Take your hurtful comments and get out of our lives!!!!!

The BBQ Pit
#1

It is with heavy heart I write this. Any of you who know me know that I have never started a pit thread and do not frequent this forum.

Now, however I have been pushed to my limit.
Y’know I LOVE this community. It’s been a wonderful place for me in so many ways. I’ve learnt, laughed, cried and made some wonderful friends. I’ve even fallen in love with a wonderful girl here.

But as with everything there’re problems when you put human beings into an equation. I occasionally find it disappointing that some people here indulge in character assasination or vent in a way that only truly displays insensitivity to other’s feelings.

There are times when this wonderful board displays an intolerance that is directly opposed to what I thought it stood for.
Tonight a wonderful girl cried herself to sleep because some people took it upon themselves to pass judgement on her. People who, with only a cursory and superficial understanding of what was going on, immediately started bandying around some truly dreadul names. People she thought were her friends.

Your immature schoolyard antics, so thoughtlessly aired have deeply hurt another human being. And why? What did you get out of it? Jollies? Any satisfaction? If so, then I pity your standard of life that you need to put down another to make yourself feel good.

The phone calls alluding to things, the anonymous email (proving very difficult to trace), some of the general comments… you know what? No matter how well-intentioned, they’re not helping: only pouring gasoline on the fire. If you have something to say, then say it. Not partially but with all of the facts. And don’t hide - say it to my face. At least that way I’ll respect you and your right to your opinion.

For I don’t respect you at the moment. I think anyone who would behave this way is gutless.

I can turn to my TRUE friends and they accept my news, offer observations - not necessarily in agreeance - and provide discussion. They don’t go around behind my back calling me or mine names.

I guess I don’t have as many friends here as I thought.
I’m not going to stoop to your infantile name-calling level: your actions denounce you louder than my words.

And you’re not worth it anyway.

#2

Um… whats going on man?

#3

I am often unpleasantly surprised at how truly awful people can be sometimes.

(((dpr and wonderful girl)))

Much Love to the both of you,

Cheri

#4

Yes you do! I hate it when people take it upon themselves to tell people how to live their lives. I’m betting the majority here are cheering for the two of you and I know it’s hard to do, but don’t let them get to you. That’s what they want you know, planting a seed of doubt in your mind so that you’re not happier than they are. Don’t let them win.

And to the bastards: Fuck you.

#5

And this surprises you how? I’ve learned that there are quite a few people here who aren’t after enlightenment, just validation of their point of view.

I understand how you feel tho. I hope everything gets better for ya’ll.

#6

I have no clue what’s going on…but I wish you strength and grace to deal with it. You’re a classy, wonderful guy and your wonderful girl isn’t far behind. Whatever is going on, I’m sure you’re better than.

Big monster hugs

#7

Guys? I have no idea what’s going on, or what you’re talking about. I, however, will stand up and apologize for the cowardly, jealous, venal asshole(s) who decided to try and rain on your parade, since it’s unlikely that they’re going to have the balls to do it themselves.

I thought about emailing the two of you, but I figured your privacy’s been invaded enough over the course of however long this went on. So, despite my ignorance of the situation, again let me offer not only an apology by proxy, but my support. There’s so little love and happiness in the world that we should try and help build upon it, not be envious shitlickers trying to spread the misery.

#8

Man,
You probably know how I feel about some of the people and happenings" on the boards, but I say this and feel a bit better about it:
This is a message board man, not a damn whole lot more than that.
Do not get too carried away with it. You know your values and principles are your values and principles. YOu live by them, and several armies of assholes can holler as much as they want to, you can just smile at them, and flip them off.

No point i ngetting touched by it.

As for the open hearted, sincerely helpful comments that may not see aya to eye with your views, they won’t hurt, will they?

You can just ignore the bastards, and live with whats good here,

I think we have enough of both!

[sub]guess this is the $0.02 of the day for me[/sub]

#9

Anyone who would send you harrassing emails or try to pick your relationship apart is a pathetic vulture. And I mean anyone. Get a life, people. Really.

#10

Illegitimi Non Carborundum, dude.

[insert thumbs-up emoticon]

#11

Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re “dispensing wisdom” :rolleyes: and there are some people who just can’t stand to see people happy and then we have the ones that are just fucking childish as demonstrated by anonymous email. To your face? Hon, I seriously doubt that. Anyone that resorts to unsigned email is too cowardly to say whatever to you or your girl.

Don’t let them get to you or detract from what you two have found. Fuck 'em.

#12

I usually avoid “me too” posts. But the majority of this board are caring people. There are, as one might expect in any community of over 13,000 people, a few jerks in the mix. It would seem that you had a run-in with them. Don’t let it throw you – ignore them. It takes two people to make a hurt or an insult – refuse to be hurt or insulted. And let their bile bounce back onto them.

