As a young lad I recall lurid stories and jokes about wife-swapping, “key parties” and the like. Tales were told of orgies and sex parties and late night bachannals. And then there are movies like “Eyes Wide Shut” that suggest secret sex societies exist, if you know the right people.
When I got onto the Internet, I discovered the idea (and a few examples) of polyamory–which I understand to be groups of three or more people involved in emotionally committed relationships with each other in various arrangements ("V"s, "W"s, squares, etc.). I also found the occasional swingers website that looked like a fairly organized attempt at what I’d feverishly imagined as a teenager.
However, a while ago there was a documentary on swinging that featured a group of several couples, mostly older than fifty, who all hooked up in California on a regular basis. I was disappointed: out of all the swingers available, what they found was a gang of older Californians living the stories? No warehouse size swap meets? No secret location in the desert where a small city’s worth of doubles got together to freely mingle? Likewise with polyamory, I’ve found some websites of practising polyamorists, but nothing else.
All this has led me to question how common swinging and polyamory actually are. Any subculture is magnified on the Internet because of the ease with which that group can put up a site or a webring, and look representative of a larger, silent community.
How common are these practices? Are there any statistics on how many people actually do these things? Is there really a much larger community that keeps quiet out of fear or peer pressure or avoidance of social stigma? Or are the practitioners of these behaviors unusually outspoken, making them look more common than they actually are? And how hidden are these practices still? Is it a matter of knowing the right people (and the password), or is it just the circles one runs in?
It is both a matter of knowing the right people, and the circles one runs in (in order to meet those people, you have to run in their circle). Single males are almost always excluded from participating in socials (as the events are now known), so if you are a single male and are expecting to just drop in and get laid you’re out of luck.
You would probably be very very suprised by the number and types of people you meet at socials. I know I was.
First, let me point out what should be obvious - swinging and polyamory are two different concepts. There is certainly cross-over, but there are many of one camp that don’t dawdle in the other. Grouping these two together causes me some heartburn.
And while I can’t be sure, I think plnnr’s comments are more related to swinging, and not polyamory. In my experience with polyamory, no requirements for “certain circles” existed, the participants were from “straight” society, but found themselves in unusual circumstances and were open minded enough to not be constrained by the mores of the Judeo-Christian ethic that suggests it is “wrong”.
That said, finding statistics on such arrangements can be quite difficult. IMHO, they are more common, but due to the social stigma attached, they mostly remain underground. Somewhat surprising to me, both groups seem to carry more social stigma than homosexuals.
But, since this is GQ and not IMHO, I can point you to these statistics.
While this quote deals with polyamory, the definition used would seem to encompass “swingers” as well.
If you have any particular interest in polyamory, that particular page includes alot of other interesting information.
It seems most of your follow-up questions relate more to swinging. I sincerely doubt that there are many (or any) polyamorist “secret sex societies”. While polyamory usually includes non-monogamous sex, it is defined more by the emotional side of love - not just sex - the side of love that “swingers” normally attempt to avoid.
I have a few friends that are in triples and quads. They are committed to stay together and only have sex with eachother. It is like a monogomous relationship with extra people to be monogomous with. Of those people, all of them follow some form of pagan religion. GO PAGANS!
From what I have seen of swingers, sport fucking sounds about right. (thanks plnnr).
I know this isn’t exactly related to what you are asking, but in the gay world, the “swinger” thing is fairly common. I don’t know many gay people who are exclusively monogomous. I also know places to go for orgies and or casual sex almost every night of the week. However, I don’t choose to go to those places. I assume swingers have that type of arrangement going on somewhere however, the requirements to get into those places are that you are in a couple (that way everyone can play).
One of my ex-girlfriends got married and had an “open relationship” with a few qualifiers and ground rules (basically, she and her husband had “veto power” over each other’s partners.) They got involved in the swinging scene for a while and she told me quite a bit about it. They got started by placing a personal ad in a regional “alternative” newspaper. They ended up hooking up with some individuals and couples that way and eventually made their way to attending sex parties on a regular basis. They were both young (mid-20’s) and very attractive, too, so they were in high demand at these functions. The marriage only lasted a few months, but apparently that had nothing to do with their swinging activities.
GO PAGANS!