Thanks "Team"

Thanks “Team”

Every member of my office team gets a card and a cake or some savoury nibbles on their birthday. We usually take a little time-out from work in the afternoons to say “Happy Birthday” whilst people wander over from other departments to chat and nibble for a while. It’s nothing major, just a nice little tradition to let people feel valued and that they’re part of the team. The only problem is that I’ve been working in this office for four years now, and not once has anyone ever done anything like this for me.

In fact I’ll bet you any amount of money you like that they’ll forget my birthday is this weekend - the same way they’ve forgotten every year. There’ll be no fucking card or cake for me at all, even though everyone else on the “team” gets theirs on their birthday. I know it’s a pathetic thing to get upset about, but not once during that whole time have I even had so much as a fucking card or an email. I honestly don’t think any of them even give a toss.

I have no idea why this is still bothering me so much now. It’s not like this has been unexpected and perhaps I should have made a proper stink about it the first time, but I’m not going to bring it up because that would frankly make me seem petty and small, so instead I’m going to rant, bitch and moan about it here because I’m in a bad mood.

So thanks “Team”. Thanks for making me feel like a funtional appendage rather than one of the gang. Thanks for not inviting me join you for lunch when you saunter out to the cafe across the road. Thanks for not taking the time or effort to actually make me feel included. I’m just going to enjoy my birthday with family this weekend and be thoroughly spoiled and treated to all the little things I like.

Maybe I just need to grow a thicker skin and realise that just because I make a constant effort to be friendly, helpful and approachable at work, it doesn’t mean that anyone is actually going to give a fuck. Perhaps now I can just stop deluding myself. So thanks guys - you’ve all taught me an important lesson and now you can all just fuck off and fucking fuck yourselves, you heartless fuckers.

While it is a shame that they are inconsiderate jerks for forgetting your birthday, I would probably find it more helpful to mention that you have a birthday coming up to a supervisor and dealing with the problem straight up.

Unless they all actually do remember, they just don’t like you. In that case, they can just fuck off.

PS Happy Birthday.

If I mention it to my manager I’m sure a card and a cake will be duly provided, but just once I’d like one of them to actually remember and do it themselves as though they actually gave a fuck about another member of their team. Seriously, four years? All this time and none of them even thought to ask when my birthday is? I’m thinking of mentioning it on Monday with a sarcastic thanks, but then again I don’t want to be the asshole here. I should probably just man up and treat it as one of life’s important lessons.

Happy Birthday!

Perhaps everyone else made a point to mention when their birthday is so as to make sure people would notice and not forget. I don’t think you doing the same would be petty or shallow. Some people might even be under the assumption that you don’t particularly like celebrating your birthday. I say you choose the direct route and tell your supervisor. Even if nothing changes, I wager you’d feel better than ranting about it here.

The lunch thing is certainly rude though, those scabies-ridden cum-dumpster fuckheads.

In my office, the Birthday boy or girl is obligated to bring in treats on their own birthday. (With 11 attorneys, and 5 support staff, it would be a ridiculous # of birthday cakes/celebrations). Then, a group will usually go out to said birthday person’s favorite place for lunch, with lunch paid for by the group.

I actually think it is a great system. The celebrant reminds everyone that it is their birthday (although it is in our calendar), brings in their favorite treat, and gets free lunch. It is a recognition that it is their day, without too much overblown effort.

ps. Sorry bibliovore. That is supremely lame. And I would be much too prideful and spiteful to remind everyone that it was my birthday.

I’m going to guess that forgetting your birthday for four years is a function of someone missing putting it on the repeating calendar the first year, and it never getting put on afterwards because you’ve never mentioned it. This is a very easy thing to fix - tell someone! Unless, of course, you’d rather nurse your hurt feelings.

As for joining them for lunch, it’s work, not high school - invite yourself along if you want to go. If they are truly trying to shut you out, I’d make it as uncomfortable for them as possible, because that’s how I roll. :slight_smile:

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :smiley:

Where I’ve worked for the last 5 years, desks get decorated with streamers and balloons and little pieces of foil confetti that gets everywhere. One of the bosses makes a point of singing Happy Birthday loudly and keylessly. There are over 200 employees in the building, so you can guess how “special” a bithday celebration feels by now.

