I’ll start you off:
Tony Orlando was born in Houston, Texas, and Angelica Huston was born in Orlando, Florida.
All rivers flow south. When all of that water reaches Antarctica, it enters a vast tunnel through the center of the Earth, where it comes out at the north magnetic pole.
The term “wax the tadpole” comes from a curious Victorian-era practice. It was considered a sign of social status to have one’s tadpoles looking just so when visitors came calling.
I’m not wearing pants.
I am.
The geographic center of the earth lies in Zanzabar, in the old bazaar, booth 12-F, which ironically has always sold globes.
Paradoxically, because of the unstable iron core, the magnetic pole of the moon is 12 miles above it and accumulates space junk like steel bolts and c-ration tins
The last clown in a crowded minicar is required to have a chauffeur license.
No man is an island, but several women are isthmuses.
Teddy Roosevelt was named after his mother’s favorite lingerie
isthmi
isthnot!
Our North Star (Polaris), is also some extra terrestrial’s South Star. Yet, the people for whom Polaris is their home star have neither a north or a south star. Their axis does point toward the center of the universe, however, but no one knows it because there isn’t supposed to be such a thing.
I’ve had sex with Jessica Alba. Several times on different occasions.
Ironically, judging from certain interviews, she seems as though she was quite fond of going to bed with random guys from clubs. Making my claim not as dubious as possible. Wink wink.
Brainiac you’re my new favorite Doper
Friday the 13th is unlucky only in February. Otherwise it’s fine.
A Kodiak bear can smell food up to ten miles away.
If you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
A cat can make over a hundred different sounds.
A newborn baby doesn’t have kneecaps.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
An oak trebuchet once threw 173 woodchucks a distance of 489 feet, thus proving how many woodchucks wood can chuck when wood can chuck woodchucks.
If you kill a rattlesnake, it’s mate will come looking for you. It’ll actually stalk you until the day it finds you, and it’ll kill you.
Neither Michael Jackson nor Farrah Fawcett are dead. They fell in love a couple years back and started planning their great escape from fame- now they live in a shack and sell craftworks in Paraguay, together forever.
There’s an all-powerful, all-knowing presence in the atmosphere, that cares about and controls what happens to us in life, based on how much we confess our crimes against humanity, how much we donate to religious institutions, and how much we “talk” to him with our hands folded together pointing upwards. Nah, that just sounds too ridiculous even for a game…
In North America, along what is the border of Oregon and Washington, is a small shed off of the highway and in the woods. Within is a spiral staircase made of grating, which descends straight down. If you walk all of the way down, you’ll find yourself stepping out into an endless field of tall grass. There are many bones surrounding the bottom step of the stairs, and things move in the near distance. No one who has seen these things has come back to say what they are.
There’s a small, inconspicuous building called “Padraic Willoughsby and Co.” in the industrial district of Birmingham, UK. Its doors are locked and the windows are draped. However, on February 29th of every leap year, there will be a small plastic container outside the front door containing business cards. On the front of the card it says in large capital letters, “PADRAIC WILLOUGHSBY AND CO. ENGLAND’S THAUMATURGICAL SPECIALISTS”. On the back, in nearly illegibly small type, it says “The blood of the innocent.” Any night after midnight one can come to Paidraic Willoughsby and Co. and slide their card through the door. The door will instantly unlock. Inside there is an empty room with white walls. No light reaches this room, except for a small sliver from the other end of the room. When you approach this room you will find that it is actually another door. When you knock on it, a voice will ask “What makes a man become exalted?” If you respond with the phrase on the back of the card, the door will open and you will come into another room. Inside it you will find around five or more people, depending on the night, sitting around smoking and drinking brandy, all in late Edwardian dress. There is absolutely no conversation at all in this room and it is nearly silent except for the phonograph which plays the exact same record continually. If you attempt to speak to one of the patrons, they will promptly ignore you and pretend as if you were not there. Towards the south wing of the room you will find a large, round table, slightly different from the others. On it will be a quill pen and a document. The document shows your personal information: name, birth date, place of residence, criminal record, greatest fears, and more. At the bottom of the document is a long line that asks for your signature.
