Tell me tales of relationships with a huge age difference

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=drpepper]
Manda JO, you can take this as a compliment: from your posts I would have easily pegged you as mid-forties or older; your posts always exude an incredible degree of maturity and worldly experience.
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Me too. Hell, I thought she had to be at least 80. :wink: Definitely a wise lady.

There was a May-December relationship in my family. My great-aunt Amelia married a teenage boy when she was in her 70’s. The story is that he left her after she bought him a bicycle.

A classmate in junior high married a guy in his 40’s. She might have been 15. She was mature for her age, from a very poor family (transient farm workers or peddlers, I think), and he was a widowed farmer.

22

[QUOTE=Rascal’s Mom]
Wait… they didn’t marry each other after all that time? Did I miss something?
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They didn’t marry. As with all break ups there were many issues. My friend fell in love with someone he saw as young, fresh, innocent. Over the years they dated, she changed a lot–as one does between 18 and 23. She fell in love with someone she saw as sophisticated, mature. As she changed, she came to find it confining. She wanted more freedom and more excitement. We are talking over 30 years age difference.

23

My sister, at the age of 26, married a man who was 49. They are still together nearly 34 years later. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s the youngest 82-year-old man I’ve ever met, both physically and mentally.

I have an acquaintance (a relative of a relative) who married the daughter of one of his friends when he was somewhere in his late 30s and she was about twenty. I have no idea how that worked out; I’ve never cared enough to ask.

24

[QUOTE=AuntiePam]
There was a May-December relationship in my family. My great-aunt Amelia married a teenage boy when she was in her 70’s. The story is that he left her after she bought him a bicycle.

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Dumb kid! I would have held out for a scooter! :stuck_out_tongue:

25

You’re seriously considering six years to be a huge age difference? In that case, my husband was six and half years younger than me. I don’t think the age difference had anything to do with anything, but then, we were adults when we met.

26

[QUOTE=Gala Matrix Fire]
You’re seriously considering six years to be a huge age difference? In that case, my husband was six and half years younger than me. I don’t think the age difference had anything to do with anything, but then, we were adults when we met.
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No, I don’t. I was saying that other people have when I told them about the couple in question. So, I was seeing if that was a widely held opinion, since the story I’m writing involves a truly significant age difference. (As in a, “If they think that’s bad, what will they think of this?!” sort of thing.) I am happy to see that I must have just talked to some really reactionary people.

27

meenie7, I don’t think the age difference freaks people out so much – it’s when the attraction was formed, how long the older man has known the younger woman. If he’s watched her grow up, that’s when it’s kinda creepy.

28

I wish youtube had the clip from Roseanne…Dan’s father marries Crystal. Dan says something like, “Who would have imagined that little Crystal would later marry him? You didn’t imagine that, did you dad?”

29

[QUOTE=AuntiePam]
meenie7, I don’t think the age difference freaks people out so much – it’s when the attraction was formed, how long the older man has known the younger woman. If he’s watched her grow up, that’s when it’s kinda creepy.
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Yeah, that seems to be the thing. I have to admit that the sort of situation in my book would creep me out a little if I heard about it in real life, because I would have no way to know whether the little girl really loved the older man back on her own free will or if he was manipulating her. I hope to make it a positive thing in the story though, since she is just as in love with him as he is with her, from the age of 3 or 4 on.

30

[QUOTE=meenie7]
Yeah, that seems to be the thing. I have to admit that the sort of situation in my book would creep me out a little if I heard about it in real life, because I would have no way to know whether the little girl really loved the older man back on her own free will or if he was manipulating her. I hope to make it a positive thing in the story though, since she is just as in love with him as he is with her, from the age of 3 or 4 on.
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Ah, the “Sven Jolly” effect.

First, how does the guy have such sweeping access to the girl that he can brainwash her for all those years?

Second, I don’t imagine most guys would have the patience to wait years to reap that benefit, which may never come. I’m sure there are girls who become women who would automatically say, “Not just no, but hell no: it would be like kissing my dad!”

