I sometimes flip on the Trinity Broadcasting Network for laughs when I’m bored, and lately it has been highly entertaining. Currently, TBN is running what it calls a “praise-a-thon,” which is not so much about the praising as it is about the solicitation of funds from its viewers. In between appeals to emotion, dubious brags of TBN’s broadcast range (c’mon, TBN is bringing people to Jesus in Saudi Arabia and China?) and bouts of cold reading and vague warnings of doom (“prophesying” to the cognoscenti), the speakers exhort their viewers to “invest their seed,” which sounds faintly pornographic but turns out to mean “give money.” Paul Crouch and his wife, who looks like a deranged cocker spaniel) ask their viewers to give their widows’ mites unto God, who by happy coincidence picks up His mail at the Crouches’ address.
I understand that TBN doesn’t derive income from advertising like Comedy Central does, or from cable subscriptions, as HBO does, but Turner Classic Movies doesn’t take advertising or cable subscriptions and they don’t hold telethons begging for cash, promising supernatural blessings in return. And IMO, the calibre of entertainment on TCM is way superior to the low-rent tent revival circus on TBN.
Now you’re asking, “Gobear, you loathe religion and think the Crouches and their henchmen are con men preying on the ignorant and the desperate,” and you’re right. but that’s not to say TBN doesnlt have something to offer even me. From their FAQ:
Great googlymoogly! Idon’tget TBN, unfortunately, but I’ve seen it once or twice. Seeing that PBS’ fund raisers are numbingly boring, I do bet TBN’s is entertaining.
The muscle men are probably there to carry Jan’s make up.
You know, folks, I live just down the road from one of their broadcast facilities. I’m not sayin’ anything. I’m just sayin’.
In no way am I suggesting that you should stop by my place, rifle through my collection of “improvised” munitions books and then pay TBN a visit. Nope. That would be wrong.
If they have a toll-free number, I suggest you call and praise them. And just to let them know how sincere your feelings are, keep calling them and keep praising them. Help them reach their praise goal for the year.
Alas, there are actually a few things on TBN which are informative & interesting to moderate evangelical C’tians- too bad we gotta wade through Paul & Jan & Benny Hinn & John Hagee & that Breakthrough preacher to find it.
Granted- the stuff I do like on TBN is probably still regarded as extreme Right hucksterish nutjobbery by many here.
But yeah, there are a lot of us even on the C’tian Right who kinda hold our nose when it comes to TBN.
Yeah, as a teenager I’d occasionally call thema nd try to tie up their praiseathon workers as long as I could with questions about who could donate, for example, I’m a gay Satanist, and can I give them money?
Maybe it’s the John Jacob Jinkleheimer Schmidt power team?
Hot videos and muscle men? Cool!
I can’t even think of some of the “preachers” without laughing. Benny Hinn keeps turning into Benny Hill in my mind. The names are so similar. Does Benny Hinn also have silly songs and skits too?
Maybe we should all call during their Cash-a-Thon. No money, just verbal praise, followed up with lots of “God will provide” and some “Lilies of the field” stuff.
Meh, I’m a big ol’ muscle queen; call it a weakness. Mind, I’d prefer it if they didn’t shave their bodies because hairy, muscular chests are about the sexiest attribute on a man.
I’d particularly like to ask those guys how ripping a telephone book in half or smashing a pile of wooden tiles proves the veracity of the Christian faith. I mean, I can bench 200 lbs, should I say, “Thus I demonstrate the nonexistence of gods”?
Heh heh. I can smash boards, and I’m built like a male Olive Oyl. “Thus I demonstrate the existence of whatever it is I’m supposedly proving”
Maybe I can become the Voice On Earth Of The Old Ones :eek:
Does anyone remember Dr Scott. He was a nut. He would get all pissy and stare at the camera and refuse to speak until someone called in with a donation. Sometimes he wore several hats and/or several pairs of glasses at the same time. He would frequently run long, boring films of his horse farm.
Being up and bored in the middle of the night, I would feel inspired to give him a call on a semi-regular basis. One night he ran a song called “Kill a Pissant for Jesus (and then kill a pissant for me…”, so I had to call and ask what a pissant was (“It’s a nitty-gritty thing that bothers you”- it was a live show), or ask if pissants weren’t God’s creatures, too, etc.
Of course, I would tell my boyfriend about the calls and how I was slightly worried that Dr. Scott would be able to identify me somehow.
One day, the doorbell rang and there was a flower delivery guy with flowers for me! The card said “Thinking of You, Dr. Scott” (insert google eyed smiley here).
Yow!
It took me about a minute to figure out it was my boyfriend that sent the flowers. That was one freaky minute!
