Sweet Home Alabama (long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In just under 20 days I will be returning to my hometown. I’ve spent 16 years here with my back turned to the south, vowing I’d never return. Until about 2 months ago it never occured to me that I could go back, so many things had changed, I had changed. I couldn’t tell you what happened in me 2 months ago, but in a phone conversation with my brother he brought up my moving home, not unlike many other conversations, but this time it struck a homesickness in me and I made my mind up over the next few days to go. I’ve felt nothing but anticipation since making the decision to return to AL, the place of my youth, the place I left swearing to never return, the place of so many sweet memories, of my innocence. I never realized how much I missed it until I decided to go back. How I can’t wait to leave this city and get back to that place. I never fit in here, I had to lose my accent (lest I sound too stupid to take seriously), I had to fight to hold onto my values when facing so much adversity to what I thought inportant. (Money comes 4th or 5th on my list yet so many here value it as 1). I was 17 when I was left here to fend for myself, (my mother’s bi-polor and she left during an episode leaving me behind) and it’s been an uphill battle the entire time. Fighting for my right to live, trying to find happiness, someone who could connect with me. I never felt understood here. I don’t like being in a hurry everywhere I go, fighting for my spot on the road. Last time I went home (about 5 yrs ago) my friends all told me I was “citified” that the city had changed me, it probably had, but here, I’m too country, my values a little too strict. I wonder if there is a place for a girl like me, I never found the love I wanted here. Sometimes I compaired my boyfriends to Adam (my childhood sweetie) and though some had many of his admirable qualities, they didn’t make me feel understood the way he had.In fairness I had to put Adam out of my mind. I couldn’t hold on to what I was sure was a ghost, forever in my memory. I never had to tell Adam anything, he just knew it, he felt it, he understood me with out a word. He’s married now, and I don’t plan on looking him up when I return, I won’t be someone who interferes with his happiness, and I don’t want to confuse him or the situation. I’m sure his wife wouldn’t like me around either, as our bond was pretty special. Most of my school yard friends don’t want much to do with me as I’m not a christian (I’m agnostic/athiest depending on the day) and yet I’m still a good friend. I’m a spinster by southern standards (31 and single with 0 kids). Tonight was the first time since making this decision that I felt anything except excitement, tonight I felt a twing of fear. I know life will be better for me there, after all I have my brother and father there, and that in itself will give me the love and connections with other humans that one can become so unattached to in a city like DC. What if I get there and realize that it doesn’t feel like home anymore? I always wanted to leave AL in the past so I could hold onto the memories, and they would always remain special to me. I just want to find where I belong, and I think it’s time to go back to last place I felt that in so I can determine where I need to go from there, if I ever leave again. I hope for myself that I can take the wisdom gained here in the capitol of the US and return to my hometown only to find a way to put that knowledge to work for me, my family and my community. I want to make a difference in the world, at leat in my world, and I hope I can combine these two worlds to the benefit of those around me. I hope I will find more happiness there then I could here. I know this city has changed me, I became real jaded for a time, it took serious time in therapy to overcome all the mountains I have faced here. If home truely is where the heart is, then I am on my way home, and if my heart is true I’ll be right where I need to be.

Sorry I know this was kinda long and there’s not much to comment on here, but I need to sort out my feelngs now that the anxiety is taking over. Thanks for listening.

(as a side note, I noticed that about 2 weeks ago I flipped around in my bed, not changed it’s position, but my head is now where my feet should go, and now I face south when I sleep. I was thinking about this and I realized that I’d been sleeping with my back to the south for many years, yet all the sudden I am facing south again.)

2

I think I understand your mixed emotions about all of this. Sometimes we spend so much time and effort trying to forget the past and trying to break away from it, that we forget the good things we got from it and the simple pleasures of being allowed to be yourself. I don’t know why you swore never to return home, but who you are and where you come from is only a problem if you let it become so. Maybe you’ve changed the way you look at life because you’re older and wiser now and it seems you’ve realised that it’s not so important to try to impress people in the big city by pretending to be someone or something you’re not. You should be proud of yourself and your values, no matter how they look in somebody else’s eyes. Good luck, Tabeitha and I hope you enjoy a sense of belonging to the community you call home.

3

Welcome back home! There’s still lots of work to do here, and we need all the help we can get. :slight_smile:

4

Girl, when I was 18 I ran away from Mississippi. Ran as far as I could (Los Angeles). I could only stand being away for two years; I don’t know how you lived through 16. :slight_smile: I came back after realizing that much of what I was running from was in myself; it had nothing to do with Mississippi. I doubt I’ll ever leave again.

You will find that Alabama has changed, as John Carter can attest, in many ways for the better. Just try to accept the things that still are’nt quite right about the South (for now) and help the rest of us on our journey to make it a wonderful place to live.

