Okay, Ms. Self-Appointed-Office-Social-Event-Organizer, call me a Grinch if you like, but I am sick to death of your efforts to turn our workplace into some sort of pseudo social club/family/ring of friends.
Why? Why? Why do you do this??? Do you not have friends or family of your own, is that it? Is lack of any sort of a social life outside work the reason you insist creating this ersatz version???
Because this is NOT a home or social club. It is a workplace. Yes! A PLACE to do WORK!
I come here to do a job, which I do very well, thank you. I trade casual pleasantries with fellow workers at the appropriate times – the “Hi, how are you?”, the "Have a nice weekend"s, the "Wow, what lovely weather"s kind of thing. I also willingly exchange coverage with various others for lunch and break times, sick days, etc. More importantly, I do my duties quickly and efficiently, including giving other workers the reports/data/whatever they need from me on time and accurately. (I only wish everyone else in the department could say the same.)
That basically is the full extent of the interactions I want with most of my coworkers: let us behave toward each other as amicable, civilized professionals who happen to be currently working for the same company.
But that isn’t good enough for you, Ms SAOSEO, is it? You want us to be, or at least pretend to be, one big family. We must celebrate each person’s birthdays. We must throw showers: at the birth of offspring, their own or their offspring’s offspring, at weddings, their own or their offspring’s wedding. We must acknowledge with cards and gifts every graduation/First Communion/Bar Mitzvah/Eagle Scout/whatever each one of each coworker’s offspring have. There are 19 people in just the local group – I swear you show up collecting for card & present funds for some sort of occasion at least once a week!
And then there are the outside office hours affairs you keep dreaming up to steal what should be personal time away from us. Saturday picnics and baseball games. Sunday Brunches. The carefully generic “Holiday” party. The bowling night. The miniature golf night. The hayride! And Ghod knows what else you have planned.
IT’S TOO FUCKING MUCH.
I am hereby opting out of every single bit of your phony office=family doings. I will no longer donate, I will no longer attend, I will not so much as eat a crumb of anyone’s birthday cake. If the celebration relates to either of the two coworkers I am truly friends with I will celebrate those occasions – as I choose, but definitely OUTSIDE the office.
Instead of ‘enjoying’ all your various office parties I will continue to do the work I am paid to do during office hours, and once those are over I will leave and spend the rest of my time with my REAL family and friends. Or maybe alone. (Yeah, I like being alone some of the time.)
I know I’m going to take some heat over this decision, but I will stand fast. And guess what? I’ve heard others grumble at the cost and wasted time your events cause. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there aren’t a bunch of others who will opt out of this nonsense once they see it can be done.
Sincerely yours, The Grinch.
(Yes, I know it does no good to rant here. This is a rehearsal/venting. I will deliver a very polite but firm version of it orally the next time Ms. SAOSEO comes around with her envelope. Or maybe not wait? Maybe I should put it in writing on the bulletin board? Just so everyone knows I am not just refusing to attend THEIR daughter’s shower or whatever. Hmmm. If I leave space beneath my signature, I wonder if others will sign the declaration too?)