Because I had a whopper of one last night!
The SO and I were lounging, and he had just finished a small can of espresso…good stuff. Anyway, he accidentally knocks it over, and I jump to grab it. He looks at me and says, “It’s all right, it’s empty.”
I said, “There could be a drop left in it.”
Him: Picks it up, shakes it. “See? Nothing. I could even do this…” and with that he upends it over his head. And a LARGE drop of espresso falls out of the can, past his glasses, and right into his EYE!
He jumps up, 'cause I’m sure it stings and he’s very sensitive about his eyes, anyway, and yelling “My eye!” runs off to the bathroom. I’m of course laughing too hard to even go and help him. It was too perfect.
Two immediately spring to mind, both involving my SIL.
Before her wedding, she pretty much was in the Bridezilla mode of "I deserve the best’’ ( she was very kind to us Bridesmaids.) but she had to have a platinum ring.
Being an unsophisticated slouch, I had never heard of platinum rings and she showed me the brochures.
They looked exactly the same as white gold to me and I said so and, " Why don’t you just save your money and get white gold. No one will know the difference and you could put the monetary difference towards your first house instead of an apartment.?"
Naturally, I should have said this to the dog because off she goes and gets the ring and several years later I hear her whining about ’ I don’t know what I was thinking of when I got platinum. White gold looks the same. " I nearly bit my tongue off.
The other ITYS moment (and there have been many with her. She’s a work of art.) is she was running her sprinkler where it accidently touched the wall of her house with the water. (not a permanent sprinkler, but the regular lawn kind.) When you live on a well, the minerals in the water stain the masonry/wood/brick. I told her so and that all she needed to do was move the sprinkler just a little bit or she’d end up having to attempt scrubbing the crap off the wall(s). It .is.a.bitch.to.do.so.
She didn’t and years later, trying to sell their house, the rust stain alongside of the outside of the house is not attractive at all and very visible. She has to
( hasn’t done it yet) scrub it off in order to make the place more attractive. And after a year on the market, they never got one bite.
I went to South Lake Tahoe with two friends of mine to go skiing. One day we were there there was a HUGE white-out snowstowm. Big enough that the passes were closed under chain control, with National Guard to enforce it. The next day we were stir crazy and had a craving for Tamales, so we drove around the Lake on the east side to a Mexican restaurant in Trukee.
My friends are sweet but the husband is one of those people who has to be the World’s Leading Expert in Everything.
As we began the drive home, he asked our opinion: should we drive back the way we came or go the other way round the lake (to the west). I said that considering the storm, we should go back the way we came, since we knew it was open and safe for our non-4wd vehicle.
He smirked and said that my answer “said something about me” and decided to go the other way. We drove for 20 minutes and then we came to a blockade: Road Closed - Avalanche Hazard.
We had to turn around and go back the way we came.
My wife and I had just gotten a couple cups of coffee and were driving to a drugstore so I could look for some stupid little thing we wanted. I suggested that she park in a spot instead of waiting in the fire lane since she wouldn’t be able to move the car without spilling the coffee (our car has no cupholders). She says it’ll be fine, just put the cup here in the console. So I do, and she puts the car in park, conveniently knocking over my coffee cup in the process.
Shoulda just taken the dumb thing with me into the store.
My wife and I had just gotten a couple cups of coffee and were driving to a drugstore so I could look for some stupid little thing we wanted. I suggested that she park in a spot instead of waiting in the fire lane since she wouldn’t be able to move the car without spilling the coffee (our car has no cupholders). She says it’ll be fine, just put the cup here in the console. So I do, and she puts the car in park, conveniently knocking over my coffee cup in the process.
Shoulda just taken the dumb thing with me into the store.
I was making a model after school with my friend Jeff. I was using the hot glue gun and he was positioning the pieces. I squirted out some glue, and he asked me to smooth it out with my finger so it wouldn’t make the piece crooked. I, of course, declined to do so. Jeff reached out to smooth out the glue, saying as he did, “Oh, it can’t be that hot OW!” He got a blister on his finger the size of a lima bean.
Oh, boy. I was, I think, 10 years old and had a brand-new fascist stern strict ass of a stepfather. He decided to build a set of bunkbeds for my sister and I and started to assemble it all in the yard outside. As he’s putting the screws in I ask “are you sure that will fit in through the front door?” He whips around and glares at me and makes one of those “not another word or I’ll whup you upside the head” gestures, so I shut up. So naturally. . . sigh.
My father-in-law seemed convinced that I was a serial murderer and a con artist and worse. See, I was in Canada and his daughter was down here, and there is an age difference. He thought the worst. I tried to convince him of the purity of my intentions, to no avail. He figured we’d be living in a trailer.
