Paul Simon: There Goes Rhymin’ Simon
Across Traci Lords Not of This Earth
Ralph Nader: Un-alive At Any Speed
Abe Vigoda is really dead.
God rules no more recounts for Al Gore.
Is Bill Clinton really dead? Define “is”.
George W. Bush-whacked
Paris Hilton dies… Hallelujah!
Charlton Heston’s hand cold, dead
(mark my words, this will be in the Onion)
The bell tolls for thee, Chuck Barris
RIP Jennifer Lynn Lopez Ojoa Judd Anthony Combs Affleck Timberlake Combs Pitt Lee Combs Federline Combs
Dick Clark’s Ball Descends
Time, History of Stephen Hawking Brief
Aaron Spelling Finally Cancelled
Dan Quayle Ded
Scotty beams up [insert name of next Star Trek actor to die here]
Joan Fontaine dies. Olivia de Havilland wins feud (or vice versa)
Harrison Ford: Han Shot First
Paul McCartney: Now it’s up to Ringo
**Pauly Shore is Dead. Really.
Not-Being John Malkovich**
…
This time, Paul Really is Dead
Paul Newman in Cold Hands Luke.
Charlton Heston: Enters Food Chain.
- I’m so going to hell for this…
**Burt Reynolds cast into The Longest Two Yards
Cokie Roberts goes flat
Jerry Seinfeld unable to do “stand up”**
Judy Garland Not in Kansas Anymore
Generalissimo Francisco Franco says Chevy Chase is Now Dead
Gerald Ford Stumbles for Last Time
Reports of Kurt Vionnegut’s Death not Exaggerated
**Jimmy “Good Times” Walker is dyin’tonite!
Silent: The singer formerly alive as “Prince”
Suzanne Pleshette’s voice to drop six more feet**
John Edward Finally Able to Communicate with the Dead
Paris Hilton Actually Accomplishes Something
Regis Philben Gives Final Answer
Maureen McCormick: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Is Dead, Dead, Dead
Shelley Long Gone
Catherine Bach Pushing Up Daisy
Survey Says Richard Dawson Dead
**Zagged: Zig Ziglar
Ben Stein? Ben Stein? Ben Stein?
Ken Lay’d to rest
Dan is Rather dead**