For me it was a few months ago. Hearing that The Matrix: Reloaded would be shown in IMAX theaters I decided to see it there instead of the regular theatre. So I waited a few weeks till the IMAX version arrived and then went to one of the opening shows. The theatre was pretty full of other guys whom you could easily describe of being in the “geek” persuasion (not me of course, I was the one obvious exception), who had also waited to see it there, or were just really big fans and wanted to see it again (I do not blame them, the IMAX treatment did make a big difference and was worth the expensive ticket).
Near the end of the movie:
Neo uses his l33t “The One” powers to save Trinitys life
Just as he did this I yell out “HEEE EEES THE KWISATZ HADERACH!!!”.
About half of the theatre burst out laughing. It was so cool that I was tempted to buy another ticket just so that I could try the line again (much like that Seinfeld episode with George and the laser pointer).
So, tell me about when you made the perfect joke at the perfect time.
I was visiting the grave of a relative with some of my siblings while a funeral was in progress nearby. As we searched for the headstone the funeral quietly ended. My brother nudged me and urgently gestured over his shoulder with a jerk of his head. “Zombies!” he whispered. I turned and saw a group of extremely elderly people staggering toward us in a random manner between the graves. It was a perfect re-enactment of a scene from ‘Night of the Living Dead.’
God help me for laughing (later of course) but it was the perfect joke at the perfect time.
The scene: A group campout at a State Park, where they allow booze so most of us were happily drunk by lights-out.
The setup: A group of us had been merrily reminiscing about 80’s hair bands. Bon Jovi, Poison, Warrant, that ilk. Merrily enough that we got a thorough scolding from a park ranger who was making her rounds quieting down the rowdies in the park.
The punchline: I was the appointed person for wobbling to my feet to abjectly apologize to the nice lady in the uniform, and promise nothing but meek silence until sunup. Other mouths remained resolutely shut, until she stomped off grumpily into the darkness and I called out after her:
" g’Night, Ranger ! "
Peals of laughter echoed through the forest. A ranger who hadn’t scored well on the conflict-avoidance class came charging through the bush to threaten me with banishment for the crime of Failure to Respect a Person in a Bush Hat. It was worth it.
We were sitting in a theater waiting for Matrix: Revolutions to start. The previews come up. The trailer for The Day After Tomorrow comes up.
As the trailer runs, I comment to my friends sitting next to me, “This movie has the potential to be really good or really crappy.”
Pause two beats for perfect comedic timing, at which point “From the director of Independence Day” flashes up on the screen.
Me: “Really crappy.”
Not amazingly funny, but it became hilarous because of the timing. The comment was made in complete ignorance of the movie, yet the timing of the trailer lined up perfectly with the joke. It was great.
I was at work chatting with a couple of coworkers. The boss walks by, carrying one of those big calculator-printers. One of us asks the boss what he’s doing and he says the printer is broken. So I say, “That’s what happens when things start adding up.”
My boyfriend at the time and I lived together. One day when we left our apartment, the people in the apartment across the hall were playing bongo drums. I said, “They’re riding Yoshis in their apartment.” He cracked up.
(This is, of course, referring to the fact that when you get on Yoshi in Super Mario World, bongo drums get added to the mix of the song.)
Oh, I should post my joke. Not THE best one, but MY best. Which may or may not be equal to some people’s average.
Anyway, I’m extremely short for my age. This is of course the point of many jokes from my friends and aquaintances. Which I don’t mind overmuch. But every now and again there’s just been too many too close together.
My little sister is also quite short, though not so much as myself. She saw me with a group of people in the mall once and came up. I introduced her and a regular-size member of my group took a quick look at us both and blurted out ‘Woah! Do small things run in your family?’
Me: Obvious glance at regular-sized boy’s crotch Well…do they run in yours?
Hey, it got laughs at the time. And he hasn’t cracked a hight joke at me for years. He does seem to think I fancy him though…but thats another problem.
I shared a house with a male and female friend who were engaged at the time. One night I stayed out 'til all hours and brought a full-bodied female home from a bar to spend the night.
The next morning, after the departure of my lady friend the following exchange occurred between my roommates:
She: (innocently referring to me) “You stayed out 'til the cows came home last night.”
He: “That’s right. In fact I saw one in his room.”
I guess you guys never read Dune? He was the chosen one to save the planet told of in their histories just as Neo is in the Matrix.
My perfect timing story isn’t quite a joke. I was taking a friend on an errand and we were discussing how my car sounded a bit loud and that muffler repair was in my future. She was telling me that it wasn’t that loud and I should have heard her brother’s car. As she said “it sounded more like” my muffler fell off and she deadpanned “that” and we both started laughing.
Thankfully we were 50 feet from a midas and a dunkies
It was the first 4th of July celebration after my Uncle Chuck had died the previous fall.
The party with his six married kids and their assorted children and a huge gaggle of friends and family always took place up on Lake Huron.
Uncle Chuck’s job for as long as anyone could remember was to cook all the hamburgers and hot dogs over his custom made charcoal barbeque. In fact, that is my only memory of him for every summer time celebration. Standing at the grill, sunglasses and baseball cap on. He kinda resembled Hank Hill’s neighbor, Dale the Paranoid one, only fun and kind. Great guy, that Uncle Chuck.
