So why is behavior tolerated in junior high and high school that would, without qualification, result in charges in an adult setting? Why is assault, harassment, and slander tolerated because “kids will be kids”?
If they started punishing this kind of shit like they do with adults, kids would no longer “be kids”. They might actually act like human beings for a change…
Only bits and pieces of the things quoted in the OP are in the least mean-spirited. Most of it is sound advice that is not framed in totally soothing language because mostly we are not professional counselors here.
What I do see are others who are drawing from their own experiences in surviving the hell hole that high school can be.
Look at the responses from the OP again:
If Chastain86 were really “spoiling for a fight,” chances are that she or he would have come up with something with a little more teeth to it. The Ohio remark sounds a little bit more like teasing to me. Maybe it was inappropriate under the circumstances to tease, but for some of us, that’s how we show our affection and test the waters. Not all teasing is mean. Sometimes it is an unconscious test of how cool and relaxed someone is. If you get huffy, that’s a negative response. If you laugh and poke a little fun at yourself, the sting is gone and you come across as a fun to know.
These comments also apply to this quote:
If they are no longer teasing you to “test the waters” to see if you can handle it, then it is possible that they are teasing just for the “team sport.” When they are members of a group of people who are teasing someone as a gag, it is all too easy to justify to themselves what they are doing. The activities seem funny to them and they don’t let themselves stop and think about what the targeted person is feeling. They may not even think of themselves as bullies.
But there may come a point where the teasing changes to taunting for the purpose of getting a reaction out of someone. The more reaction they get, the more they taunt. That is plain old mean-spirited bullying.
When this level of bullying is going on, there are some suggestions that I would make. Don’t react in any observable way. Have witnesses nearby who are aware of what to watch and listen for. Document everything with time and date and who said what. If it is legal in your state, tape it – especially secretly.
Then get your parents involved. If it were my kid, I woud have their feet to the fire and their parents in court. Considering the nature of the society we live in, that kind of bullying should no longer be tolerated.
Back to the OP responses:
Notice the word inferred! Chastain is explaining her or his feelings and thoughts in response to the wording in the original thread. There is no accusation – just a suggestion that perhaps that is part of the problem. It was Chastain’s comment that was twisted.
No where do I see him called a cry baby. Talk about twisting! To the contrary, KnowingOut suggests that he did the right thing by involving the school officials. He does offer a friendly reminder that eventually he is going to have to learn to deal with this on his own. What part of that statement is wrong?
Again, someone is telling The Man how he comes across – not necessarily how he is. Boo Foo Foo would probably be the first to acknowledge that he doesn’t actually know what The Man is feeling. (Unless Boo Foo is from Florida…but that’s another story.)
And the “twinkie on the folding chair” is right about at least one thing. The title of the original thread was a mess and seemed to make assumptions.
The mentality towards school yard bullying that I hear from some people reminds me about one talk show I was listening to a couple years ago when military hazing incidents were big in the news. One guy called in and said that they were a wonderful thing and talked about going through it as a great bonding experience and how it helped to form great friendships with his fellow army buddies :rolleyes:
Road Rash – Pussy is worthless shit? I must disagree.
There are definitely times when I’m convinced there are actually two different species making up Homo sapiens: the bonders and the loners. Because at no time in my life has hazing/bullying/harassment/assault made me bond with my attackers. It’s only made me hate them with a passion that dwarfs the proverbial million blazing suns.
There are still people from high school that I wouldn’t stop to piss on if they were on fire (unless I could somehow piss Everclear). It’s been 15 years.
I skipped my 10 year high school reunion because I had to go to school with a lot of assholes (no one that beat me up, but still assholes nonetheless).
I might try the 15 or 20 year reunion, see if they changed and grew up yet.
Or maybe I can go and gloat over how they got bald and fat and divorced 
Joel, you weren’t quite repeating what the other person (Knowed Out) said. What s/he said was, “Anybody at the workplace who acts as immature as Isaiah isn’t going to last 5 minutes anyway. This is a different situation.” They are different situations, but mainly because an adult being harassed in the workplace isn’t likely to be criticized for filing a complaint with HR, while a student filing a complaint with administration is subject to accusations (more on this later). Anyway, you should follow links, to better form your own opinion on the subject that’s being carried over to the second thread!
Fretful Porpentine and TMWTGG: You’re welcome.
What do you want him to do—agree with Isaiah and them that he’s worthless? You yourself said that he’s made good posts on other subjects; is it only okay for other people to speak well of him?
Amen, brother.
Zoe:
Can’t hear inflections or see facial expressions on the net. It came across as a criticism, and an unfounded one.
You give some good advice in the next three paragraphs, but…
You’re not gonna do that thing where, unless I counter a post exact word for exact word, then I’m putting words in the other poster’s mouth, are you? KO inferred that TMWTGG has been “sheltered by his parents”, and from that phrase, I inferred that KO thought TMWTGG was being a baby. What else was I supposed to infer from that phrase?
What’s wrong is KO’s obliviousness to the fact that TMWTGG did deal with the problem on his own.
Now for the “more on this later”. Suppose an adult poster’s co-workers printed up the same fliers and made the same comments about the poster being the sniper. S/he would be counseled, if they posted about it here, to go directly to HR. The phrase “deal with it on your own” wouldn’t even come up. When you’re in school, the principal, headmaster, dean, whatever, is your HR. What part of TMWTGG seeking their assistance was wrong?
And I’m telling KO, and now you, how you come across. Not necessarily how you are.
Joel, again:
Perhaps he meant the guys who were being hazed along with him. Surviving a tough situation together can create strong bonds. But the operative word is “together”. I see no parallel with a situation where someone’s being singled out.
No, I think that the caller ment that he bonded with those that hazed him. Hey, It worked out fine in the end for him, but I think it’s stupid that that’s what it takes to earn the respect of others.
Oh, and also, my point was that the caller was saying that hazing was a good thing and that he was talking about it in “Boys will be boys” and “It’s good for you, it builds character” terms just like some talk about school bullying.
I see. To me, all that means is that the hazers end up transferring their aggression to the hazees, who will then pass it on to others.
They could also absorb it themselves, allowing it to fester…
Or they could be pre-warned about it and remain among civilized people.
matt, do you mean the hazers or the hazees?
Well, I want to pit about something that happened to me as a teenager in the early 1980s.
I learned how to drive around 1983-84. I live in a suburb of Memphis, Tennessee called Germantown, which is where upper middle class and wealthy types live.
Of course, as a teenager, I did not know how to drive well and had a lead foot. I was working then, and was stopped in Memphis for a violation. No biggie, I went downtown, paid the fine and was done with it.
Then, I got a ticket in Germantown. They had (have) a rule stating that if you are under 18, you had to go to court with either a parent or a legal guardian. Shit! I even tried to go down there to pay them their money and they would not take it. So, I had to go home and tell Daddy that I got me a ticket and we were going to spend Thursday night going to court. So, here I am, wearing a stupid jacket and tie in a room with half the damn high school waiting around for Mayberry Justice.
Almost 20 years later, that little event still pissed me off.
ET
Very true.
And this has what to do with the thread in which you posted it?
Besides, I see it more as the precinct doing something about a lack of parental supervision. Folks under 18 are, no matter how old they act or feel, still legally minors, and their parents can be held liable for any damage or injury they cause. Therefore, bully on Germantown for making sure your adult parents knew what was going on in the legal life of their minor child.