Tell Me About Some Memorable, Positive Funerals You Have Been To

In My Humble Opinion
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I once attended a funeral, for a young person, which ran pretty much as you might imagine, mass, hymns, eulogies. It is, after all, the familiarity with the ritual that offers comfort for many.

An especially tragic and sudden loss, the eulogies were extremely touching. When the eulogies ended you could sense that the people in that church had been moved and, at the same time, transformed into one group sharing a common heartache.

At this point, and without word of explanation, they had a violinist step forward, be seated, and begin to play. I can’t really express the effect it had on that church full of mourners.

She played a beautiful piece, though I’ve no idea what it was. But it was no dirge, as it climbed and trilled it seemed to carry the unspoken voice of every broken heart. Perhaps it was the acoustics of the building, I don’t know. But the song of that lone violin seemed to fill every inch of space in the church, the effect was almost hypnotic. Brilliant afternoon light streamed through the stained glass windows and for 3, or maybe 5 minutes, we sat, tranfixed and enchanted. I’m certain the selection of the piece of music was key to it being such a remarkable experience, and by the end, the music had lifted us. All of us, together, it was so beautiful, though it was over 35yrs ago now, I have never forgotten it.

It is still difficult for me to put into words what the experience was really like.

Good luck to you, I’ll remember your family in my prayers.

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Both held at my church (Assembly of God)-

One for a truly kind classy elderly lady who died in an auto accident this past year, just a deep touching tribute to her life & her faith in the Lord- positive but solemn

Another for a short squat bearded Mennonite-turned-Charismatic pastor & Gospel singer- it rocked! The highlight was playing a tape of his singing really upbeat Gospel songs- mainly his signature song “Ain’t No Grave Gonna Hold This Body Down”. A dozen people, including his backslid son, committed themselves to Christ at the end of that service.

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For my grandmother, people told scandalous stories of her life when she was younger: how she and some friends were bored and set boxes on fire on the trolley tracks, shorting out the trolley; how she snuck out at night to visit friends; exotic vacations she had taken; etc. Most people at the funeral didn’t know these stories, so they so were fascinated, shocked, and/or amused that it didn’t seem as sad at those points.

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I’m so sorry for the hard times you are going through.

I agree with the sentiment that it just needs to be genuine. An ex of mine passed away at a very young age (early 30s) and very suddenly. He was not one for tradition, so the service was not traditional in the least. My ex looooooved Star Wars. One of the friends spoke dressed as a Jedi! They also BLASTED the Star Wars theme as everyone left the church. I mean it was freaking LOUD! It was great, we all cracked up, thinking how much he would have loved how over the top it was! We played a mix of all of his favorite songs in the breezeway afterwards, even the ones with ‘not-okay-for-church’ words. It was great. Up to that point, I thought that funerals were these painful, buttoned-up affairs. Not this one. It was as weird and crazy and unique as he was. Truly healing.

There was a table outside where people left mementos, photos, whatever reminded them of our friend (from a tent and hiking stick to rock samples to print outs of poems). People would walk past, talk about memories, swap stories, cry and laugh together, even learn something new about him. It was a great conversation starter, and seemed to show the various aspects of his life better than any one (or two or three) people could have possibly explained in a eulogy.

I think generally anything that gets people talking about the one you have lost is a good thing. I think tradition is highly overrated.