Has anyone else actually gone to one of her destination birthday parties? I could understand if it was just a few of her friends and her going somewhere interesting for vacation with everyone paying their own way including her. They could pretend that it had something to do with her birthday.
That sounds like the start of a lame joke, but I’m interested in hearing why the answer is greater than “one”, as I presume it is in the case of Napier’s acquaintance.
I’m amazed by the idea of a muli-day birthday celebration. I once went to the 30th birthday party of a guy born with muscular dystrophy, whose original prognosis was that his life expectancy was about 12 years.
A lot of the party was toasting the medical advances that made this birthday possible. The mayor was there, a few local clergy, and some of the guy’s doctors. The guy’s sibs had come into town, but I don’t think any had traveled too far.
It was probably the biggest birthday party I’ve been to, with #2 being the 80th that my mother threw for my grandmother. We had some family travel in a way, but it kind of functioned as a family reunion, and we didn’t have those often.
I’ve never even known anyone who had a true destination wedding. A cousin had one in Greece, butr her mother was from Greece, and half her family lived there. This was back when the Greek economy was in the toilet, and my cousin had to choose between asking Greek family and friends to travel to the US, or American family and friends to travel to Greece. It was a small wedding, and everyone was treated very well.
Some ladies at a partner compamy to mine, once hired a stripper for their (female) colleague’s farewell. Obviously this is the advertising world, where cocaine and alcohol abuse is rampant. This may have led to poor choices.
All of the partner companies (about 7, with 3 to 16 employees each were invited) arrived at the corporate bar.
It was awful.
Eventually the stripper left in tears, the poor woman made a good effort, I suppose, but entertaining the entertainment industry must be pretty hard. I felt really sorry for her, she got a hostile audience.
Also pushing dildos out several meters distant from your vulva must be pretty hard, but is this really appropriate for a corporate event?
My boss at the time, having been made aware of the event beforehand told me, “I hope she doesnt have pimples on her arse.”
Of course, she did.
It must be incrediby humiliating to do this, but even worse when your cynical ad agency audience is cynically judging you.
I hope she has moved onto another career.
My friends group has been enjoying a run of destination birthday trips as folks turn 40. They’ve all been great!
Here are some elements that have made for a healthy vibe rather than a cringeworthy experience:
- The birthday is mostly treated as an excuse for a group trip. The extended weekend is not a 3-4 day fête of the honoree.
- We’re scattered throughout the country. The trip is seen as a chance to converge, and we might as well make that place a “destination.”
- Folks aren’t pressured to attend. Do the plans not fit your schedule or budget? No worries! Your friends won’t twist your arm.
- We don’t bring presents. Your presence is your present!
- The honoree pays his/her own way.
Basically, A) remove narcissism, and B) make sure that the event isn’t merely “the same party I would have had in my hometown but out-of-town,” and you’ve got a healthy dynamic.
so is my brother he hates it …as it was always sort of passed over as a kid even if you had the party it was always " well here’s something cheap and or tacky because you get the good stuff later to the point that he tries not even remember it but after an incident when he was a toddler and I was slightly older in which I tried to trade him for a puppy …i declared it family puppy day when we were teens and now I always wish him happy puppy day
And the way that you describe these destination birthday trips exactly fits my description in post 121 of the way such a trip would be acceptable.
Wow! Well, thank you!
Yes, but only family. I think she sees herself as beloved matriarch, her flock gathered 'round her. But I see her as trying to make the kids and grandkids feel guilty if they don’t go, so they go, but grudgingly. She pushes and pushes until they break down and she gets her way, more or less. Then when people arrive late and leave early, or send a txt canceling, she’s bitter and angry.
Sometimes I hear my younger friends complain about their still-living mothers, how they go to extremes to boss family members into paying attention and fawning over them, and I think, yep. I see that from the other side. This is my spouse we’re talking about here. I do try to put on the brakes, but she’s working on me too, and I have to live with her, so I only do so much. Only very rarely have I lost my temper, which is a big deal.
When I’ve been there as she’s been prepped for surgery or had a blood draw (and she pretty much always wants me to be there), she’s been upset, accusatory, and sometimes a little loud. She says it’s very painful, feels wrong, and she makes the biggest fuss I’ve ever seen anybody more than 10 years old make. Soon she’ll have several staff around her trying to calm her down. But they’re always gracious and AFAIK doing a perfectly good job sticking her.
One time she was attacked by what our vet later told us was a rabid cat, and when we found out it was rabid I took her to the hospital and pushed her to get the shot series. This was a nasty uphill battle but I stuck with it until she got the shots (good thing, too, because the wounds had made a good start healing over but as soon as she got the shots they blistered up, indicating she had rabies virus in her. Days later I told the vet the story, thinking they really should hear they’d been essential in apparently saving her from a rabies death. They said, “Wow, she doesn’t seem like the sort you could get to do something they didn’t want to do!”
She has told me she thinks she might become combative in a medical setting, if she’s a bit out of it. This hasn’t happened yet, but I’m always on the lookout. When I take our cats to the vet, I tell them “You be good, and don’t wind up on the Bite List!” Maybe I should start telling her the same thing.
Hmm, you know what, I’d completely forgotten, my grandmother had a destination 80th birthday party. It was just family. She rented a bunch of rooms at a fancy resort, and summoned all her descendants and their spice to attend. The centerpiece of the event was a series of family portraits done by a professional photographer. Most of the time we were free to enjoy the resort. I vaguely remember riding a (very quiet, gentle) horse with my infant daughter. We probably sang “happy birthday” and had cake one night, but the only real birthday event was the photo. She paid for everything. The only gifts were some trinkets the resort gave us all.
Not my favorite weekend of all time, but it was fine, and it meant a lot to her and to my mom.
The closest we’ve had to a destination birthday was my father’s 70th. The thing was, the destination was a resort in Scottsdale and the bulk of the family – except me – lived there. His birthday was in August and the resorts are insanely cheap then. I think they hope to make it up in F&B.