Well, no such luck, bub. We did this together, she and I. My wife is no dummy. We are having a very nice life now, nine years later. I told him that I really did love her very much, and I meant it, otherwise why would I be going through all this? There have been no problems or arguments and I haven’t treated her badly. I have been a good husband. I have only served to prove his initial assumptions wrong. But I’ve never said anything about it. And I guess I never will.
1.) My best friend and I had a falling out in High school. A mutual friend (whom I had a crush on at the time) got us talking to each other again 2 years later. Shock ensues when I find out my former-and-reunited-best-friend is dating her. At first I was jealous, but I tried to get over it for the sake of my friendship. Several months later my friend’s girlfriend is getting rather chummy with her ex-boyfriend. She says she’s still ‘friends’ with him, and my best friend believes her. However, I am extremely suspicious- Whether they are just ‘friends’ or not, it seems odd when she is frequently going over to his apartment and spending the night. Whenever she is mad/they have a fight, she runs to her ex-boyfriend. I warn my friend (when she ditched him on Valentine’s day to visit her ex) that she is probably cheating on him with her ex boyfriend. He doesn’t believe me. Later on he finds out and is very distrought about the whole thing…during a late-night meal at Denny’s he asks me if I ever knew anything about it. I told him I kept trying to warn him, but felt that if I pressed to hard about the issue he might think I was making it up because I was jealous of his relationship. Lose-lose situation for him, unfortunately.
2.) My girlfriend and I want to move in together, but she still has to finish school, I have to find a second job, and we have to find an apartment. There are a lot of unknowns in this equation (can I find another job? Can she find a job? Can we get an apartment we can afford?), and I have been fretting about it for several months, spelling out how much we will probably be paying in rent, utilitites, bills, etc. and how much both of us would have to make in a month to afford this. She seemed really positive about it. Then she had a talk with her dad about it, and suddenly she is worried we won’t be able to afford it, how’s she going to find a job that pays enough and still have time to finish college, etc. :smack:
It was the end of my Sophomore year at Tulane. I was going to stay in New Orleans for the summer and my now wife was flying back to Boston. We loaded up my wife’s stuff in the back of my truck. It included these three gigantic duffle bags full of mostly clothes that literally weighed over 100 pounds a piece. We had to stop by her sorority house to do something. I said that we should take the stuff in. She insisted that they were fine because they were so heavy. We went outside and I started getting nervous and peaking out of the window every few minutes to look at the truck. We got into a fight about it and I bolted for the door, walked over to the truck and noticed that the load was a lot smaller. Two of the duffle bags were gone. I have no idea how or why anyone would take them.
My wife will literally get tears in her eyes if you mention all the things she lost that night.
My girlfriend-at-the-time and I were going to go traveling for a month. To pay her bills for that month she wanted to send post-dated checks and arrange to have them cashed when the payment came due. I suggested she overpay her current month’s bills and arrange to have half credited to the month we’d be gone, or possibly use cashier’s checks or money orders. She took offense and told me that she kept a running balance every time she wrote a check, so there was no chance she could bounce a check.
When we got back from our travels, all the checks had bounced.
I needed to move from Wisconsin to Florida, to my dad’s house. I had a small 1BR apartment worth of stuff to bring back, just enough to cram into my aging, crappily engineered car. I was concerned about the trip, and told my dad I really didn’t think it was a good idea to drive it all that way, and I’d rather sell the car in Wisconsin and rent a truck. He said give it a shot.
R.I.P. Deathmobile (the car’s nickname), last seen in a junkyard in South Carolina. It died on I-95, not worth fixing, sold it to a junkyard and rented a u-haul with the proceeds, loaded my stuff in a motel parking lot. Way to go, Dad, sure I’ll give the drive a shot. :-p
I have a friend* who can’t draw. I don’t mean that in a mean way, she’s just not very good. She continually tells me that she’s not very good at drawing, as if that will make her better at it. :rolleyes: One day she gets the idea that since all the artists she likes draw with Photoshop and a tablet, then if she gets Photoshop and a tablet she’ll magically gain drawing skills. I told her as tactfully as I could that maybe she should practise with traditional media first but no, that’s BORING. So off she goes to buy an Intuos 3 (which I would have killed for, since my tablet is a Graphire 3 but never mind that) and Photoshop CS (which I would also like to have, but hey, she’s rich and I’m poor). It costs her over $1000. Two weeks later she realises that hey, drawing with a tablet is harder than drawing with a pencil, she doesn’t know how to use Photoshop and her favouritest artist in the world only has an Intuos 2. For some reason, that last fact is massively upsetting to her. She stashes her tablet under her bed and never touches it again. I still want it. Dammit.
Not really a friend, more like a classmate I happen to see fairly often