> Her hat bothers me so much. I really hate it. </catty>
Gary could go. I don’t like him at all.

3

Oh, yes, me too. In fact, I’d like them to use Stephenie as bait, and then two others could get eaten as well. Thin the herd! Thin the herd!

4

I’ll make a prediction of Amy this week. I think she is going to be an injury boot. Of course, the previews are often misleading.

5

You know, I wonder … since she said that she wouldn’t quit unless someone stuck needles in her eyeballs, do you think that could be something that might happen? Like, she’ll take a header and land with her eyes open? Because I have to wonder if the typical editing irony might end up in play here. Anyway … I’m going to continue the trend here and keep cheering for Howlie and the crocs (band name!).

6

I wasn’t even going to watch tonight, I care so little about these people. But the possibility of Steph being eaten by gators might just yank me in.

7

It’ll get good at the merge. It always gets better when the true scheming begins.

8

holy Twist!!!

9

…or not

premature posting. sorry.

10

Holy hell, that’s a tribal council. I didn’t care enough to be actually watching it, but listening to Judd yell “I’m sportsmanship” might have been worth the hour I spent wondering why I wasn’t watching Smallville.

Danni’s use of the word “gentleman” came out on my internal closed captioning as “faaaaaabulously gay.” Good euphemism, Danni. But I’m glad to see Brian get the respect he deserves. For all of five minutes. Jeff seems to have really enjoyed that. “You pumped him up, and then you cut his throat.” Bwahahahahaha!!! I did like Brian, though.

11

Awww, I liked Brian. Margaret, not so much. But a hell of a lot better than Judd.

12

Okay, I’ll spoiler box it for the west coast:

WHAT THE F*CKING HOLY HELL WERE THEY THINKING??? Yes, Margaret is annoying, but Christ on a crutch, Judd just proved himself a complete asshole. That was a hell of a meltdown, though.

E.

13

First, Probst shows tonight why he would be missed if he ever left the show. His closing line was brillaint. Second, Survivor: Guatemala finally has a villian, but sadly he is not in the intellectual league with Lex Luthor or Doctor Doom. The one guy that COULD have been a Doctor Doom gets his plan foiled like…well…Doctor Doom. Man. Is there ANYONE who hasn’t whooped Dr. Doom’s ass? But I am getting off topic.

And so, the less anticipated, highly derivative RICH RANKINGS! (N or Y for Tribe (Nakum or Yaxha) and Last Week’s Ranking in Parentheses).

FORGOT TO FILE A 1040- I guess you couldn’t outwit everyone!

Jim,Morgan,Brianna, Brooke, Blake- Jim…you better try to catch the overflow.
Brian- (Y/Mohawk)- Down goes FRAZIER! I am bummed. I thought if he got dumped, it would be because he flaunted his power. He just got played.
Margaret- (N/Jerky)- She had a lot of ammo, but she never loaded the gun. She never offered an alternative to voting her off other than to say Judd’s a jerk. Anyone But Judd.

JUDD’S CATEGORY- You’re Judd.

Judd- (N/Jerky)- I have never seen a poorer tribal council that did not result in ouster. He kept interupting people on the topic of listening to people! And thus, we have a new category. Judd is so far in the hole, that he is virtually eliminated. He may stick around for a few more weeks, but he is done.

EATING BEEF JERKY- You’re still playing, but you’re praying for a tribe scramble!

Cindy-- (N/Jerky)- Beergate did not work out like Jerkygate, so you stay in the category that was inspired by the original snack related misadventure.

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A MERGE?-

No one is mediocre this week.

HEY! LOOK AT HIS MOHAWK-You might make the merge, but you’re grimacing from the jury row!

Bobby Jon- (Y/Mohawk)- A little bit crazy, but will probably make the merge.
Brandon- (Y/Merge)- I think all is forgiven for his Blake support. But why was he surprised that people voted for Blake? Didn’t they try to get him to do it as well?
Jamie- (N/Merge)- Being a good sportsmaship is overated.
Stephenie- (N/Merge)- Has a solid alliance, but she would be a big target in the individual challenges.
Amy- (Y/Merge)- The ankle keeps being an issue, but the closer to merge, the better a swollen ankle looks. Plus, you gritted it out. A courtesy upgrade is warranted.

LOOKING FOR A BIG TOM TO ENGLISH DICTIONARY- Big Tom has spent more combined days on the show than anyone. But he didn’t quite grab the brass ring.

Lydia- (N/Tom)- Was she not asked a single question at tribal council? Cruising under the radar.
Rafe- (N/Tom)- Was Judd helping him because he liked him or because Judd wanted to brag? Probably the latter. Rafe scored points with Gary.

ARE YOU A RAT OR A SNAKE?- Reserved for a MAXIMUM of two players. You have to be in the driver’s seat for this spot.

Gary- (Y/Rat)- Was a non-factor for the second week in a row. Trouble is brewing, but he is still doing just enough to stay ahead.
Danni- (Y/Rat)- Continues to excel. She is likeable and devious at the same time. Athletic enough to win challeneges without scaring people.

14

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, where to start? Hummina hummina hummina. I think that might actually have been a good episode, but not for any of the reasons I would have expected.

