Talking to Your Pets

In My Humble Opinion
41

Another cat-talker checking in.

I talk to Beru all the time.

Generally when we’re alone, when I first get home, she’ll come find me. Typical exchange is thus:

Beru: Mrrow.
Me: Well, that sucks. What did you do about it?
Beru: Mrrrow.
Me: Well, you really can’t blame her. After all, you started it.

When people come over, I generally do something like this:

Beru: Merrow.
Me: Nope. Bogota’s the capital of Colombia. Lima’s the capital of Peru. You ALWAYS get that wrong.

  • or -

Beru: Mrow.
Me: Barry Manilow. But he was singing about Brian Wilson.

I do a variation with my mother’s dog. When I let her out, and she’s ready to come in, I ask her…“You wanna come in, don’t you?” Then I realize that I’m talking to a dog, through a door. And that’s just retarded.

42

I knew it! All those books were written by dogs!

Regards, Dogzilla
(And with a user name like that, ya think I don’t talk to my beasties? Sha, right. :wink: )

43

I was thinking about this thread over the weekend. I always talk to my dog, but I don’t have long, drawn out conversations with him. He’s sort of a minimalist.

But I did realize that I’ll talk to anything that listens, and that includes the horses and the cattle. It’s one thing to talk to a horse; I treat them more like pets then the guys do. But the cattle? I have recently stopped cussing at them when I’m trying to move them around because it was gtting a little embarrassing, but I still point out to them that they should get their heads out of the fence and move along, which is more than a little silly. They’re used to me by now, but it is the body motions and not the stern lectures that get them where I want them to go. I know that, and still I talk. It makes Cowboy laugh at me. :slight_smile:

44

I have a girl cat named C.C. Her nicknames are Cease, Cecil, and (most recently), Cecilia.

So I started singing Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia” to her.

Lyrics:

Makin’ love in the afternoon
to Cecilia, up in my bedroom
Makin’ love!
I get up to wash my face
when I come back to bed
someone’s taken my place

She recognizes her name in the song. She seems to like when I sing it to her, so I keep doing it.

It really, really freaks out my family, though, when I start singing at the top of my lungs, “Makin’ love in the afternoon to Cecilia, up in my bedroom–Makin’ love!”

I live with my parents (for now), and they have a stupid 13 year old cat called Pooh. She squalls all the time and is an all-around nutjob. So I often say mean things to her in a sweet little sing-song voice.

A couple of recent examples:

“That’s right–after dinner, we’re all going to form a cat-killing mob and rip you from limb-to-limb.” (Not true; we’re all quite fond of her, even if she is a yowling idiot.)

“Shut up, you little dirtbag. You’re not getting any of my turkey sandwich. Why? Because I hate you, you ugly little shithead.” (I ended up giving her turkey, because she’s cute and sweet, even though she is stupid and dirty.)

I also like to pretend that the little dummy is trying to engage me in conversation. This usually happens when I am in the kitchen having lunch, and she wants me to let her out.

Pooh: MROW! (Meaning, let me out.)
Me: Yeah, I know, it’s really cold out.
Pooh: MROW!
Me: Well, I’m not getting up to let you out until I’m done eating this sandwich.
Pooh: MROW!
Me: I don’t care if that makes you mad. You can suck a lemon for all I care.
Pooh: MROW!
Me: I know, that was unkind. I’m sorry.
Pooh: (getting really impatient) MROW!
Me: Well, you must admit, you ARE kind of a pest.
Pooh: (pathetically, giving up hope of being let out) mrow.
Me: Don’t be too upset. We all love you very much.

45

OMG, I didn’t see this before I posted. I’m so glad it’s not just me.

46

I certianly do talk to all my pets and all the critters at work too. Not only will I carry on a converstion with a cat or dog, but I’ve been known to speak to everything from alligators to cockroaches!

It’s kind of funny. My co-worker’s do it too. Now, it’s one thing to talk to, say, a parrot, but we also talk to the snakes and we know perfectly well they can’t hear! Of course, I’ve been known to talk to the car too…

47

My dog is my therapist.

48

I talk their little kitty ears off. What do you mean, they don’t understand me? Of course, I talk to myself as well, so it’s possible I’m just a harmless nutjob. They get a lot of verbal abuse. It’s all in the same kitty-lovin’ voice, and they don’t seem to mind it, but it’s odd how I can’t seem to hold any conversations with cats without telling them how fat and nasty they are, and cursing at them. It’s hard not to…I mean, shitty rhymes with kitty! I have to say it!

49

Oh yeah, I talk to my pets. I really get chatty with my oldtimer cat Bean. I’ve had him forever and he is certainly unique. I’ve been chatty with him because I have this sneaking suspicion he knows what I’m saying and I don’t want him reporting to the Cat Overlord that I ignore him.
The funny thing about this guy is that I can give him commands in varying inflections and tones or I can use different phrases for the same command and he will obey me. For example I can tell him to “lie down” “go to bed” “go sleepy” “sleeptime” “bedtime” or I an just say “park it” and he will lie down. I an even softly whisper these commands to him. He will come to me when called and he answers to a variety of names. He does not come when I call out to my other two cats or my dog.
He was sick back in the summer and lost a lot of weight so I have to monitor his food intake to make sure he’s eating well and if I feel like he didn’t eat enough breakfast I’ll tell him either to “eat more” “take a couple more bites” “not enough , Buddy” “Oh my god, please eat before I start crying, you’re so skinny!” “Do it for Mommy, Bean!”
at all these things he will stop, droop his shoulders and sulk back to the dish and eat a few more bites. Sometimes he will look at me out of the corner of his eye while he just “licks” the food without actually taking a bite. (Thinks I’m stupid, ya see) and when I call him on it, the little shit actuall starts eating. Either that or he gives me a buggy look then runs as fast as his frail little legs will allow and tries to escape the evil food-pusher.

Yes, I am that crazy cat person all of your grand children will eventually be daring each other to torment on Halloween.

50

We have only one rabbit right now and she is referred to as ‘Her Highness’. She seems to believe that we have killed and eaten her daily for the past 6 years.

Her ears always twitch when I say “B-u-u-u-n-y Lunch!” We can’t figure out whether she does that because she wants her lunch or she thinks her doom is eminent.

51

I must agree about the parrots. I talk to mine, and they talk back, in inverse proportion to how much English they have mastered. The green one will happily chat for hours on any subject that includes “pri-y ird”, “hello” or banging his head on things. The big grey one will reproduce favorite phone calls he has witnessed, if you provide the phone. The little grey one knows names, nouns, verbs, is capable of answering questions and giving orders, as well as following commands. But he feels that his status as Mr Bad Rebel Bird demands that he communicate entirely in mime, except when the stupid humans need it spelled out for them “Daaaad, can I have a pizza… HERE!”