While we’re talking about ‘Bad Drivers’, I could have sworn I read in a prior post that SUV drivers were bad drivers because of statistical data on stopping distance and rear-end accidents.
Now, lets assume there are 2 cars on a two lane highway and only one of them is observing one car length of distance for every 10 miles per hour between them and the car in front. Picture it in your mind…they’re both going 55mph. Now, picture that the one car that isn’t observing these distances, and sensing an advantage of one whole car length, cuts in front of the car, which is observing the proper stopping distances. You can almost see it, can’t you? I know that I can see it. I just have to wait til 5:05pm.
Now lets change that…lets say that the person observing the longer stopping distances is the SUV. Lets also assume that the smaller cars, with penises to match, are all driving like Vin Diesel, passing on the left, passing on the right, and generally moving as erratically as a wasp over a picnic table. (Now, of course we know that this is a rigged example as all SUV drivers are bad bad drivers and absolutely none of the smaller cars drive like Kamikazi pilots on crack.)
So lets see…we have an SUV observing 8 car lengths at 55…and <zip> there goes a piece of crap tin can cutting in front of it to get ahead in traffic. And <zip> there goes another. And another. And another. And so on. and so on (hey, anybody else smell shampoo?)
So no matter how hard the SUV tries to keep the proper stopping distance, people in smaller cars who are blissfully unaware of the danger they are putting themselves in keep cutting it off and reducing the distance between it and a rear bumper to a less than safe distance.
Now I want you to picture that the Altima and the Camry way up ahead in our little mock scenario have a little road rage rampage. Lets say the Camry was tailgating, the Altima started using its windshield washer fluid, they both start throwing change at each others cars until they both pull out their Glocks and blow each other away. (Stop smiling, this is an example)
After the gunplay, imagine that all traffic suddenly jams to a halt in the SUV’s lane of the highway. Everybody jams on their breaks. And the last stupid fucker’s car who cut off the SUV? Oh, I’m so sorry, you’re a broken can of Contadina tomato paste, pick up your consolation harp on your way out, Buh-Bye!
And the story that runs in the papers the next day? “Another SUV related death…details page 5”. And the person reading it in the office next to you quips, “Wow. You know, they oughtta teach those SUV owners how to drive.”