If you are watching television, and the signal cuts out to static, turn the TV off immediately. Sometimes, if you watch the static on TV for long enough, the static will suddenly pause. All sound in the room will cease; even the white noise of the TV itself will disappear. If this happens you must not look away from the screen. You will probably not notice at the time, before you lose your gaze on the TV, your body will freeze as well. Time around and with you have paused completely. Specks of the black and white dots slowly come to life, creeping slowly in seemingly random directions. Not static as you know it, but organizing themselves into a moving picture again in front of you. As the static returns to normal, and the white noise of the TV comes back, you will regain control of your body. You must never watch that television again. It will only play static, even when unplugged. If you watch the static any longer, these same events will reoccur, but with disastrous results. What exactly happens is unknown, as it is obvious that anyone that has been unfortunate enough to experience this has disappeared. It is rumored that if one continues to watch the static again, or during their experience, looks away, the white and black specs will slowly start to move again, but you will not. Your eyes will then be permanently fixated on the screen as you watch the picture come back to life, and what seems to be your station’s signal return. You learn soon this is not the case, as all sound is still absent, and the picture on the TV shows a familiar surrounding: the room in which you sit. The only thing you see next is movement on the TV, as you see yourself from behind, and subsequently, the cause of your disappearance.
There’s a dark forest deep in the heart of the Rockies, surrounded on all sides by mountains. In the center of the forest is a lake on the shores of which you will find a large black stone. If you swim out into the center of the lake, the stone will drag you down into the darkness. You will emerge from shadows in the alley of a frightening dark city of heavily arched roofs and buildings built on stilts. You must not talk to a single citizen of this city, or you shall be trapped there forever. The citizenry is horrid and mutated, and they will leer and curse at you, and their hideous and deformed women shall offer you unknown and horrible lewdness. At the edge of this city is a highway. Walk down the left side of the road against traffic, with your thumb out, and a man in a dark truck shall pick you up and drive you back the way you came. The city will be gone, and he will take you to any place on Earth as long as you can name it and there’s a road there.
There are seven words in every Gideon’s, hotel Bible, which that can’t be found in any other bible. If you repeat those seven words to yourself while grasping the doorknob to your room, the door will open to any hotel room in the world. Of course, if you want to control where you’re going, you’ll need to know the Gideon’s Key - one more inserted word, unique to each copy, which acts as an index for each room.
A secret society meets once every three years at a small diner in West Virginia. To join, you must come to the American Grill diner located in Cricket at 9:30 PM on September the twenty-first. The only uniform is a heavy overcoat and a green tie. Order an “Eggs and bacon platter with coffee.” The waiter will tell you that the breakfast menu is unavailable. Reply, “Well, just the coffee then.” You’ll be allowed to stay after closing time for the meet. The meeting itself is a meeting of minds and philosophy regarding immortality. The society is called “The Socratic Method.” They hoist their mugs at the beginning and end of the meeting and say “Death to Socrates.” It’s rumored a little hemlock is added to the first cup, and an antidote to the last.
If you wait at any given train station and keep watching a train will show up that is not on the train schedule. If you get on the train you will find that the inside of the train, despite what the train looks like on the outside the inside will be very elegant and old fashioned. The train is full of other passengers dressed very fancy and in an old fashion. There will be waitresses and waiters that will serve you. When the train makes a stop, you must get off then and there.
After you get off the train you will be in another train station, completely empty and decrepit. A man with a pocket-watch hanging by a chain will come up to you and simply say “you are late”. At this point you must apologize for being late, then blame the train. You must not respond in any way other then this.
He will hand you his pocket-watch. By merely holding this watch you will be able to go to any train station. Once there, a train will arrive that can take you to any train station in any time or location that you desire. However, should you forget to wind the watch and it ever stop, never take that train again.
If you do, you will arrive in the train station once again with that man who gave you the watch-and this time he will not bother asking any questions.
There is a village somewhere in England that has not been inhabited for over twenty years. It has long since been forgotten off of most maps, and only has one road in and out of it. If you manage to find it, it will seem a peaceable enough place, the derelict buildings being overgrown and nature taking back the land for herself. However somewhere within the village is a vending machine which still has power. it will still have it’s original look and sell ordinary brands of drink, but with extremely old packaging. Pay only in 0.10 pieces to buy this drink. When you recieve it, before drinking it, peer inside the can to check it’s colour. If it is green, drink heartily as it will give you an unnaturally long lifespan and good luck in everything you do. If it is red, however, it will spread a horrific pestilence over you, claiming one of your senses every ten years after you drink it.