Umm … let’s start with Rafe. He went from my early fave to kind of out of the running to right back to the top of my list. Way to play that one! First of all: Now that’s a reward! The BBQ was just a teaser; it was the opportunity to play God that was awesome. And he absolutely played that 100% correctly. He’s been on a tribe with Brian, and he knows what Brian’s capable of, so he did what any true student of the game should have done right there – assume that Brian is going to work his mojo, and then help slam the door on his ass just in case he didn’t. Bravo, my lovely gay Mormon boyfriend! Bravo! Plus, I think the outdoors really becomes you (not that you care what this married hetero woman thinks). Those glasses work for you.

Now, Judd, darling. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. In triplicate. My God, what is wrong with those people? I can’t believe and am embarrassed to admit that, way back in the beginning, I thought he might be cool. Oh no he di’n’t – asshole KNOWS he drank the extra beer! What a flaming fucktard. Grrr. How has someone not shanked him with one of those poison branches by now? I’m with Draelin, sort of: listening to him say “I’m sportsmanship” over and over like some kind of crack-addled mantra was almost worth the price of admission. Not that he knows what “sportsmanship” is, obviously, but since he’s on a tribe with Sore-Loser-AND-Sore-Winner Stephenie, it’s kind of understandable how things got so warped. I hope he’s embarrassed when he sees this episode, though. Man has children! I fear for our future.

Poor Margaret … I will miss you. I wish you would have kept your yab shut at T.C. and let Judd dig his own hole. You would have been fun on the Jury. Oh well. Nurse Practioner, heal thyself, and party on without him. Maybe you can find his luggage back in Losers’ Lodge and pee all over it or something. Show him what “sportsmanship” really is. Heh.

And Brian is an excellent example of a classy exit, and I actually believed him. He didn’t see it coming, and he liked it that way. Nothing unkind to say about anyone else, no regrets – but what do you expect from such a faaaaaaaaaabulously gay gentleman? Of course I knew he was gone when they showed his comment about “this” being “the outwit” portion of the game. Still, he lasted longer than one might have thought at first blush. He’s going to be boring at the Reunion, unless they announce that he is going to be the new host when Probst leaves. Because he would actually be good, I think.

Question of the Week: Seriously and all, why are Steph and Bobby Jon still there? Or, more precisely, why were they ever asked back? They either bore me or annoy me, depending on the week. This week? Booooooooooooring. With a capital Zzzzzzz. Except for that Challenge wig-out. That was sort of almost awesome. But, again, I am still cheering for the monkeys and the crocs. Go Howlie!

FYI, with regards to the preview for next week: Just did a quick Google search, plus a super bonus search on ESPN.com, and the only “Gary Hawkins” that comes up anywhere with regards to sports? Is on a bass fishing website. If we are to believe that Danni really outed Gary, why doesn’t she use his real name? Doesn’t she know the first rule about blowing another spy’s cover? Reveal their name, rank, and serial number. I learned that from watching “Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp” reruns on Nick at Night.

15

Omigod! Those monkeys are adorable. Did you notice how that one monkey had everything dangling on either side of that limb? Even his little monkey balls!

16

Brian failed last week and I was sure he was going to be a target this week? How did he fail last week, you ask? He got MotorMouth voted off, right? He failed by snaking too soon. No one likes to be manipulated. I would wager that a lot of the unshown footage was discussion of showing the little wannabe snake how it really works. Revenge is best served cold and all that.

Quite frankly, I hated his guts from Day 1 and I’m so glad he’s gone. NOW we get to see some REAL snaking… from now on, that is…

Why all the Steph hate? I think she’s pretty awesome. Her little notice that THIS is the tribe now was exactly how I was looking at it. Margaret was a fool to try and make people “choose sides.” The tribe is the sum of who is there at this time, not who was where elsewhen. She chose… poorly.

17

Oh Judd, King Pyrrhus calling for you on line 2.

18

Does anyone else suspect that next week Judd is going to tell everyone his grandmother just died? Seriously Judd - fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.

And not being fat or drunk but making up for it with an extra helping of stupid is our own Bobby John. The best moment on this week’s episode was watching him try to articulate why he voted against Blake. And Brandon listening and thinking, “my strategy was to look non-threatening by playing dumb but I can’t compete against this guy.”

Brian’s gone but he played well. It’s ironic that the other players voted him out becuase they thought he was physically weak when they should have been worried about him outplaying them all. We’ll have to see whether or not Amy and Gary end up regreting breaking up the OY alliance.

Margaret on the other hand deserved to go. She knew what the key was - let Judd act out - but she didn’t put it in the lock. She should have gone up to people before the TC and run the line, “Do you want to spend another 30 days out here with him?” Bonus points if she had pointed out to Lydia and Rafe that they’re not part of the Inner Circle of Jamie, Judd, and Stephanie. Extra bonus points if she had asked Stephanie if she really believed two macho idiots like Jamie and Judd were going to take a girl to the final two. Then, having sown the seeds of doubt about Judd and presented voting him out as a viable alternative, Judd’s performance at the council might have actually swayed some votes.

19

And the pattern continues-- love the challanges; don’t give a damn about the people doing them. Excepting Danni and her intrepid shorts. That woman’s a twig, but whadda fine twig.

“I’m sportmanship!” Tee hee.

20

I so want Judd off my television screen. He’s the least likeable contestant since Johnny Fairplay.

While I admire Amy for playing through an injury, this was the time to vote her off. She isn’t going to be a threat in individual challenges so there won’t be any move to her off if she makes the merge. If that happens I predict a possible final four finish for her.