It has happened to me before. Not abuse.
Trust me, you’ll be a little heartbroken when she stops.
"the mysterious power to cloud men’s minds’’
Boobs and hips.
I don’t think it’s that aberrant. I remember having been seriously hit on by a girl around this age when I was a 30 something. I wouldn’t assume abuse or such things.
Indeed. Older women should follow those teens’ example. I wish women would do more bold moves 
Good answers! Pretty much that, AU. When you are a girl you wake up one morning between the ages of 11 and 14, and suddenly you’re different. You get attention, you have influence. Suddenly you are treated differently.
It’s pretty confusing, because it happens suddenly and you’re still very young. It’s also something of a power rush. You don’t always immediately realise all the downsides to your new super powers, because it’s new and you’re young and naive. Suddenly men start treating you as a woman, it feels like they take you seriously, they are interested in you, you can get what you want. Men give you free stuff, they offer to help you, give you all sorts of things. You are powerful and in control. It’s your body that does this, you have influence over people. It’s a super power.
And then you realise that actually it’s all creepy and gross and really, really dangerous and threatening, and it isn’t about you, just about your body. Your super powers aren’t so great after all. But for a short time when you first get them, you need to test them out. And it’s a thrill.
Plus I think our society does a crap job of preparing girls for this.
I’ll second that, outlierrn. Not that it is something anyone knows exactly how to do. And each parent and child carries his own baggage into the puzzle to complicate thing.s
It’s a subject of gravity and poor choices can cause life-altering error but most of us treat it lightly. It’s not as though we can prevent a young person from making those life-altering mistakes but the way we address them can help impress them with their importance.
I’ve heard it said that a young girl learns best how to expect men to treat her from the way her father treats her. If he makes “cute” comments about her budding physical attributes to an exclusion of treating her with dignity she can get the idea that her “super powers” are what gives her value.
Other fathers, unsure of how to treat this new sexual being they are raising, go in the other direction and pull away. Perhaps withholding physical affection for fear of their own sexual responses.
And somewhere in there is also a light approach because that sometimes is what works best. And because sex is just so darned absurd.
The balance is maddeningly difficult to find, I think. Respect may be the key. Not only respect for the body, but for the vulnerable learning person inside of the body. (Hah. Bob Seger. “They do respect her but, they love to watch her strut.”)
And, not to put dads on the spot, mom and the behavior she role-models, has an equal influence.
Sex as entertainment and marketing tool pervades our culture but it is difficult to put it in perspective as a powerful driving life-force that also deserves the deepest respect.
I once attended a workshop where the speaker said US society gives two major mixed messages to our young about sex:
-
Sex is beautiful; don’t do it.
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Sex is dirty; save it for the one you love.
That was quite a while ago so I’ll add another for the current climate.
- The only good sex is dirty sex; that’s true love.
Expecially big ones. I’ve had a 17-year-old shake her DDs at me trying to get me to buy her something (we’ve bought things for her in the past). I’m old enough to be her father!
The girls behavior seems normal to me. There could be a harmless father fixation or she’s got a crush. Young girls do that all the time.
The OP handled it well by remaining friendly but staying around other people. I wouldn’t acknowledge the girl’s flirting. Stay polite and friendly. Make smalltalk. But make sure other people are always close by.
I think a lot of you are blind, this is definitely not abnormal. I would have probably been that girl, unfortunately. HOW EMBARRASSING! But for some reason I was always attracted to older men. More like age 30ish but still. If you looked about 30 to me or something about you attracted me, I would look at you after I said something seeking your approval. I wouldn’t have “scratched” the foot because I was also kind of shy at the same time. I guess I would want them to flirt first. I still catch myself doing this and I don’t know why? I really don’t want to come off as flirtatious to anyone but it’s almost like a habit. My mom is always flirtatious I’m sure I picked it up from her. ):
Note the last reply to this thread was in June 2013.
I experienced a similar situation when I was in my early 40s. A friend’s teenage daughter (14, maybe? I forget) was getting unnecessarily close to me while sitting on a couch watching TV, in full view of her mom and dad. (I have known the father since I was in grade school.) I just continued a regular conversation with her (probably about the TV show or its characters; I really don’t remember) and moved away just a bit. She closed the distance and we continued conversing. I talked with her and also her dad and mom, just mundane stuff, and inched away again. They were grinning at this point.
The daughter closed the distance again, and leaned her head really close to mine. I said something about running out of room on the couch – did she just want the whole thing to herself, or what?. Then all us adults burst into laughter! Her dad said, “Oh, Valerie (not her real name) is going through a ‘no boundaries’ phase. I was wondering when you’d call her on it!” We had a good laugh, and she didn’t seem too embarrassed by the whole thing.
Her dad told me later that she did this with several of his male friends for a few weeks, then stopped for good. Teenagers are odd!
This. I apparently, at age 67, fall into this category. The young ladies in my school all want to practice their flirting skills on me. SWMBO thinks it’s funny as hell. I just crack jokes with them and make damn good and well sure I’m never alone with them.
We tend to get burned by Mr Creepy Guy long before then, or our parents, or society, who instills in us that this behavior is Not Good, or brings bad returns.
Sorry.
I think it was Greg Behrendt who said something like, “The sixteen year old girls don’t see me as a threat anymore. Now, I don’t care if the sixteen-year-old girls notice me, but now they very aggressively do not.”
My niece suddenly became hyper-sexual when she turned 13 last year. My brother and SIL have had to literally go to creepy middle-aged men’s homes and pull her out by the arm. A lot of other mental health issues occurred at the same time, including dangerous behaviors like sneaking out of her room at midnight to meet guys and score pot in Central Park.
Kidlet is currently in a private psych hospital. Docs think she may have an underlying hormonal disorder that’s screwing up her brain’s “executive functions.”
All to say: of course I don’t know a thing about the flirty girl’s history, but even normative hormonal changes around the time menstruation begins can really screw with the adolescent brain (which lacks a lot of executive function to begin with).
Overall it’s odd that a new teen would be interested in somebody old enough to be… well… a zombie.
That said, for over 30 years I’ve commuted past the same house. There was at first a young girl, grade school I guess, who one day waved at me, and I waved back, all friendly. This continued a few years until she was perhaps late high school and obviously matured. Then one day she made a kissing gesture at me, which she continued for a year or so until she disappeared (at least from the bus stop every morning). I thought it most likely she thought it funny, as from her point of view I was some old guy who drove past in a station wagon every morning.
Who knows?
If you’re that guy? Spill food/drink on your shirt, make excuses, and GTF out of that house immediately.
Never go back… and if an adult asks you why over the phone, then Tell the adult why.
If this thread is a zombie late in 2023 when she turns 21, the OP should STILL never go back to that house.
I have always assumed that abused children would be a lot more overt in this sort of thing. It’s not like anything the OP describes is inherently sexual. It seems at most to be crush behavior. And it is not at all uncommon for children of that age to develop crushes on older men.
The guides I’ve seen always talk about sexual behavior or knowledge that is beyond the norm for their age level. And I just don’t see that in the OP’s description. I mean, the worst thing you’ve got is foot tickling, and I know plenty of parents who do that to their kids as a form of play.
Barring a foot fetish, it’s not sexual.