This year, I switched departments shortly before my birthday, and silently wondered if my new team would notice. When the day came, I walked into the office and was quite pleased to see that my desk was exactly as I’d left it the night before. Nobody sang, or made lame “over the hill” jokes, or brought a too-sweet cake that my waistline doesn’t need anyway. It was the best birthday I’ve had since I’ve been here.

First, your co-workers don’t have to be your new best friends. If you’ve made an effort to connect and they still blow you off, then fuck 'em.

You could be in an office of clique-ish assholes or you may come off as unapproachable to them. Either way, it’s not the end of the world. Fuck 'em, fuck 'em all.

Can you tell I’m in a foul mood, too?

I had kind of the same problem. They remembered for the first couple of years, but then all of the November birthday people got lumped together. Not that it was any huge deal, but it felt a little like being “and the rest” from the Gilligan’s Island theme song.

What was a little more galling is that there was no party for me when I left the department. Except for my office mate, I never even got a goodbye. This is after eight years of employment there. A week later, another employee gave her one-week notice, and a party was thrown for her. She’d worked here for maybe four months! At the last minute I was invited to the party and added to the cake. “Good luck Dhara! and the rest.”

I showed them, though. On the day of the party I got good and sick and didn’t come in to work. HA!

Thanks guys. I think I will mention something after all, but will try to do so in a way that doesn’y sound whiny or petty. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Can you list the birthdays of you co-workers from memory? I think not. Either someone somewhere is keeping a list or people know to drop enough hints in the weeks leading up to their birthday.

Casually mention in some conversation that you won’t be able to do the TPS spreadsheet reports for the TTP project this weekend because it’s your birthday and you’ll be {blind drunk / getting laid / watching 8 hours of classic cartoons / playing mini-golf / doing other party activity}.

I’m going for the semi-jokey approach and sending it to my supervisor rather than the whole team. How does this sound?

"Hi XXX,

It’s also my 35th birthday this Sunday (21st Nov). I haven’t actually had a cake or a card in the four years that I’ve been here, so this year I’ll be expecting either four cakes and four cards, or a single cake and a single card at quadruple the size. :)"

You have to tell people! You really can’t expect them to remember. I am the AA in the office, so I remember everyone else’s birthdays but no one remembers mine, so I just tell them - HEY! My birthday is coming up next week, let’s have a party!

ETA: I am going to be 35 in a couple of weeks, too. Happy Birthday!

I remembered weeks ago!

I wonder if it’s a November thing though. There’s just so many of us it’s hard to keep track.

This year I dealt with it in a slightly different way. When people asked me how I was doing (which I prompted by asking them first), I said “Awesome, it’s my birthday.” Between that and facebook, I got more than my share of well wishes.

Oh, and Bibliovore – Happy Diwali!

I’m not Hindu, but thanks! And thanks to all the rest of you for the birthday wishes and encouragement too. I’m taking this harder than I normally would - probably just a touch of depression or something.

And Happy Birthday Anaamika!

Sounds like the same situation as a raise… they aren’t going to remember it out of the goodness of their hearts. You have to ask, or at least remind them.

At my office, only the resident VP gets a birthday cake.

It doesn’t come off as a joke to me, it reads as whiny and aggressive.

Me, I’d say, “Something really silly has been bothering me and I just need to get it taken care of: my birthday seems to have been left off the Master List that must be around here somewhere. Who should I talk to so I can get in on the good stuff?”

I’d say it. I wouldn’t write it. There’s too many ways to misinterpret tone in text.

And happy birthday! Mine’s on the 26th. I expect a thread in my honor in MPSIMS. :wink:

I’d bring in a cake (or some other kind of goody) on my birthday (or Monday following it since you said yours is on the weekend this year - also, that gives them one more small window of opportunity to celebrate with you on Friday).
You can say “Happy Birthday to me, and here’s a goody I’d like to share with all my team members to celebrate” in the nicest sort of way.

I’m a big believer in passive/aggressive guilt trips. :smiley:

I agree that your letter doesn’t come off sounding very good and probably won’t do you any favors.
And a very happy birthday to you!
Mine got left out of the monthly birthday dinner our local group of friends had last month. I’m not offended though because I’ve made it a point not to mention the date, ever! (and I was in Paris at the time so can’t complain anyway)