Oh, and welcome home, too.

5

It’s not the same “South” anymore. About half of the residents now are transplanted Northerners.

6

I’m going back home to Alabama myself in eight days. Alabama is lucky that I like some of the people there, because otherwise it wouldn’t have anything going for it. :wink:

Well, the Birmingham Civil Rights Museum is pretty cool, and the Marshall Space Flight Center isn’t bad. But it doesn’t have much going for it.

7

Welcome back!!! John Carter of Mars is right-there is still work to be done. But a lot has been done since you’ve been gone.

I notice more diversity and tolerance than even five years ago. It’s still a beautiful state. I drive by the Cahaba River when I need to unwind after work. Awesome.

Hope you don’t regret your move and ROLL TIDE!
(some things never change…):smiley:

8

I am sensing the makings of a very BIG Bamadopefest.

And welcome home, Tabeitha. If you’re anywhere near me, I’ll be happy to drop by with a welcome-back-to-AL surprise.

9

Thanks everyone!! I think a Bama dope fest would be an awesome way to get back into the swing of things. I’ll be in Montgomery, don’t know how far away that is from you all, but I will travel for a dope fest. I can’t wait to get back to the south. You know what pisses me off the most is all the jerks up here that say to me “southern accents sound stupid.” I remember when I first moved here I had kids in highschool trying to teach me how to speak properly “where the hell is yonder, and who is ya’ll, intelligent people don’t say those things.” Screw them, I can’t wait to get my accent back. I vowed to never to go back partly due to my shame. I rebelled hard once we moved here, got into fights, did drugs, became a stripper…I was too embarassed to go home while I was still living that life style. Even though my brother and father didn’t judge me for these things, it wasn’t really what I wanted, just had to get the anger out. Growing up in Bama I was a straight A student, a cheerleader, and I had family and friends to help me out. Once I moved here it was hard to fit in. I tried out for cheerleading and gymnastics but I wasn’t as put together as the other girls my age. Hell I was and still am a bit of a tom boy (which seems to me to be more acceptable in the south). Anyway, I feel so good about this move that short of death nothing could stop this from happening.

Thanks again for all your support, and War Eagle (after all I am going to be attending AUM)!

10

War Eagle right back atcha’ Tabeitha! I’m a little surprised lurker anonymous came out with that “Roll Tide”. I figgered Mike Price had killed that forever. smirk.

I’m about 65 miles from Montgomery, and go there frequently for meetings. There are a few more dopers from that immediate area and maybe they’ll check in.

11

Welcome back. I hope returning grants you all the happiness that you hope it will.

You and I are kind of in opposite boats, I want out of the state so badly. I lived away for a brief time during college (Arlington, VA, actually), and while I realized the DC area wasn’t for me, I liked being away from Bama. But I returned and have been wanting to move away on a longer term basis ever since.

I’m in the Northwest part of the state, but I have family in Montgomery, and lots of Auburn alumni in my extended family. I officially opted out of the whole Iron Bowl rivalry several years ago (long, boring story). But you should have fun ragging the Tide fans about Coach “Playa” Price, as I thought the press should have nicknamed him.

Here’s hoping for a big BamaDope Fest, and maybe I can make it to one this time.

12

I’m in Tuscaloosa, attending good ol’ UA, but I’m not a football fan, so those taunts don’t bother me.

Anyway, I’m glad you’ll be back in Bama, and if you can tell me about when you’d be ready to party, I can start scheduling a Bamadope for you. :slight_smile:

13

Hey, you come on home, girl! Sure, lots of things have changed, but in my NSH opinion, mostly for the best. I’ve never lived outside this state, but I’m sure I would miss it to death if I ever did. Now you git yerself down here, away from them turible Yankees! :wink: (Yes, I know Virginia isn’t a “Yankee state”, but if you live here, anywhere above Georgia is considered so!)

If you’re going to be in the Leeds/Birmingham area, drop me an email! And hopefully, some time this summer we can do the BamaDope thing again, as well.

14

Hey ya’ll! I’ll be available for a dope fest anytime after July I’m sure my first month in town will be overloaded. Dad’s having big 4th of July thingy, and my brother has already made all kinds of plans for me in July.

You know what I miss the most about AL?? Do you??

The Sun!!! It’s rained her so much that I’m starting to think the sky is the only one sad to see me go! jK But, I will be the whitest girl ever in the south (at least till that Bama sun gets a hold of me.)

I have to go to my night job now, but I’ll check back when I get home.

Ya’ll are making me remember what that old southern hospitality is like, and I like it! :slight_smile:

15

It must be “down home week”!

Welcome back to 'Bama! Somebody get serious about 'BamaDopefest!

oh, and lurker? It’s Rollin’, Baby! (I’m a Bama fan too… but SOMEBODY had to say it!)