Does anybody here have a different name from their kids? I’ve always figured I’ll keep my own name (not that it’s likely to come up any time soon), but if I have kids I worry about what name they’d take and how they’d feel about having a different name from at least one of their parents.
My name hasn’t hyphenated well with anybody I’ve dated, and I really don’t see what it would go with - only 2 syllables and 7 letters, but that adds up really fast. Astute third-grade-ish trial and error with various men has also taught me that I will -never- take a man’s name that starts with a vowel, as then I have this ugly glottal stop in the middle of my name and that is just unacceptable.
I didn’t take my husband’s last name. I was 37 when we got married and had been practicing law for 10 years under my name, and really didn’t want to change it. I might have wanted to if we were going to have kids, but that’s not on the agenda.
My parents didn't care (I have two sisters who didn't change their names after they married), but my in-laws were horrified, especially my MIL. She said that it seems to be a "fad" with "girls" my age (hello, I was 37 when we got married...), and I think she thought I'd get over it.
I was glad to take my Hubby’s last name as it sounds great with my first name and I’d never cared for mine at all - waaay too long, always misspelled, often mispronounced, and very Irish. The ethnic part would’ve been cool if our family carried any of the identity & it therefore signified something, but since we didn’t the name’s connotation was rather misleading. Shoot, I don’t even drink;). But if I had wanted to keep my name it would’ve resulted in a battle - Hubby feels strongly about the issue.
My sister did keep our last name - it sounds better with her first name. She may have also had some reservations about taking her husband’s family’s name - they’re unusually dysfunctional idiots. M’kay, for instance? (worthwhile hijack, bear with me) When her husband’s younger sister decided to earn a living as a stripper, the whole family came to a “performance” to show their support. Would you want to be associated with these people?
My mother took an entirely new last name when my parents were divorced.
My Irish wife with a Scottish surname did not take my English surname. I’ve never been annoyed about this, though I would have been very honoured had she done so, but it’s her choice.
I did get her back though when I put her on my credit card - she now has to sign her name double-barrelled with mine whenever she wants to spend my money.
Yeah, I gotta say that that sounds loads better than acting all ashamed of her or disowning her, or pretending that’s not what she does for a living. Sure, stripping’s not a career most parents dream of for their little girls, but if she’s happy and healthy and that’s what she wants, you might as well try to be happy for her.
I was boring and traditional. I took my husband’s last name (four letters, German, never pronounced correctly the first time). It was never a question for me, really. Oh, and I’m 24.
A correction: I was never actively in favor of CCL changing her name. If I did feel that way, it was brief and fleeting; I can only remember ranging between complete indifference to being actively against the idea, which is where I ultimately ended up and remain to this day. I don’t know why she keeps saying that I wanted her to.
I do remember saying that I might feel differently if we had kids, but probably not, and since we’ve known that we didn’t want kids long before the discussion ever came up, it was theoretical anyway.
Even though I’m known my by maiden name professionally and a number of friends address me by my last name rather than first, I’m still gonna switch to my fiance’s last name. I have no sentimental attachment to my name, it’s rather boring, and my SO’s last name is just darn cool and royal! (Three syllables and Italian).
I went from Myname Middlename Lastname to Myname Lastname Hisname. I wanted us to have the same last names as each other, and I always found my old middlename boring so that was the obvious one to ditch.
Also…
IMO, the origins of the practise are more due to the custom of women moving in with their husband’s family. I find the “it’s because women were regarded as property” argument to be rather facile (in the many MANY places where it pops up, not just discussions of names).
I think there have been a number of times and places where women have really been considered property (Ancient Rome, where husbands were legally allowed to have their wife or children killed, if they liked, springs to mind … interestingly enough, I don’t think women adpoted bits of their husbands name on marriage there, though). But I doubt that Europe in the middle ages fits that category. You could probably make a decent case that women were regarded as children
There are also a number of places where women have never traditionally changed their names on marriage (Korea certainly, some other SE Asian countries … I think Japan too?) I doubt whether it really meant that women had higher status there though.
It seems calmkiwi and I have something in common. I’m about to marry a Kiwi and his last name is Smith! So I’m going from a “how do you spell that” last name, to Smith.
There was never a question that I wouldn’t change my name to his. We’re joining two families together and becoming one new family with him as the head of the household, so I’m happy to take his name. And I’m thankful that I won’t have to spell my name out to people anymore!
I kept my name when I got married. I just plain like my name, and I was working on a PhD at the time too. I really wanted that piece of paper to have MY name on it, not my husband’s name. It also helps that both our last names start with the same letter, so we don’t have to argue about monograms.
DH was and has been pretty good about it, and if he had any objections at all, he had the good sense to keep them to himself. The one person who really had any problems with it was my paternal grandfather, who felt that I was doing something very immoral, even though it was essentially HIS name I was keeping.
We’ve been married for 16 years now, and have two kids. Both of the kids have my name as their second middle name, and DH’s name as their last name. We wanted to make sure to get my name on their birth certificates in case either of them choose to use it in some way when they grow up, but for the most part, we don’t include it on any forms we fill out for them.
The most confusion comes from teachers, or people who know my kids before they meet me. There is ONE secretary at the elementary school who knows what my real name is. Everyone else there (teacher and staff alike) calls me by my kids’ last names. It doesn’t bother me at all, since that is the cultural norm for this country after all. But I always have to introduce myself as “Kim Smith, Michael White’s mother.”
The one really big advantage is that our phone number is listed under DH’s name, but not mine. That means that my college students can’t find me in the phone book, but I don’t have to pay for an unlisted number.
Pepper Mill (not her real name) decided to kep her maiden name. She told me just yesterday that she did go through that phase where she wrote her first name down with my last name over and over (Long before I knew we’d be an item, I must point out. Women seem to know these things earlier han guys.) and decided that it sounded – well – dumb. I have to admit that her first name and my name sound awfully similar, and the result of putting them together is not euphonious. So she’s kept her maiden name (her “professional” name, she insists), despite the fact that everyone misspells it. But I can’t blame her.
