Yes, dear.
Regards,
Shodan
olives, my husband and I are the same way. He gets accused of being whipped - and he’s NOT! He doesn’t WANT to go out without me - hell, sometimes I wish he WOULD!! It irks me to no end that people assume something about us that just isn’t true.
I know a lot. It depresses the hell out of me and I try to think of them as having made their own choices and their own beds, but it does hurt to lose friends because the spouse doesn’t know how to share.
I also get accused of making the SO stay home, but it’s his choice. You can pile me on with the :dubious: about guys’ claims of whippage.
Hang on, who’s being sexist here? If anybody had this about women in unhealthy relationships they’d be pilloried for it, and rightly so.
'im indoors rarely goes anywhere without me. This last weekend he went to a Chinese cookery masterclass at the local catering college…because I was going to be away with my mother for the weekend.
I’ve never stopped him going out with his friends, I’ve never said I want him to stay at home with me. I’d love it if he went out and left me home by myself. The wine, candles, Lush-scented bath and cuddlesome cats are beckoning - but such things cannot be properly enjoyed when he’s in the next room fulminating about something to do with World of Soddin’ Warcraft.
So, no, he’s not ‘whipped’. He never has been. He. just. won’t. go. out.
In keeping with the heteronormativity implied so far …
I know lots of guys who are too chicken to stand up to their friends and say “I’d rather hang out with my lady than spend another Saturday night drinking beer and playing video games with you boors,” so they act helpless and whipped in order to do what they wanted to do anyway. (The women in question don’t care if they drink beer with the guys.)
It’s also common for men to abandon their quite reasonable relationship responsibilities (being where he said he’d be at an appointed time; doing what he said he’d do, etc), and paint his partner as “nagging” and his situation as “whipped” when she expects him to live up to them.
I’ve dated a couple of guys who are clearly at their most comfortable being whipped, and did their very best to disguise their spine from me, and put their leash in my hand. They played passive-aggressive games because it seemed to be the only way they could feel loved. They refused to stand up for themselves, despite my urging for them to do so. (Phrases like “whatever you say, dear” makes me want to punch someone.) Suffice it to say those relationships didn’t last long, but they ended up happy because they could complain to their friends about what a psycho bitch I was.
I strongly object to the use of the word “whipped” in place of the word “spineless,” because it misrepresents the source of the problem - i.e. it implies that the woman is the whipper, and the man simply the victim. This does no favours for either the woman or the man. Nobody gets themselves into that position unless they want to.
I got dumped by my best friend of a decade when her boyfriend decided I was a “bad influence”. I used to be mad about it, but then I decided I don’t need the weak.
ETA - a clear example of the opposite of the hetero norm. Which looked abusive from where I was standing, but on the other hand that could just be because it didn’t fit the normal gender roles - a man is henpecked but a woman is abused?
My coworker is forbidden to go to strip clubs ever. Not even for our boss’s bachelor party. He goes anyway and then I have to try and play along with his elaborate deception, not knowing what the fuck either of them are talking about.
My college roomate apparently was not able to invite half of his friends, many of whom he’s known since college because his wife never met them.
Another college friend married a Russian stripper and now she and her mom sit around the house all day not working and not helping to take care of anything.
Actually, the reoccurring theme with a group of my college friends is they marry some pretty Italian or Jewish princess who pressures them to buy a house they can barely afford, turns into a total bitch and forbids them to hang out with their friends. And it isn’t a case of sour grapes that I don’t see my married friends anymore. On occassion when we do get together, their wives arem in fact, snotty and bitchy to everyone. And on many occassions, these guys try to set something up, only to have it mysteriously cancelled at the last minute. Oh well. I hope their happy.
How about you go find yourself out of it then? I’m sure there’s plenty of “why won’t he call” threads you can participate in.
Same here, though I’m not sure people accuse him of being ‘whipped.’ But I actually welcome him using me as an excuse not to go to parties, events ‘Oh I’d love to go, I really would. But the little lady, she’s having none of it.’ I do the same thing.
I’ve only known one person who was truly whipped. Her dad had a leather Indian Jones-style whip and used it on her and her mother. This was in the 1990s, in the suburbs.
I had a friend who claimed to be pussywhipped.
He would constantly agree to do stuff, then call at the last minute and cancel because his girlfriend (then fiancée, then wife) didn’t want to, or was sick, or was sad and needed comforting, bla bla. I thought she was a terrible bitch.
Then I met her, and I realised that she was tough as old boots, and it was actually he who was being the pussy, and he was using her as an excuse. Sometimes he didn’t even mention the social event that he’d agreed to, to her attention - just bailed, and blamed her.
We’re not friends any more.
While some guys obviously do get into relationships with controlling or parasitic women, I do think there’s also a lot of guys who get accused of being pussy whipped just because they grow and mature a little bit and start prioritizing a home life and a relationship over going out and partying with their mateless, loser friends.
I got accused of that sometimes if I declined an invitation to a strip club or go bar-hopping when the truth was that I just didn’t want to do that stuff anymore. I had grown out of it. My wife (who was a live-in girlfriend for a few years before that)has never been controlling with me or tried to forbid me from doing stuff like that, I just genuinely prefer the quiet and comfort of being home with my wife and kids than to the chaotic party life which I got more than enough of when I was playing dives in rock bands.
