Taking shoes off etiquette

[Leah_M]

My apartment is shoes-off. I don’t really remember having to take my shoes off all the time when I was growing up… but we also spent MOST of our time outside back then… And everyone I knew owned their houses instead of renting.

I live in Vermont now, and the mess outside in the wintertime is astronomical. Salty, grimy, sandy, oily, muddy runoff snow and slush. If I left my shoes on in the house, I’d spend hours on my knees scrubbing the stains out of the rugs. The parking garage is particularly bad, and I basically drive from parking garage to parking garage between work and home, which is where everyone deposits the nasty snow that’s been stuck to their cars, so it’s full of stuff I don’t want touching my carpets.

If I owned the place outright I might not mind as much, but I’m highly concerned with the carpeting getting stained since I rent. If I had dark carpet it wouldn’t be as big an issue either, but they have off-white carpeting in the place, and I’d like my deposit back if I ever leave.

In the summer, it’s not a big deal, since maybe a little dust gets tracked in and I don’t demand people remove their shoes. I just don’t want oily, salty, sandy mud tracked in in the wintertime. Even if I put out a mat, the mat doesn’t get everything. The worst thing is trying to clean up oily road runoff from a nearly white carpet.

However, I also let people know when they enter that I’d prefer they take their shoes off.

[NinetyWt]

@markdash

I find the shock (especially from the shoes-on crowd) to be amusing.

Culture shock is amusing to you? Because that’s all it is, really. Should I be amused that **Cat Whisperer **thought that TV families were the only ones who wore their shoes inside?

[Acsenray]

@tumbleddown

Taking any property that doesn’t belong to you – like a guest’s shoes – and placing it somewhere out of sight and where all manner of damage or theft could occur isn’t on.

Wow. Rolleyes city. People move guests’ coats (to closets or spare bedrooms) all the time without notifying them in advance. They could always be rummaged by some dishonest fellow-partier.

And shoes? People don’t steal shoes off of other people’s front porches. If it gets stolen, then you have a beef; otherwise, just deal. And “all manner of damage” doesn’t occur to shoes in apartment building corridors.

I’m reminded of Carrie Bradshaw wearing Manolo Blahniks or some such to a child’s birthday party and whining about having to take them off. (I cheered when they got stolen!)

[Malthus]

I wonder if anyone has ever done a “shoes on, shoes off” map.

[Anaamika]

Asian, shoes off. Tho I am pretty flexible if guests want to leave their shoes on, but not in the wintertime. Snow may be just snow some places (really?) but here it is mixed with so much mud and dirt and grit I’d rather not have that all over my carpet, thank you.

And it’s pretty dumb to say “just don’t build like that in your area”. I mean, really really dumb. How many of us actually get to design our houses from scratch? We buy what’s available, or in my case, rent. Whatever’s on the floor is staying there.

Honestly, I don’t get people’s rage on this. It’s a difference in culture, is all.

[enipla]

@Anaamika

Asian, shoes off. Tho I am pretty flexible if guests want to leave their shoes on, but not in the wintertime. Snow may be just snow some places (really?)…

Yep. Really. Ive got about 20 feet or so of snow at my house so far this year, and it’s not at all begining to melt. It’s just a white frozen packed surface. You could take snow out of my driveway and eat it no problem.

Today I just wore running shoes. There is no gick or glop to it all.

Now, in a few months when it starts to melt, things will be a little different. If I take my dogs for a walk and my boots get muddy, I’ll try to find a convienent snowbank to stomp in and clean them off. And I may take them off when I go inside. Otherwise, my shoes/boots really don’t get dirty.

[Moonlitherial]

@enipla

Yep. Really. Ive got about 20 feet or so of snow at my house so far this year, and it’s not at all begining to melt. It’s just a white frozen packed surface. You could take snow out of my driveway and eat it no problem.

Today I just wore running shoes. There is no gick or glop to it all.

