Here’s the situation. Picture it: [del]Sicily, 1923[/del] You’re in a bar or other suitable venue and let’s say you’re single and willing to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, but not necessarily Mr./Ms. Right. Across the room, there’s somebody you find very attractive in a physical way. You go up to him or her , and from talking a few minutes you get the distinct impression that this person is:
(A) Just a little smarter than you had imagined.
(B) Just a little dumber than you had imagined.
Without overthinking, which case is more of a turn-on?
Right after I divorced at age 25, I hooked up a few times with this one guy, who was big and strong and hot and manly and very, very dumb. He was as dumb as a box of rocks, but man the sex was hot. Seriously.
So, having had that particular experience, I’d probably think back to that and find the dumb guy hot. At least in the hook-up way, but not the long-term way. Dumb is not in when I’m looking for a keeper. You have to be out of bed some times.
To clarify, on the dumber side I’m not talking about someone spouting ignorant opinions or seriously mentally challenged. Maybe just the kind of thing where you try to make a witty remark and you see they don’t follow. And you go, “oh.” And adjust your conversation accordingly.
It depends on how you define smart and stupid. I can deal with people who have less overall knowledge, as long as they are intellectually curious people. I mean, one of my best friends got Ds all her life, can’t write a paper to save her life, and is surprised by even the most basic trivia, and yet we have the deepest, most interesting conversations.
If she is smart, then yeah, I vote that smarter than expected is better. But if it’s just not getting references? That’s no big deal, so I pick the bottom.
I also have to admit that being exactly as dumb as I expect is never a turn off, but then I’m not looking for a true girlfriend in those situations.
In the words of David Brent: “…for me to be attracted to a woman, she’s got to be as intelligent, or slightly less intelligent than me…”
When I was first getting to know the girl who is now my girlfriend, we were talking and I was thinking how cute and funny she was, then she mentioned she’s a qualified cartographer and I nearly swooned. (Good job she didn’t mention the Master’s or the PhD at the time, or I might have been taken out on a stretcher.) Smarter than expectations is always always a turn-on.
Smarter is much more attractive to me. I run into cute-but-dumb all the time and while nice to look at, smarter will really grab my attention.
As I’m not into casual hook-ups, sooner or later you have to really talk to the other person. I have no problem being friends with people who aren’t as intelligent as I am, but definitely prefer it that way.
I personally feel that the difference between “not smart” and “willfully ignorant” is incredibly important as well.
Agreed. Highly cerebral can also be a turn off for me too; the sort of person who has no sense of humor or irony because they think too hard about everything.
But dull, shallow, uncurious…major turn-off, even for a one-time bang.
Nope, straight female here and I picked a little dumber. A little dumber has its advantages.
What’s with people throwing around the word stupid or acting as if you’re talking about someone as dumb as a rock? Your OP clearly states that you are talking “a little dumber” and you even made another clarification a few comments later.
For me, charisma is too multi-faceted to answer that. Is the person funny, kind, bitchy, nasty, honest, talkative, sullen, bigoted, egotistical, charming, friendly? Are they fun to be around? All of those things I’d consider as important - some more so - than intelligence.
OK, but in these sorts of hypotheticals, I think it’s assumed that all other factors are equal. Like, two people, both the same amount of funny/bitchy/nasty/honest/whatever, except one is smarter than you’d expected and one is dumber: Which do you prefer?
If I was int he market for someone to date – not necessarily spend my life with, but to hang out with for a while and see how it went, definitely smarter. I figure this would pretty much always be what I was looking for, if I was looking. (Haven’t been single in 20 years, so it’s a bit of a thought-experiment.)
Just looking to hook up for a one-nighter, dumber is hotter.