I still get out and do something on my own once in a while and she’s fine with it. Just this weekend, she was kind enough to stay home with the kids while I went out by myself to meet a bunch of relative strangers from the internet at a restaurant. She didn’t even bat an eye when I told her I was giving some chick a ride. My wife’s pretty cool that way and trusts me a lot, but I think I bank a lot of credit by being home and involved most of the time if I’m not at work.
I think there is a difference between not wanting to continue a lifestyle of drinking until 4am and not being able to socialize with your friends anymore or actually do things that you want to do. Look, I’m sure everyone loves their wife. But to have no friends outside of your marriage?
I don’t even want to talk about strip clubs because I can see why a wife of GF my take issue with that.
Maybe I’m just biased because all these girls are basically the same yappy Statan Island, New Jersey and Long Island nutjobs you see in all the Bridezilla shows.
That sounds pussy whipped to me.
See here’s how it works. Guy gets married to a girl he thinks is great. Maybe thay have the occassional nothing argument that people have, but no big deal. Once they are married and she’s locked in, well, those “nothing arguments” happen a lot more often whenever he gets out of line. “I thought we were doing something together tonight”, “I don’t feel well”, “we’re going to my parents’ tomorrow”, “you said you’d fix the shower”, “I don’t want you coming home late”, “you better not do this and that”, “I don’t like soandso”, etc, etc. Eventually it’s like “fuck it, it’s not worth hanging out for a couple of beers to deal with this crap!”.
She might appear tough in front of everyone else probably because she’s pissed off! In the privacy of their own home, she might be a whining, manipulative pain in the ass. You never know.
This is a perfect example of irresponsibility disguised as pussy whipped. Honestly.
Yes, if he made plans with her, he should keep them. You think he should make plans with her and toss them off if something better comes along?
This can indeed be a passive aggressive game people play. But if I don’t feel like going out, why does that make you pussy whipped? Unless I’m insisting you stay home and take care of me, when I really don’t need taken care of.
Assuming he already knew of these plans, damn straight he’d better go to her parents tomorrow. Christ.
You see the pattern yet? Pussy whipped = being a responsible adult. If you don’t want to be a responsible adult, why did you get married?
If my partner said something like that to me and didn’t have a real good reason for it, and I obeyed anyway, the problem would be mine, not his.
Depends on what “this and that” refers to, but if it’s “make plans with me and then forget about them,” or “say you’ll do something and then not do it,” then yep, he’d better not.
I can’t interpret this any way other than to think that pussy whipped = she’s having opinions and thoughts on her own. Can you clarify?
Sometimes the first time one hears about the “other plans” is when you tell your SO your going out somewhere. For example:
Him: I’m going out with some of the guys after work tonight for a few beers
Her: I thought we would have dinner together tonight
Him: Were we supposed to?
Her: No, I just thought it would have been nice.
etc
etc
I do have to agree that I have little sympathy for the “whipped” guys–seems to me they generally “whip” themselves, or, as has been noted, they’re using their SOs as an excuse.
Then again, I’m a feminist.
No, I’m fairly sure she was pretty cool. He was using her as an excuse because he was a lameass.
My daughter’s boyfriend is a musician. She makes demands on him at home (he cooks and does the dishes) but she encourages everything that connects with the band, lets them practice at the house, helps haul stuff to their gigs. But she won’t do dishes or cook. If he wants to eat, he cooks.
I only know one couple where the guy is whipped. His GF is extremely jealous of any time he spends away from her. He bought a Harley, thinking that would give him some time with the boys. She bought one too.
Yep, I agree that that does happen. And if he puts up with that shit, he needs to grow a spine. It’s his problem, not hers.
I can attest that issues with girlfriends/wives are eternal and ubiquitous for bands. Everone who’s been in a band for more than five minutes knows there is always at least one guy in the band who chronically misses practices and/or gigs because of some scheduling or priority conflict with an SO. I saw bands seeking to fill spots who wouldn’t even audition anybody with a serious girlfriend or wife.
While I can’t deny that there is a noticable degree of sexism within the rock musician subculture, I personally think the issues were not about band members being whipped, but about those members simply not having the almost insane level of committment it takes to make a band successful. They aren’t being controlled by their SO, they just aren’t as into the band as everyone else. At some point, they decide that it’s not going to be their whole life anymore and thy gradually drift away from it. The girlfriends wrongly get blamed for the guy just losing interest.
We were talking on a similar subject at work the other day. Lots of times when a woman says, for example, “What do you want for dinner.” and we say “I don’t care.” Well… we really don’t care.
If you said, “Would you like beef or chicken” and we said “Beef”, then we have an opinion, but many men are very comfortable going with the flow. Sometime when we appear to be wishy-washy, we’re simply without an opinion. I know many women seem to see this as some sort of weakness, being without an opinion, but men seem to be very content to have certain unimportant decisions made around them.
I think of it as the predator/prey thinking:
“Can it eat me?”
“No.”
“Can I eat it?”
“No.”
“Then it’s safely ignored.”