Poking around, looking for alternatives to the stodgy-old-judge-at-the-courthouse (I know they’re not ALL stodgy).
Reading up on Humanis Officiant/Humanist Celebrants.
Walking into the court house with my bride (and soon to be ex) a gentleman in an orange jumpsuit with the words 'County Jail" embroidered on his backside yells to me: “Run while you still can!”
If only I had listened.
Not at the courthouse, the judge was a friend of my father-in-law to be. He had the wrong day, it was Saturday and he was playing golf. Almost an hour late a police car with lights flashing and siren blaring pulled up in front of the hotel with him. He rattled off the traditional words so fast he was barely understandable, wouldn’t accept payment, and headed back to the golf course.
We had a friend officiate. That wasn’t a problem because Pennsylvania, at least, has had some court cases that make it pretty liberal in terms of who can officiate a marriage. Because of its Quaker roots, it’s even possible to ignore the officiant entirely and self-unite. We pieced together the ceremony from a few sources online, picked out two quotes/readings/whatever that seemed appropriate, and wrote what I think were interesting vows. I remember constructing the ceremony as being the most stressful part of planning our wedding, but I think it came out okay.
I was pushing for the Spaceballs, “Do you?” “Yes.” “Do you?” “Yes.” “You’re married!” but the whole thing was over in less than ten minutes, so close enough.
We had ours at a popular local venue that used to be the community center for a mill village - people usually have their receptions there, we booked the big room for the reception and a smaller room for the service. Had the ceremony in the round. We did have my parents’ minister do half of it (and I like her quite a bit, so that was fine and a nod to them) but we didn’t let anybody do any praying and no god talk. We were actually married by my husband’s friend, who’s a magistrate. It was a short, sweet service. We signed a Quaker wedding certificate, which we found really sweet and meaningful and all of our friends and family really liked.
ETA - we did use the traditional vowels, sans religion, because we find them meaningful. And nobody wants to hear the vows you wrote to your Schmoopy. We also chose readings that weren’t religious but were meaningful to us, sang a sweet love song, and had my husband’s musician friend write us something to walk down the aisle to. I only realized later that we accidentally had such a hipster wedding. 
Beautiful wedding at the Botanical Gardens in St Louis. Lovely ceremony, very moving, just no religion or mention of god at all. Used traditional vows- I had just defended my thesis two weeks earlier and didn’t have a brain cell left to write anything.
Do the traditional vowels include Y?
I ‘remarried’ my wife in a Quaker ceremony a few years ago to make her happy. She gave a rambling emotional speech which included her alluding to one of her friends being stupid for some reason, followed by my own little speech:
I had a brother who could officially do it for me in my state, so I had it in my parents back yard. If I didn’t have a relative or friend who could I would have hired a wedding officiant to come to my wedding and do it.
Some states allow people to become officiants for a single day in order to have the authority to marry their friends in a secular wedding. Might as well look to see if that is available where you are.
In an absolute pinch of both money and laws, the Universal Life Church allows people to become ordained ministers online for free, so that your friend or relative can then have the ability to marry you in states that don’t have the single-day exemption. (Edit: Apparently some states do not recognize the ULC so look carefully)
After that, it’s simply a matter of making some personalized wedding vows and arranging the place and party! Since we didn’t have any religious rules to follow, we made up some sappy hand-holding growing old together vows that everyone loved because the ceremony was over in 10 minutes flat (we piecemealed ideas together from online), and then we went and had a BBQ. All the wedding music was from Tchaikovsky, my parents walked themselves down the aisle, and the groom had the maid of honor while I had the best man - just about the only traditional thing we had left was the white dress, a tux, and cake.
Sometimes. 
We got married at the Ethical Culture Society on Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. It was a nice hall, which we could decorate, and it had an organ. The officiant interviewed us just before the wedding and customized the ceremony for us. It was great.
My daughter rented a B&B in a little town in Georgia (she was living in NJ) and got married there using a judge from the town, who came in his robes. It was on the grounds of the house, and so much nicer than a courthouse or office. Also great.
Vegas baby! We had our wedding in a Las Vegas wedding chapel, which was church-ish in that there are benches and colored windows, but no overt religious symbolism like a giant Jesus hanging from a cross or a star of David or anything. The officiants tend to have various types of ceremonies memorized, so we just told our officiant that we wanted a non-religious ceremony, and that was it. He made no mention of God or Xenu or anything, and I doubt anyone in attendance even noticed.
I officiated a wedding for friends (Pennsylvania). It was an outdoor wedding, on Halloween night with a sunset start in a historic cemetery. Bride, groom, and wedding party arrived in a borrowed hearse, fully costumed. They are still married (going on 17 years!).
Booked a local Park facility for the joint reception/ceremony (didn’t tell the venue it was a wedding and saved more than $500 because of that omission.) It was a lovely building with wood-beamed ceilings, a giant-ass fireplace and a whole wall of floor to ceiling French doors topped by windows looking out over woods and a river. No religious parephenalia, but still a beautiful and inspiring location.
Our second choice was a local library, surrounded by books, but that was more expensive and we were happy with the park facility.
