Thanks BUNCHES Nanoda!!!
My favorite story, that I’ve told a few times on here already:
My brother-in-law got a call offering to sell carpet cleaning.
Him: “No thanks, we don’t have any.”
Them: “You don’t have any carpets?”
Him: “No, we don’t have any floors.”
Them: Silence…click
I used to love it when telemarketers called, it was so amusing.
TM: Hello Mr. 8, I was calling to offer you the opportunity to…
ME (speaking VERY fast and enthusiastically): Oh, I am soooo glad you called! I’ve been dying to tell someone about the new bumper sticker I found at the mall today. I think it’s really funny and will turn a lot of heads when I put it on my car. Of course my wife doesn’t like it when I put stickers on the car, she thinks it is kind’ve trashy. My mom though has tons of stickers on her car, and she’s not trashy. She did get diagnosed with an ingrown toenail though the other day at her doctor. Have you had one of those?
TM: I…
ME (speaking even faster): I haven’t, but she says it really painful. I told her to take some aspirin. I’ve heard that advil can ruin a persons kidneys if you take too much of it so I told her that aspirin is better. Have you heard that?
TM: Mr…
ME (after slamming a gulp of coffee): That would be the last thing she needs, is a bad kidney on top of her toenail. I don’t think she could even drive herself to the doctor for kidney medication with her foot hurting so much. I suppose I could drive her, it would give me a chance to show her the new bumper sticker. She would probably love it since it’s funny and not political. She hates political statements on cars. Me, I don’t mind it, especially if they slam the pubbies. Are you a democrat?
TM: I…
ME: I try to stay unaffiliated my self, I think they are all a bunch of crooks. Last election I think I voted for three democrats and two republic…
CLICK
ME: Hello? Hello?
I guess I’m pretty easily amused…
These days I just tell them that I am not interested and to take me off their list. They wore me down. 
Happens all the time in our neck of the woods. Clue people, do you KNOW that Alaska is 4 hours behind the east coast? If it’s 8am to you, it’s 4 in the @#$!@#% morning to US!!!
Not that we’d get up to answer it, but my boyfriend’s stupid phone doesn’t turn off. It still rings. And then of course there’s the heartstopping “what if it’s an emergency”??? Til the answering machine kicks on and you can hear the idiot going “Hi!, this is John Smith from XYZ Credit Consolidation, we called last week, and frankly, we’re surprised you haven’t called back, this deal is so great it will cure baldness, cancer…”
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Of course despite the fact that it’s only a telemarketer your heart is still going 90 miles a minute thinking someone was calling for a family emergency or something.
My favourite is to engage them in conversation… then bring the talk around to them…
“Telesales, huh? So, how did you get into this job?” … “Enjoy it?” … “Nah - bit of a thankless task, isn’t it?” … “Made many sales this evening?” … “Tell you what - I’ll sign up for your service if you do something for me. Take off your headphones, stand on your desk, and scream ‘I hate this job, I hate this company, I hate these co-workers, and I hate the poxy wages you pay me’ at the top of your voice. No? Ok, bye…”
… there was the time I got offered health insurance over the phone.
Telesales Girl: “…and it covers a range of illnesses for a very low premium”
Me: “Right. What kind of illnesses?”
TG: “Well, there’s things such as A, B, C, right through to X, Y and Z”
Me: “Does it cover you for short-term memory loss?”
TG: “No, I’m afraid it doesn’t”
Me: “And how much was it?”
TG: “Only £x a month”
Me: “Right. And What kind of illnesses are covered?”
TG: “Well, A,B,C, … X, Y, Z”
Me: “OK. Does it cover you for short-term memory loss?”
TG: “Erm… I’m afraid not.”
Me: “And how much was it?”
TG: “£x per month”
Me: “And what’s covered?”
TG: “A,B,C, X, Y, Z”
Me: “Does it cover you for short-term memory loss?”
TG: "Erm… "
And so on…
Honestly, This conversation went on for a good 10 minutes.
Take the name of these telemarketers and report them.
Subpart L of the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991, states very clearly that:
If they call you outside these hours, you can sue them for up to $1,500 per occasion.
I presume you are aware that Alaska has a Do Not Call List, which is known as the Black Dot Law in that State? Go to the Alaska Department of Law’s website for information.
One of my coworkers at my job raising funds for the ballet was fired yesterday because he was provoked by the old hang-up-the-phone-and-walk-away routine. He called them back and called them “suckers.” Given his pronounced German accent, it probably sounded like “fuckers.”
But don’t rejoice too much – he was moving back to Germany in a couple of weeks anyway and scarcely gave a shit about the job.
Opps. My attack on telemarketers bit me back.
My caller ID said “unknown” so I picked up the phone in a heavy russian accent. They asked for me and, in my thick accent, I made some silly comment. Turns out it was my bank and they were calling about a payment problem. I had to continue the call with the silly accent.
I had to end the call…
“I mus be calling to you back at later time. Is ok,. da?”
It was pretty funny though.
Why on earth would a telemarketer think that it was acceptable to call someone back, after they’d made it patently obvious that they weren’t interested???
Regardless of whether he said “suckers” or “fuckers” or anything else, it’s harassment. It is behaviour such as this which has helped to encourage the contempt in which telemarketers are held.
Heeheehee… some great stuff here, thanks for the support! Forward, troops! We shall annoy them to death, or die trying! BBBBLLLLLAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!
I don’t think he was worried about what was acceptable. He was irritated. As for “suckers” vs. “fuckers,” I didn’t mean to imply that the former would be OK, I just wanted to note that he might have made a bigger impression on them than he had thought he was making.
Obviously such behavior can’t help, but I can’t imagine it’s made that big of a difference. It’s kind of like if you found out that Charles Manson cheats at Scrabble or something – how much more would that make you hate him? 