Third, life happens. Her personality may be unrecognizable after puberty and high school. Meanwhile she starts dating boys her own age and that older man was “just a silly crush.” Or he meets a grown woman and marries her.

Some (most? all?) o’ you dopers have seen pictures of your SO as a child. Any warm fuzzies when you look at the images? “Ah, there’s that big smile I love, even when (s)he was only six!” Why this apparent assumption that a man couldn’t appreciate her non-sexual qualities like sweetness, especially considering the jaded and cynical grown women he meets?

The argument works both ways, of course…but people are less accepting of the older woman/younger man scenario so it has been less commonly found.

31

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
Ah, the “Sven Jolly” effect.
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I don’t know what this means. :frowning:

It’s not brainwashing. That’s pretty insulting, actually, since he loves her with all his heart. (Good thing he’s not real…but I am and it makes me sad to think that someone thinks that of my Christophe.) He has access to her because he lives next door to her and her mother, and is a family friend. He also helps her mother homeschool her in science and French, since he is a scientist and a native French speaker. They spend a lot of time alone together in the woods looking at plants and animals and in his little home laboratory for her lessons.

Indeed. Good thing that doesn’t happen to Christophe and Isabelle, or I wouldn’t have a story. :slight_smile:

This is definitely a concern, but it doesn’t happen here. And, in this case, she is unlikely to date boys her age, since she doesn’t know any, and he is unlikely to marry another woman, since he’s mostly gay (she’s the only girl he’s ever liked) or for that matter, another man, since they’re hiding out from people who want to hurt them and he doesn’t have interaction with anyone except Isabelle, her mom Cecilia, and his friend Marie-Elise, on whose property they all live.

This is just what Christophe does when she’s little – he loves her sweetness and happy nature. She makes him happy in the wake of the awful tragedy that precedes this story and is the reason they’re all in hiding. And as she grows, he loves her more and more because she happens to mature into a person he gets along with really well as an equal.

32

[QUOTE=meenie7]
I don’t know what this means. :frowning:
[/QUOTE]

Svengali.

33

[QUOTE=meenie7]
I don’t know what this means. :frowning:
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There’s an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine mispronounces “Svengali.”

[QUOTE=meenie7]
It’s not brainwashing. That’s pretty insulting, actually, since he loves her with all his heart. (Good thing he’s not real…but I am and it makes me sad to think that someone thinks that of my Christophe.) He has access to her because he lives next door to her and her mother, and is a family friend. He also helps her mother homeschool her in science and French, since he is a scientist and a native French speaker. They spend a lot of time alone together in the woods looking at plants and animals and in his little home laboratory for her lessons.
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That’s not what I meant. I’m saying that people seem to assume in these situations that the older man or woman could somehow mesmerize the younger person with some sort of spell that lasts for 10 or 15 years, till they’re old enough to be married. How would it even be possible to do that?

[QUOTE=meenie7]
Indeed. Good thing that doesn’t happen to Christophe and Isabelle, or I wouldn’t have a story. :slight_smile:

This is definitely a concern, but it doesn’t happen here. And, in this case, she is unlikely to date boys her age, since she doesn’t know any, and he is unlikely to marry another woman, since he’s mostly gay (she’s the only girl he’s ever liked) or for that matter, another man, since they’re hiding out from people who want to hurt them and he doesn’t have interaction with anyone except Isabelle, her mom Cecilia, and his friend Marie-Elise, on whose property they all live.

This is just what Christophe does when she’s little – he loves her sweetness and happy nature. She makes him happy in the wake of the awful tragedy that precedes this story and is the reason they’re all in hiding. And as she grows, he loves her more and more because she happens to mature into a person he gets along with really well as an equal.
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To me, there are two sources of attraction.

One is sexual. If I see a woman with a pretty face, curves I like, etc. then I’d think about her sexually.

The other is based on personality. A woman with a nice smile or a great sense of humor makes me want to be around her. It doesn’t mean the feeling is sexual.

I think people are afraid that the older person is responding to sexual feelings for someone who is too young, but the older person may be responding to personality traits. Again, that doesn’t have to equal sexual attraction.

