Telemarketers and work (very lame)

Ok, so I know everybody here has already done their own telemarketing bit. But this, at least to me, takes the cake.

I’m at my desk today, around 1300, and the outdial line on my phone starts flashing. I pick up.

“20th SF, SSgt Mang speaking.”

On the other end of the line, in moderately broken english, comes this voice. “Hi, I’m Jimbo Jones from XXX mortgage company. Is the homeowner in?”

So, I think to myself ‘did this fellow listen to me?’ So, of course, I repeat myself. “This is the 20th Security Forces Squadron. Staff Sergeant Mang speaking. How can I help you?”

“Oh, hello. I’m Jimbo Jones from XXX mortgage company. Are you the homeowner?”

At that, I blink hard. I can see if when I said 20th SF, rank and name, he may have misunderstood me. But the second time, well, how hard is it to realize that ‘squadron’ rarely means ‘homeowner?’

“I am a homeowner, but this is not a personal line. You’ve reached the duty desk of the 20th Security Forces Squadron.” I figure that’ll do it. He’ll get the point and either apologize and hang up or just hang up. Either way, no harm done, right? Wrong.

“Sir, do you have a mortgage?”

“I do, but you’ve reached the duty desk of the 20th Security Forces Squadron. This is a government line. How did you get this number anyway?”

“Well, sir, if I may have a few minutes of your time. My company, XXX mortgage, is currently offering some very low and competative interest rates on refinancing home mortgages.”

Now I’m really, really wondering if we’re speaking the same language here. “Son, do you understand me? You’ve reached the 20th Security Forces Squadron, Shaw AFB. This is not a private residence, and I suggest you remove this number from your company’s database.”

“Sir, if I may ask, what rate do you have on your mortgage?”

I heard this and my bloodpressure hit the roof. “Are you some kind of idiot? This is NOT a private residence! This is a military instillation, and you’re talking to the desk sergeant of this base’s security! I don’t know what goddamned country you’re from, but in THIS one, you don’t call businesses for mortgage sales! Now put a block on this number and don’t fucking call back!” At this point, I hang up. I’d been shouting loud enough that some of the guys came out of the back and asked me what’s going on. I tell them and a good laugh insues.

So tell me, was I wrong for getting pissed that a telemarketer dialed into my shop?

(Gah, like I said, it’s lame, but it still ticked me off.)

It’s never wrong to get pissed at a telemarketer. Every time a telemarketer in humiliated into quitting their job, an angel gets his wings.

In the first apartment I ever rented I got a call from a real estate agent asking me if I wanted to sell my home.

I told them it was an apartment.

She says, “No, my book shows that this number is for a 3 bedroom ranch home.”

I said, “I think I know the difference between a studio apartment and a 3 bedroom ranch. Besides, I don’t think my landlord would like it if I sold it.” Then I hung up.

No, you were not wrong, and the telemarketer sounds like a complete fucking moron for continuing with his spiel after being informed that he was not, in fact, talking to a resident…and STILL carrying on when he could probably detect the frustration in your voice.

If I inadvertantly ring a business (believing the number to be that of a private residence) I quickly apologise for the intrusion and hang up as soon as I can. There’s no point pursuing the issue, 'cos it will only end up in discomfort for both parties, and a guaranteed NO SALE (or donation or whatever).

I had a similar thing:

Dickhead Telemarketer: I represent the Monkey Fuck Vinyl Siding Company and we were recently in your neighborhood and decided that your house would be a perfect candidate to display out newest vinyl siding.

MBS: You want to put vinyl siding on my house?

DT: Yes, sir.

MBS: My BRICK house? And you chose my BRICK house over the other 12 BRICK houses on the block?

DT: coughsputterUh…

MBS: (click)

I don’t think it’s very fair to put down the Monkey Fuck Vinyl Siding Company because of one bad telemarketer. *My *experiences with the Monkey Fuck Company have been excellent, and I am damn proud to display their emblem(a simian penis pointing proudly towards the heavens) on my front lawn for my neighbors to see.

I’m happy for you, but I was very disappointed with the job that M.F.V.S.C. did on my house.

My siding looks like they just flung the shit on.

But their patented textured vinyl siding is supposed to look that way.

You know, being a telemarketer would be a pretty sweet gig for a masochist, no?

That’s too funny. I bet Bush gets calls like that on that hotline phone he has with Moscow…

“Sir, this is the White House and this is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES speaking!”
“So you are the homeowner?”

Next time fire a missile at him. Why do you think we give you missiles in the first place?

Must…resist…urge…to make…squatter joke!

I have to agree with Otto. Aren’t my tax dollars paying you military guys? Can’t you just drop a bomb on the telemarketing shop place thing?

Otto, Bush doesn’t strike me as a squatter. He strikes me as a piss-all-over-the-seat-walls-and-floor-er.

Well I was going with “squatter” in its “living in a house without being entitled to it” sense, but I didn’t want to hijack the thread with yet another Bush v Gore rehash.

Anyway, his lease is up Jan 20, 2005.

I knew what you were doing, I just wanted to use the word “piss”, ya see.

That’s funny! I recently got a telemarking call call at my home asking if the Security Forces Squadron was there.