Had the reception first and the ceremony afterwards, then an ‘afterparty’ at our house for those interested in continuing their festivity with us.
Were officially married by a relative who is a notary, and had a mutual friend act as master of ceremonies.
‘Wrote’ our vows based on traditional ones, excising religious and sexist contents.
Whole ‘ceremony’ took about ten minutes, the ‘reception’ lasted about 4 hours, the afterparty was another 4 hours, the whole event took up an entire weekend (with taking people out to dinner, getting pampered/having joint ‘last free night’ party, etc.)
It was delightful and cheap, and I loved every minute of it.
the officiant might have to be registered with the state. this might be done at any county courthouse.
In Chinese tradition – at least in tradition from my wife’s family’s corner of China where they came from – my mother-in-law presided over the ceremony. Society recognized that but not the Thai or US government. For them, we had to register with a district office in Bangkok, immediately after which, Poof! We were considered married. But we consider our anniversary to be the mother-in-law ceremony, not the registration date.
My now-SIL officiated – she is a minister of the Universal Life Church (or, as another friend calls it, the Church of the Infinite Internet) and had officiated before for other friends, and luckily Illinois really doesn’t get into the business of deciding what’s a valid religious denomination, so it wasn’t a big deal at all. There were some quasi-religious but not theologically required cultural elements included (we borrowed a friend’s chuppah, because she is an art teacher and made it herself for her own wedding, and I like the symbolism of chuppas, for example, and to me weddings should involve chuppahs), but God was not mentioned. Probably to the chagrin of my FIL, who is a retired minister and kind of assumed at first that he would officiate, although neither of us has been an active practitioner of any religion in many years, and frankly, nothing personal, but I am not a Christian and was not going to have a Christian minister officiate at my wedding, period. But it was nice to have it done by someone who meant something to us rather than by some random judge.
Anyway, we rented a local community hall and had about 100 friends and family assembled, and a fabulous time was had by all, I think.
(The funny part is that my SIL had gotten married just a few weeks before us, and her father officiated. She didn’t have to register with Illinois to marry us, but he had to register in Minnesota and show his ministerial credentials, etc. to marry her.)
Rented a place (historic house and grounds) , hire musicians and a caterer and then paid a justice of the peace to do the ceremony. I think I remember him being a Baptist but I asked him if he could do it non-religious and he did, without batting an eye. The wife wanted to change the traditional words slightly and he was cool with that too. I wouldn’t call him stodgy - he was formal and maybe a bit old fashioned but that is what we wanted - traditional without the Jesus part.
I have performed 5 secular ceremonies in Pennsylvania (one of the most liberal in wedding law) and Virginia (one of the most restrictive). In PA the Universal Life Church is good enough, while in VA you need to get a special license (and put in a $500 deposit).
The first one was Hawaiian themed and performed in a multi-acre back yard with tent and pig roast. The groom and groomsmen were in Hawaiian shirts and shorts while the bride and bridesmaids were in floral print dresses. I had on a grass skirt and shell necklace (modeled after Abe Vigoda in Joe vs the Volcano). They gave me a free reign for ceremony, so I based in on a variety wedding traditions from around the world and specifically some Hawaiian blessings. Very relaxed and everyone had a wonderful time.
I did one on a small beach where the couple got engaged. Only maybe 5 people present, so it was very short and simple.
There was one in a beautiful old ruined Mill that had been converted to an event space specifically for things like weddings. That was fully formal with tuxes a white wedding gown, etc, etc. The ceremony pulled a lot from the grooms culture (born in Poland) as well as a variety of other traditions. I think they did rings and handfasting.
Another one in a similar setting for a friend of a friend. They just downloaded a basic generic secular ceremony online that we did.
Another was in the couple’s kitchen. They had a huge party with friends, but made the ceremony the smallest part of the event. They Skyped in her family from France and it was over in about a minute. The point was the celebration here, with no formalities.
I have a friend who rented out a summer camp off season so all guest accommodations were taken care of. They had another “borrow traditions from everywhere” ceremony and the couple walked down the “aisle” hopped in a row boat and rowed out to the middle of the lake to share a glass of champagne for their first hour of being married.
I would say they all went well and were really intimate and memorable with the exception of the generic ceremony one. It just shows how many options you have available to you when you do not need to have a religious ceremony.
I suggest you find something that appeals to you and your friends and take advantage of the freedom you have.
I’m getting married in a few weeks. We rented a location from the Lions fraternal organization that has a large lawn area and a beautiful wooden clubhouse for the reception. A friend of ours is performing the service. In California, it’s extremely easy to perform a marriage. An online ordainment is sufficient, no registration of clergy with the state is required.
My bride’s family (and some of mine) are religious, so we will be having prayers and perhaps a bible reading, but in general it’s going to be pretty secular.
This weekend I’ll be writing the first draft of the ceremony.
We did the stodgy judge at the courthouse, in chambers, with a whole six guests that took six minutes (and would have taken three fewer had the judge not answered the phone in the middle of the ceremony…“Hello…Marrying people, what are you doing?” Well, maybe she wasn’t a stodgy judge, she had a sense of humor) We then had a reception that was a hundred people.