Best.links.ever.
Could I get a cite for that?
Here’s mine from a quick google search: What is Sashimi?
Thank.you.Pullet.
The second one is funny but I can’t quite tell if the first is supposed to be serious or not.
Yes and no. Try this link on Origami which is more overtly a joke.
I love the sublte humor of this series, but it looks like all the subtitled versions are fan subbed. Anyone know where I can get real copies with subtitles?
The first one is a riff on the “how to” guides that were quite popular when I lived in Japan in the early 1990s (think about the movie Ososhiki (aka The Funeral)). Almost every one of those instructions is observed more in the breach than in the practice. If you had any doubt as to the satirical nature of the first one, the salt dish at the end should have erased it.
You’ve been to the wrong restaurant and are hanging out with the wrong people.
If you don’t like sushi, then you’re on drugs. Give me yours.
Look at these pretentious assholes!
(I love that video so much - it’s not often you see something so unashamedly and non-cynically joyful on YouTube.)
Sushi, or drugs?
Never mind, give me both.
Now I really want to hear the actual story fom the OP. I am having visions of an as-told-by-Sampiro scene of flying fish, eyes poked by chopsticks, shirts stained with soy sauce and the whole shebang. Give it to us, man. What happened?
So I guess you’re a “no” for ceviche as well? 
Jesus, has this rant been stewing for something like 20 years. I could see someone getting all bent over the pretentious raw fish eaters in 1987, but now it’s just another random cuisine. Hell, they’ve had packaged sushi in supermarkets for years now.
If you like it, great. If not, order the beef teryaki and let the fish eaters enjoy their meal.
It’s an elaborate joke produced by a comedy duo (the two male customers) called Ramens. I’d swear they hung out with foreign visitors to come up with some of those jokes.
Oh, and Mosier and JohnBckWLD, if you ever find yourself in my neighborhood (the Tsukiji fish market), don’t worry your tender little tummies; there’s a McDonald’s.
Chiming in to mention that visiting the Tsukiji market was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.
Sharing sake with fishmongers at 5AM and eating slices of raw tuna sliced straight from the fish in front of you… shit, man…
Assuming the OP is not just a troll attempt designed to tweak sushi-lovers (which is rather how it reads), I would also side with some of the others who’ve proffered “wrong restaurant” as an explanation for the hostility.
The current ubiquity of sushi here in the U.S. means that there’s an awful lot of subpar seafood being sold, and all pieces of raw fish are definitely not equal. Hint: if you’re buying “99 cent” sushi, buying prepackaged stuff from the grocery store, or sampling it from a lunch buffet table where it’s been sitting for God-knows-how-long, you’re unlikely to be eating the good stuff. Someone whose only experience with steak was some gristly chunk of shoe leather from T.G.I. Friday’s would probably find steak aficionados incomprehensible, too.
As Autolycus suggested, a quality piece of sashimi has a fantastic flavor all on its own and will fairly melt in your mouth. I could eat sushi/sashimi every day of my life if it weren’t so expensive.
I don’t like some food so nobody must really like it! Instead of coming to the obvious conclusion that people have different tastes, I’m going to assume people have somehow been ‘suckered’ into eating food they find unpalatable!
What if you eat sushi off of your partner? Does that count?
You don’t think so? All I have to do is wait 10 minutes, because once that rice starts to expand in mah belly, I find myself regretting having ordered a second round.
and
Awesome links!