Anywhoo, two of his five sons decided they would continue this job of cooking over charcoal. In Honor of their Father, et all. Only chuck never really left clear instructions about prepping and how much this and how long that. Well, by 5 pm, nothing was even close to being done, except the starving family and guests who were use to grazing all afternoon long. The herd was getting peckish.
My Aunt, hearing me clang the bell for dinner ( it was my mistake, I thought the burgers were done. Fat chance) comes out with the cheese slices for cheeseburgers, only to find out her two sons are nincompoops at the grill.
The sons, seeing their mom who is hit with a wave of loss at missing her husband of 45 years, starts to break down a little in tears and they, being perfect comedians, start shaking their spatulas towards the heavans stating, " Haven’t you ever heard of propane?" and " We could use a little help here!"
I wrap my arm around my aunts shoulder, noting that she is still holding the Kraft slices and say, " This is how it always ends. The cheese stands alone."
Heh.
My cousin Don’s MIL died after a very fast bout of Ovarian cancer.
I went down to the funeral home to pay my condolences as his wife, Linda, is a great person.
I had just had my first child and was not getting many breaks from the new mommy thing, so it went from Funeral Duty to Hey-There-Is-My-Cousin kinda reunion.
Essentially, right before Linda, I had forgotten that I was at something somber and just chatting. Realizng I better say something somber and whatnot, I glanced over to the coffin to note that her mother was wearing a nice blue dress and commented, " Your Mom looks really good. That is a good color on her."
Linda smiled explaining that of all the things they talked about, what her mom would be laid out in was not apart of the funeral attire. " So, she loved that dress as I made it for her in high school…" it is from there that I lost her.
My brain started working on two different levels at the same time at warp speed:
1: Linda’s mom would actually wear a dress her daughter made for her in highschool in public and could still wear it nearly twenty plus years later. Wow, LInda had talent early on and her mom’s weight never varied.
2: What have I ever made that my mom could wear in the coffin?
I came in just as Linda was finishing whatever she was talking about and said the first part of my thoughts and then adding number two, “What would I lay my mom out in?” holding up an imaginary thing before my boobs, " Ma, how do you feel about some potholders?"
My family sees me still as a 12 year old (at least parts of my family)
A few months ago, we were redoing my bedroom, and my uncle came up to help. My dresser drawers were all scattered around, with my underwear drawer (full of Victoria Secret and such panties and bras) on the top. My uncle picks up a pair, and beings questioning why I needed such things. I shouldn’t be showing my underwear to anymore. He was actually very upset, so I looked him in his eyes, and told him “well, if my panties bother you so much, I’ll just quit wearing any”.
Maybe it wasn’t that funny, but the look on his face was priceless
I don’t golf. I hate golf. I don’t talk about things people don’t want to hear and so I don’t want to listen to other people talk about what I don’t want to hear. So there.
However, as you know, there is always someone that must share their all-time golf achievement story. (Especially if there are lots of people around). So, after this person told his “amazing” golf story I said “yeah that windmill hole can be really tricky”. Bursts of laughter from everyone.
Another benefit - people never tell golf stories when I’m around.
I don’t know that this was a perfect joke - but it was quite funny at the time. . My husband is 16 years older than I and it is impossible to forego the occasional age joke. Cruel, I know, but hey, what’s a girl to do? Anyway, one evening when my husband and I were dating, we were driving along in his car. It was a sporty little number with bucket seats. He tried to put his arm around me and found it quite uncomfortable with the seats. He said “You know what I miss about the cars from when I was young?” And there it was - the perfect opening. I couldn’t resist. I smiled sweetly at him, batted my lashes and said “Rumble seats?”
Fear not though - the man got me back and really quite better. I came in from work one evening thoroughly disgusted with one of my co-workers. It was late at night and time for bed so as I was ranting and raving and relating whatever heinous thing my co-worker had done, I was also pulling off my clothes. I look up to see my beloved watching me pace - now naked - with a dopey, half-grin on his face. I stopped and said accusingly “You don’t love me! You only want me for my body”. Without so much as a skipped beat, my husband resonded, “Honey, there are thousands of women with a better body than you.” Luckily for him, I found this very funny and laughed. Unlucky for him, I still remember it 13 years later and ask him “is she one of the thousands?” whenever I catch him looking at another woman.
My wife is a vet, we’re at dinner with friends and she brings up a funny case from that day that was new to me as well - a wiener dog that had swallowed a dime.
I asked my wife if she told the owner to keep an eye on the dogs stools and tell her if they see any change.
Booboom Tschhhhh!
Another time, at a business lunch with coworkers and clients at a hibachi restaurant. The chef flips a piece of food at me, which I catch in my mouth and eat. No big deal.
Towards the end of the meal the chef goes around the table flipping food at everybody, and nobody catches thiers. Food is bouncing off teeth, hitting eyes, etc. When he gets to me I catch it in my mouth and eat it.
The female client sat next to me exclaims that I’m good at catching food like that - I reply “it’s how my mother fed us growing up”.
