Swordfish! (the movie)

When I started seeing commericals for this new John Travolta movie, I thought it looked beneath the bottom of the barrel. It looked cheesy - HE looked cheesy. UGH!

And when Heineken showed those horrible, annoying ads with Travolta holding one of their bottles while women surround him… Ugh, ugh!

But then the movie came out. And critics haven’t blasted it as much as I thought they would. I figured this was another Battlefield Earth, but I guess I’m mistaken.

Anyone seen this? Is it as bad as I thought, or is just another cookie-cutter action film? Or is it actually good??

According to “Jarbaby’s Law of Stimulation” I am required to see Swordfish solely because there exists the potential for a good backhanded bitchslap and Hugh Jackman being shirtless - two things that always make a movie great.

Plot? what plot?

this same law is also requiring me to go see “The Fast and The Furious” even though it looks like the worst…movie…ever. The thought of Vin Diesel AND Paul Walker in one film is almost too much for my panties to handle.


Ugh, terrible. Even my friend that “that cute guy who was in the X-Men” couldn’t redeem it, and I sure as hell didn’t think that Halle Berry’s breasts couldn’t do it, either.

Don’t waste your time or money.

I haven’t seen it, but everything I’ve seen & heard about it agrees with this. I plan not to see it. I Halle Berry is one of the hottest women alive, but even seeing her topless won’t convince me to see a cheesy John Travolta hacker movie (almost did, but not quite). It sounds really bad.

He should have quit after Pulp Fiction and retired gracefully.

Yeah, and I bet more than 75% of the people who watch the thing don’t know where the title actually comes from…

(Groucho Marx, BTW. The password was “swordfish” in one of his films - forget which one, but I’m sure someone out there knows off the top of his or her head!)

Horsefeathers (1932)

“Groucho Marx” movie?

Harpo and Chico and Zeppo are rolling in their graves…

Sorry, I always consider him to be the driving force of the Brothers Marx. :stuck_out_tongue:

He’s only had that reputation since You Bet Your Life ran on network teevee. Previous to that, Harpo was the one considered the ne plus ultra by the intelligentsia.

– Uke, rubbing his hands with glee at hijacking a thread away from Halle Berry’s chest and into a quartet of vaudeville slapstick comics whose heyday was seventy years ago

I was so disgusted by the aforementioned Heineken ad that I actually refuse to see the movie on principle. That kind of crass cross-promotion (product placement’s not enough anymore?) pisses me off. I hope this doesn’t become a trend, like crappy soundtrack promos have.

I’ve seen it.

This film contains one badass scene I’ll call “the explosion”, a decent car case/shoot out, topless Halle Berry, and some other items that make it IMO worth the ticket price.

As an avid moviegoer I’ve had a lot of disappointments, normally when a movie doesn’t deliver what it sells in the trailer.

In the case of Swordfish I got just about what I expected 1 1/2 hours of exciting / cool special effects to take my mind off of the daily grind.

note to jarbabyj
Yeah, I can’t wait to see The Fast and the Furious. Even
Though I don’t think about him in “that” way Vin Diesel is a big draw. Got a cool voice doesn’t he?

This one just like Swordfish doesn’t look like an Oscar type film just flat out fun, excitement, and for some panty issues.

well this is kinda a hijack but I saw the fast and the furious at this preview at UCLA (yes I feel special) and I don’t want to give much away but the car scenes were bad ass, but if you wanna know the plot

go watch point break, same movie excpet with cars instead of surfboards
but if you like driving fast SEE THIS MOVIE it rocked on that front

Any Vin Diesel sex?

And for those who saw Swordfish…not even Hugh Jackman is worth it? And most importantly, is there a backhanded bitchslap, my favorite of movie conventions? And if we can hijack this thread further, does anyone have suggestions of movies with good backhanded bitchslaps akin to Julia Roberts getting it good at the end of Pretty Woman?


Here’s a very funny review about it:


Um… there is a scene with Vin and his girl friend but if I remember correctly she just kinda stradles him and takes off her shirt then it cuts away kinda implying sex. But Vin was at UCLA for a little Q & A session after the movie. Now I’m a guy so that wasn’t as exciting for me as it would be for you, but I still think he’s pretty cool.

I won’t see it only for the reason that John Revolting is in it. Ick. That man is nauseating.

I hesitate to watch it simply because of one galring quote from the movie. To paraphrase, Travolta tell Jackman that the best hackers on the planet need 60 minutes to crack the Super Website MgGuffin, and yet Jackman is supposed to crack it in 60 SECONDS. WTF? That’s the kind of bullshit concept I’d expect from a Bruckheimer film.

Maybe I’ll see it at the cheap theater in town. No way I’m paying more than $3.50 to see it.

Spoiler space warning.

Yeah, but a man can believe he can do anything when getting a blowjob. :rolleyes:

Yeah, this kind of streached my believability threashold to teh max, as a computer guy, I found most of the “hacking” the guy did to be totally unbelivable. But the rest of the movie was enjoyable enough that I could semi-ignore that aspect. I give it 1.5 thumbs up…ok story line, good FX…boobies…that’s worth the price of admission to me.

I thought Swordfish was utter shit. Slick and well-polished, but a shiny turd is still a turd. My review will be up on my website shortly; been too busy with SIFF writeups to do the mainstream movies.