Now, in a few months when it starts to melt, things will be a little different. If I take my dogs for a walk and my boots get muddy, I’ll try to find a convienent snowbank to stomp in and clean them off. And I may take them off when I go inside. Otherwise, my shoes/boots really don’t get dirty.

I am jealous. I carry a package of leather wipes because even with waterproofing my leather boots get salt stained just by walking along city streets and in parking lots.

Even if my floors were all ceramic and impervious to damage I wouldn’t want to be washing the salt stains off them multiple times a day so add me to the winter shoes off crowd. I generally am barefoot for most of the summer so I don’t care if people wear shoes around then.

[Eyebrows_0f_Doom]

@spark240

It’s not just about the dog shit. (Though I guarantee you’re walking on plenty of things as nasty that you don’t notice.)

Meh. I guess you mean germs and stuff like that that you can’t see because there’s nothing physical stuck to the bottom of my shoes. There’s no mud or dirt or whatever that I walk through, everything is paved. I’m not going to obsess over invisible germs like those who are afraid to touch anything in bathrooms.

[kapri]

@Thudlow_Boink

How is putting your feet into slippers that other feet have been in different from walking on a floor that other feet have been walking on?

I understand what you’re saying, but it really is different for me. Slippers are enclosed around the entire foot, while obviously the floor isn’t. When I put on shoes someone else has worn, including at a shoe store, I get skeeved out–my skin crawls and I can’t wait to take the shoes off. When I’m walking on a floor or the beach barefoot, my skin doesn’t crawl. Slippers involve sweating, toes, and so on. Floors involve the sole of the foot, which is usually harder, doesn’t sweat so much, and is sort of impervious to germs. In my head, anyway.

[markdash]

@NinetyWt

Culture shock is amusing to you? Because that’s all it is, really. Should I be amused that **Cat Whisperer **thought that TV families were the only ones who wore their shoes inside?

Culture shock is one thing, but I find it amazing that someone would a) have never heard of a shoes-off policy, and b) be disgusted by the thought of someone’s socked feet in their house.

[kapri]

@Meyer6

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life been in a shoes-on home (or if I was I didn’t realize it). I actually had literally no idea that such a thing existed until I read about it on the SDMB. I guess this is a result of growing up in Canada, although I have relatives in Britain and they are shoes-off as well.

I have relatives in the UK as well, and they are shoes-on, totally.

What about at a formal party, or a gathering in someone’s home after a funeral? Do those guests have to remove their shoes, too?

[kenobi_65]

Well, I’ve learned a few things in this thread:

1. Removing your shoes in the house is a cultural norm in Canada (I never knew this)

2. Some people are just really squicky about their feet and their shoes

[Acsenray]

None of the formal occasions I have been to were held at someone’s residence. I wouldn’t expect a post-funeral gathering to be any different shoe-wise than any other occasion.

[Spectralist]

@NinetyWt

Culture shock is amusing to you? Because that’s all it is, really. Should I be amused that **Cat Whisperer **thought that TV families were the only ones who wore their shoes inside?

Why not? I thought the same thing and found it amusing when I learned that it wasn’t the case. And still find it amusing when I think about it.

@kapri

What about at a formal party, or a gathering in someone’s home after a funeral? Do those guests have to remove their shoes, too?

I’ve not been to many of either. But those that I recall were shoes off. Though I suppose it’s possible some people kept their shoes on. I doubt anyone would really care if someone really wanted to keep their shoes on and I wouldn’t have noticed.

[Dogzilla]

@Nzinga_Seated

<snip> Only in my head though, while graciously taking off my beloved 4 inch platform Steve Madden burgandy wine patent leather shoes.
<snip>

Mmmmmmm… I lurve me some Steve Maddens. Yes I do.

[Dogzilla]

@Nzinga_Seated

Well, since ya’ll are twisting my arm.

Here ya go.