At the edge of the Pacific Ocean, on an abandoned beach in the tropics, there is a large, smooth rock that sits just beyond the reach of the highest tides. It is not cracked or marked in any way and the smooth black stone reflects even the faintest of light. It’s curved and formed in just such a way that if you are very careful, you can climb on top of it from the side, and stand on a flat area at the top. If you stand on the rock when the moon is full and shining and the water is at its highest point, you can see something in the sea below you. It will become brighter and easier to see. If you dive towards the shining object, there will be no splash, no sound; you simply disappear into the ocean. No one knows what happens after you disappear. Some come back, appearing somewhere else on earth, after what seemed to them a lifetime, but was only one day.
If you kill a person of the same gender at midwinter and then bathe in their blood two days later, you will live as long as the other person would have lived if you hadn’t killed him. Bathing in the blood of another gender will kill you and bring the person you killed back to life for as long as you would have lived.
Everyone has a ceramic egg, waiting to be found.
In the most deserted part of Wyoming, there is a restaurant. There are no roads leading to it and no signs advertising it. Upon walking inside, you will see that the entire place appears to be lost in the nine-teen-fifties, in every respect. Take a seat. When the waitress comes to get your order, make it a cheeseburger with mashed potatoes. Afterwards, a red-haired lady should ask you to dance to a tune on the juke-box. Find the song on it that has the same number as your current age, pick it, then dance. When the song ends, a flash of light with engulf the whole scene, and you will be standing outside your home the following morning. You now should have the power of clairvoyance for the remaining year.
Rumor has it that every Halloween during the hours of Two AM and Five AM, there exists a void. You must stand in front of a mirror in a pitch black room with your gaze fixated on the mirror. If you remain in the room when the moment arrives, you will feel a chill seize your body. Place your right hand on the mirror and whisper “I accept.” If done correctly, in the mirror there will be a faint image of a fleshless infant with empty eyes. He will stare directly into your soul and you will hear the buzzing of flies and nervous whispering. You will not be able to make out the image in the mirror but you will be filled with unspeakable terror. The infant will ask you five questions about events that have occurred within your life. His voice will sound like the rubbing of sandpaper and will be devoid of all emotion. For each question that you answer incorrectly, one of your five senses will be consumed. For each question that is answered correctly, you will be able to recite the name of someone you know. That person will be found dead the next morning, after a night of unimaginable horror, with their flesh removed and their eyes missing.
G. W. Bush’s problems with English stem from the fact that his first language is actually Hittite. As Director of the CIA, Bush Sr. implanted DNA from the Hittite warlord Suppiluliuma I into the growing fetus and raised him to despise his ancient Assyrian enemies. This, by the way, is the real reason for the Iraq War.
Prostitution was not invented by humans, but by orangutans in Borneo. The females exchange sexual favors for food.
The face people see in the stump in Stockton, California isn’t actually Michael Jackson. It’s Leonard Filbertson, a fisherman in Wales.
There’s a species of “flying squirrel” in Ontario that can actually lift off the ground by whirling its tail like a helicopter rotor.
Argent Towers: That creepypasta is delicious!
Spark plugs have been found in deep coal mines. Even ones where no vehicles that use spark plugs have ever been. Mercury dimes, contrariwise, are often found encased in diamonds, but only in diamonds found in Africa.
There is a frequency that isn’t even mentioned by the FCC. It’s a few hundred kilohertz above the FM band and it’s precisely 200 kHz wide. No radio made after 1963 will tune it in; they’ll all jump to a frequency just higher or just lower than the unnamed band. People who’ve written to the FCC requesting information about this are referred to an obscure office in Harvard that has been abandoned since 1958.
The little plastic covers on the end of laces are called aglets. Their purpose is sinister.
Picking violets in the state of Illinois is a Federal offense. Enforcement of this class-three felony is the responsibility of the General Accounting Office.
I didn’t make that stuff up; it’s from a list of “life easter eggs.”
He’s a peninsula.
How the hell did I end up on gullible.info??
It seems entirely appropriate that the thread above this one, at this moment, is:
Michael Jackson back at Neverland ranch… in ghost form.