Hehehe, I’m glad I found a fellow in the war against telemarketers. I’ve been hanging out in the Reversal of The Door-To-Door Salesman Rant thread, and am glad that I am not alone in trying to hurt these companies by wasting salaried employee time.
I was woken up a couple of days ago by a telemarketer (at around 10 AM), and I was not really angry so much as incredulous. I didn’t really know what to do at first, so I just kinda got up with the portable phone in hand and listened to the guy extoll the virtues of some silly credit card and APR financing and god knows what else. I then realized that my bladder was going to blow, so I went to my bathroom, with the telephone in hand. I let out a nice long refreshing stream of piss and moaned loudly, “Aaaaaaaah.”
The telemarketer (his name was Phil), paused for a moment, and then kept on talking as the piss was doing its dive from little Windwalker to the toilet bowl. That, for some reason, caused me to smile in astonishment. I was absolutely ebullient, and said, “Oh yeah, that feels good!”
“That’s great sir,” Phil replied. “And about the interest rates…”
At this point, as the piss shiver set in and kind of woke me up some more, I decided that it was time to really play with him.
“Keep talking,” I said, interrupting him. “It’s all coming out now. I’m pissing for you, Phil.”
“Uh…” he stammered.
“Tell you what,” I said. “Are you getting aroused, because I sure am…”
“Uh, sir…”
“Do you have a big cock, Phil?”
click
I don’t think Phil will be waking me up again anytime soon…
Sure, if you value your time, then just say “Take me off your damn list” and hang up.
If you want to hurt the telemarketing companies, then waste their time any way you can. Note that I did not really waste much time, as I was multi-tasking, anyway
Rock on! Power to the TM-free people!
Windwalker- that was the best laugh I’ve had in days. Thanks so much!!! It reminds me of the time that this guy from Chemlawn kept calling me and then I would hang up on him, then he would hang up on me, etc. I called back and told them to not call back, because I don’t want their service. I told them I didn’t want their service because it would make my lawn grow faster, and I’d have to mow the damn thing, because it’s part of my lease. That chemlawn guy just kept calling back over and over. When I finally spoke to him, I asked him “What are you wearing, Pete?”
Chemlawn boy: “Well, when we stopped by to look at your lawn, we were wearing green shirts.”
Wonko: “No, I want to know what you are wearing -now-”
CB: “uhmnn… I’m wearing a cotton knit shir… Uhm… Are you interested in our service?”
WTS: “What is the shirt made of? Is it cotton, or a cotton-poly blend?”
CB: “Uh… What I need to know is are you interested in our service?”
WTS: “And I want to know what your shirt is made of!”<cheery tone>
CB: “Do you want our service, yes or no?”
Chemlawn boy was getting freaked out at this point, and he knew that I knew it.
WTS: “So you’re not going to tell me?”
I think somewhere around here, he hung up, and I burst out laughing.
They’ve -never- called back.
Have I mentioned that I’m now at war? q;}
I just got off the phone with a particularly evil brand of telemarketer… the BEST story yet… I’m so happy. q;}
Yesterday I got a phone call from a machine. I recognized the voice… it’s the same lady who does the “Somebody wants YOU to fall in love!” machine-based telemarketing shit. I knew as soon as she said “This is NOT a sales call!” that it was a sales call.
Her recorded voice goes on to tell me it’s only a survey, they’re not trying to sell me anything, all they want is for me to answer three simple questions. They proceed to ask me FOUR questions, to which I respond by pressing 1, regardless of the choices i’m given. “Thank you!” she says. “My pleasure!” I reply, and hang up, wondering how long it will be until this ‘just a survey’ turns into a sales call.
Sure enough, today the same company called me. How do I know? Their calling machine told me that someone in my household filled out a contest application and, miracle of miracles, I won! Oh boy! Amazing! What are the odds! I know it’s the same people because they TOLD me what answers I’d given… “You said you are between 25 and 70 years of age.” Uh… ok, that’s what, 80% of the population? So, I pressed 1 again, to talk to a ‘real live operator’…
And let her have it. Poor girl… it’s such a shame that innocents must suffer in warfare. At least I made it as painless as I could.
“Hello this is (girl’s name) and we’re offering you (blah blah blah)…”
“Ooooh… hello (girl’s name)… I’m glad you called…”
:::Begin heavy breathing:::
“Oh good, because my company offers (blah blah blah)”
“Yes… oh yeah… ungh… yes… yes… keep talking…”
“Well if you (blah blah blah) with us we can save you (blah blah blah)”
“Oh yes… you have a beautiful voice… ungh… (pant pant)… ungh… OH! OH YES! OOOHHH!!!”
“…and you just won our grand prize…”
“Oh… oh, that’s good… ah… (light up a cigarette, take a few puffs)”
“So I’d like to give you…”
“Oh, no thanks, that’s allright. I just got all I needed from you. Thanks. You really do have a beautiful voice.”
The girl, at this point, makes a noise which I have no idea how to describe but will remember forever, and hangs up on me.
I never thought perverted phone calls could be so much fun! And to think of all these years I’ve gone, ignoring this vast resource of amusement!
:::sitting by the phone, patiently waiting for another (Out of Area) call:::
Has anybody else heard about that guy in Minnesota that got revenge on one TM that kept calling despite the fact that he was already on the state “do not call” list and had asked them personally (and repeatedly) to be taken off the TM’s phone list?
I would post a link to this, but I’m not sure how. I found it by doing a “keyword” search (Minnesota Auto Glass) and then clicking on the “news about MAG” link. I found only one article about it, but IMO, this guy should be considered a national hero and have his face on the cover of Time Magazine!