But suppose the younger person grows up and fate would have it that both are unattached. Friendship is the best basis for a relationship, IMO. I’m sure there would be all kinds of potential pitfalls, but if they’re adults and choose to try, that’s their prerogative.

34

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]

That’s not what I meant. I’m saying that people seem to assume in these situations that the older man or woman could somehow mesmerize the younger person with some sort of spell that lasts for 10 or 15 years, till they’re old enough to be married. How would it even be possible to do that?

[/QUOTE]

Ah, okay…you were agreeing with me and I didn’t realize it :slight_smile:

Sorry bout that.

Yep, I find that really silly too.

35

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]

To me, there are two sources of attraction.

One is sexual. If I see a woman with a pretty face, curves I like, etc. then I’d think about her sexually.

The other is based on personality. A woman with a nice smile or a great sense of humor makes me want to be around her. It doesn’t mean the feeling is sexual.

I think people are afraid that the older person is responding to sexual feelings for someone who is too young, but the older person may be responding to personality traits. Again, that doesn’t have to equal sexual attraction.

But suppose the younger person grows up and fate would have it that both are unattached. Friendship is the best basis for a relationship, IMO. I’m sure there would be all kinds of potential pitfalls, but if they’re adults and choose to try, that’s their prerogative.
[/QUOTE]

Yep…he’s definitely attracted to Isabelle’s personality…just the sweet innocence and charmingness of her youth at first, but then to her sense of humor, her generosity, etc. as she grows. :slight_smile:

36

My grandmother’s first husband had her on his knee when she was a toddler and said “I’m going to marry her.” I’m not sure how much older he was than she - 14 or 15 years at least.

I don’t think this was nearly as creepy 75 years ago as it is now.

37

[QUOTE=meenie7]
Ah, okay…you were agreeing with me and I didn’t realize it :slight_smile:

Sorry bout that.

Yep, I find that really silly too.
[/QUOTE]

My bad. I should have written in more clearly. :wink:

38

I’m finding this thread very interesting, and would like to encourage more people to give their stories, because I’m also writing a story (well, actually a comic) involving two people with big age differences (although not nearly as large as meenie’s) He’s about 20-25 years older than her (I haven’t quite pinned down the timeline), although he doesn’t look that old (gotta love comic book science). And he met her when she was 15 (he would’ve been about 40 and looked in his thirties). They don’t sleep together until she was 18. And get married several years after that.

39

[QUOTE=Silver Tyger Girl]
I’m finding this thread very interesting, and would like to encourage more people to give their stories, because I’m also writing a story (well, actually a comic) involving two people with big age differences (although not nearly as large as meenie’s) He’s about 20-25 years older than her (I haven’t quite pinned down the timeline), although he doesn’t look that old (gotta love comic book science). And he met her when she was 15 (he would’ve been about 40 and looked in his thirties). They don’t sleep together until she was 18. And get married several years after that.
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Speaking a priori, I would assume that the older guy/younger girl thing would hit a number of snags. I remember being 21…that’s where you’re out partying all the time and you’re not really sure what direction your life is going to take with regard to family, career etc. The older me is happy enough to chill, sit at home; I’m starting to think more about retirement. I never had kids and I don’t think I want to start a family now; many guys would probably think, ‘Ugh, not 2 AM feedings again!’ Meanwhile, imagine the dinner parties: her friends and his friends at the same table?

Long-term, if he retires at 70, she’s only 45…but I guess some would say it’s the quality, not the quantity.

40

[QUOTE=Siam Sam]
Also, I had one grandfather who was born in 1876. He had my father late in life. Married late, too, apparently, because I think my grandmother (his wife) was born when he was in his mid-20s. They got married when she was around 18 or 20, so he would have been about mid-40s at the time.
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I’ve often wondered about the story behind that. They both came from the same small community in upstate New York. My grandfather graduated from Columbia University and was apparently living in New York City as a young adult. I wonder if my grandmother was the proverbial girl next door and he had his eye on her when he went back home for visits.