Those were the only pair left. When you are a size 10, you thank your lucky stars to find the shoes you like.

Nice!

[Dogzilla]

Aside from my Steve Madden fetish (which, apparently, I share) I have to say, I don’t think this has anything to do with cultural norms or regional expectations or anything like that.

Pure and simple, this boils down to communication.

Everyone here has posted about what they’ve come to expect, what’s customary where they live/within their culture, and what they expect in their own homes. But nobody is talking about how they communicate that to first-time visitors.

Is it rude to expect visitors to take their shoes off? I don’t necessarily think so.
Is it rude to move someone’s shoes? I think so, if you don’t tell them about it.

I do think it’s rude to expect people to read your mind and know if you are a shoes-on or a shoes-off person. It’s even more rude to get your knickers in a twist about it when someone fails to read your mind.

If the hostess in the OP had moved the shoes and then walked up to the OP and said, “Oh, I moved your shoes to be with all the other guests’ shoes. They are over there.” Then I don’t think the OP would have a thread here. What I think the real problem is: the expectations weren’t clearly communicated, so when the OP went to look for his shoes, they weren’t where he left them. This seems awkward at best and rude of the hosts to A) not inform guests of the shoe policy in the home; B) not inform guests where shoes were to be placed and C) not inform the OP that his shoes had been relocated.

I don’t really give a shit if Canadians wear shoes. But I am allergic to unwritten rules and understood expectations. If I walk into your house in Canada, absent other instructions, I am going to march right in there muddy boots and all. If you don’t want me tracking mud in your house, then tell me where you want me to take off my boots and leave them. And then if you’d provide a nice, soft, fluffy pair of slippers for me, I’d appreciate that. My feet get cold. Which is why I wear shoes up north.

When you march into my house in Florida, I do not care if you wear shoes or not. I will warn you, however, that my cat has a leather fetish and if you take them off in my house, you will find a cat rubbing his furry head in your shoes within seconds. If that is a problem for you, better leave your shoes on. Otherwise, I will show you where to put your shoes, if in fact you choose to remove them and if I give a damn where you put them. Typically, I wouldn’t be so rude a hostess as to notice or remark on it one way or the other. Unless I know you have an allergy to cats, in which case I will try to spare you from exposing your shoes to my cat’s cooties. (ETA: I usually remember to ask people who have never been in my house before, “Are you allergic to cats or dogs?” and then will host you accordingly by putting any allergen-triggering critters in another room for the duration of your visit.)

And yes, there is an enormous pile of flip flops just inside my front door.

[Malthus]

@Dogzilla

I don’t really give a shit if Canadians wear shoes. But I am allergic to unwritten rules and understood expectations. If I walk into your house in Canada, absent other instructions, I am going to march right in there muddy boots and all. If you don’t want me tracking mud in your house, then tell me where you want me to take off my boots and leave them. And then if you’d provide a nice, soft, fluffy pair of slippers for me, I’d appreciate that. My feet get cold. Which is why I wear shoes up north.

I can only say that this has never, in my experience, posed even the slightest bit of problem, or created the least social awkwardness. I suppose because it is usually immediately obvious if you are “supposed” to take your boots off - mainly, because the hosts usually are not wearing theirs (which are, generally, lined up on a mat near the door) and because, well, it is pretty near universal to take your boots off in winter up here.

It’s a non-issue. There is no need to “communicate” it, because there are, generally speaking, none who don’t already know it; and if they are, perhaps visitors from a warmer clime, mere observation would soon clue them in, since everywhere they went people would be doing it. It is not some mysterious unwritten rule, impenetrable to outsiders.

[Dogzilla]

You’d be surprised at how non-observant people can be. I think, “Oh, you can leave your shoes/boots right over there” would be sufficiently polite. Assuming it’s a non-issue that does not require communication is why this thread exists.

[YogSothoth]

You’re lucky she’s not Korean. In my experience, they are fanatical about the shoes-off policy