And I must take exception to the brilliant research skills of the estimable Duck Duck Goose (one of only two posters to comment on my only "Comments on Cecil’s Columns thread this millennium, I might add). In this thread I noted that the saying, while making reference to Carborundum (which makes it self-translating), is based on the gerundive of the real, if rare, Latin verb carborare, “to wear away, to erode” (erode itself being based on another verb meaning “to eat, to eat away, to gnaw”). It’s a strained usage, but Caesar would have understood it to mean just what we do – albeit he would have considered it in the same category with Tota castra tua sunt nostra.

#13

{{{dpr}}}

You’ve got my support, for what it’s worth. And hugs. Lots of hugs, always.

::glares at the bastards::

#14

I generally stay far away from the threads in which people are attacking each other personally, dpr, but since the cowardly fuckheads who are bothering you two clearly aren’t showing up here, this doesn’t count as one of those threads.

I don’t know either of you very well but reading this just makes me crazy. I’ve had my own real life run-ins with people who can’t stand to see anyone else happy, or who pick apart any relationship that isn’t theirs. All I can say is, remind yourselves how unhappy these people must be with themselves to go after you.

Faintly possible exceptions could be made for people who have genuinely good intentions (at least that’s what I’ve tried to tell myself when I’ve been the target of stuff like this), but frankly anonymous e-mails don’t really scream “good intentions” to me. You’re right-- if they can’t get past they idea that it’s none of their business, they should approach you directly. And then shut up when you tell them to.

#15

OK, can somebody post a link to the thread that supposedly started all this? We might wanna take a look at it.

Hope you and your friend are doing OK, dpr. Sometimes it’s good to remember this is just a message board, though.

#16

It has been brought to my attention that the hurtful comments all took place off the boards. Never mind.

#17

DPR –

First, allow me to congratulate you on your budding romance. It’s a wonderful thing, and I wish you and NYM nothing but the best. I say this because I don’t want you to think the rest of my comments are prompted by any sort of small-minded maliciousness. They aren’t; I truly hope you’ll be very happy. But you say:

Correct me if I’m wrong, but we are talking about one or two individuals who have been cowardly enough – and mean-spirited enough – to try to burst your bubble (and NYM’s) through telephone calls and anonymous e-mails. With respect, I don’t think you can attribute that “intolerance” to the Board. The Board has so far presented you with many happy wishes, as evinced by the MPSIMS thread which so far has over 30 responses – every one of which is positive. What you are dealing with off the Board is, not to mince words, a few assholes, and their actions are not “intolerance,” they are simply the vicious little actions of, well, assholes.

With all due respect to NYM, I suggest she reevaluate the criteria she uses in choosing her friends. They should not include people who would be so small as to “pass judgment” on your happiness, much less “bandy about dreadful names” – people who are too stupid to know that even if they have reservations in their heart of hearts, they should keep them to themselves unless specifically asked.

People who send anonymous e-mails, who “allude” to things but refuse to explain right-out what they are talking to, and who talk to others instead of you two – those people are not worth your respect or your time, much less the expending of energy in being hurt by their pettiness. Rejoice and be happy, and know that most people on the Board sincerely wish you well. As for the few that don’t – fuck 'em. Be happy anyway; it will be the best revenge.

#18

It looks like we’ve exported on of our uglier Australian habits dpr, that of tearing down anyone who’s happy or successful.

You know this is just petty, cowardly crap. If you let it get to you, whoever is behind it achieves their objective of disturbing your happiness.

As someone said earlier, the best revenge is living well.

BTW - you have mail

#19

My first instinct is to point out that the people who are genuinely bitter about this whole thing, to the point of dropping anonymous e-mails and making prank calls, are jealous and pissed and maybe feeling excluded. No, really. Why else would they bother? As long as the two of you are happy (and I sincerely hope you are), everything else falls away and is meaningless.

#20

Coldy, you disappoint me. Sure, this is just a message board but the people here are real, the relationships are real, the feelings are very real.

People who like to come in and declare this to be just a message board are, whether they realize it or not, attempting to cheapen the feelings and emotions that go along with the friendships that have developed here.

I know you meant nothing harmful by saying that but it bothers me when people dismiss things as being “just a ______”. For that matter, it’s just a relationship, it’s just a friendship and it’s just their lives. It’s all related here. This place has lots of memories for lots of people. But what the hell, they’re just memories.

dpr, I am so sorry that a few spineless, meddling individuals have caused pain and trouble for you and your loved one. Some people think they are so important that their opinion is needed in all situations. Sadly, even though these people are mistaken, it usually doesn’t stop them. The only problem is that these people are never confident enough to declare their opinion publicly–they resort to e-mailing and calling in secret. If these were individuals whose opinions would matter to you, they would present themselves to you rather than hiding. Ignore them.