I realised that I have never been to a non-religious type of funeral.
What sort of words are said and what sort of general feeling is there among the attendees when (I assume) the majority of those in attendence are not religious or even if they are and the deceased isn’t, what happens then?
To someone who isn’t religious there isn’t that feeling of carrying on into an afterlife and the overall sense of something greater than life on earth. How do you deal with this?
First, that’s not necessarily true. One can be spiritual without being religious, and one can even be atheist or agnostic without discounting the idea of continued existence.
But anyway.
I’ve gone to a few memorial services. There may be a person who “hosts” the service in the way a minister or priest would, but sometimes they’re more communal than that. We’ve sung songs treasured by the deceased, or read poems they loved. We share favorite memories. We show photos of them, and maybe artwork by them, including things they’ve written, if appropriate. Two that I have been to were hosted near water, and we all built wishboats to send out over the water at nightfall in their honor. It’s all as lovely and comforting and sad as any funeral service is, just without the element of prayer or Biblical readings (although those can also be incorporated if appropriate).
For my father, we gathered at his gravesite and I and my aunt (the only ones who weren’t wrecks) just spoke about the things he’d done, the legacy he’d left, and the lives he’d affected. I think I mentioned that I was sad that I hadn’t learned to know him better, some people started crying, and that was that.
My Dad’s cousin had what you might call an atheists funeral. He had his ashes sent over to Co. Down here in Northern Ireland from Brazil for scattering.
We all met up at a pub to say hello, then watched from the side of the old Newry canal as a boat took his children out to have the ashes scattered on the water. After we went back up to the pub. There we toasted the departed and watched a slide show of his life, photos from Ireland to Brazil.
I’d only heard about the guy and never met him, but it was a refreshing change from the Catholic funerals I’d been to before.
I have to disagree with that: “spiritual” and “religious” are pretty much synonyms (if not, define “spiritual”).
Funerals in my family consist of scattering the ashes and people just reminiscing–very casual and unstructured. My sister and I burying our father’s ashes was probably the only good time the three of us ever had together!
Let’s face it - funerals are for the living, anyway. Even if you firmly believe the person is going to a heaven chances are he’s not sticking around to watch himself get burned to a crisp or lowered into the ground.
So we atheists do the same thing you do. Mourn the person we lost, share fond rememberances, and honor the dead in our own way. We just don’t involve a god into it.
We don’t do religious funerals, but when we interred my mom’s ashes, my brother’s girlfriend read two poems. The whole thing took about fifteen minutes.
At my uncle’s memorial service, they just talked about his life and the impact he had on people (which was considerable). He belonged to a Unitarian church; he was in it for the social aspect of it.
We started with music by Bach, then the speaker explained that this was a celebration of my Mum’s life and that there were no responses needed by those present. (There was a sigh of relief - it’s so embarrassing at a religious service when you don’t know what cues to follow).
The speaker went through Mum’s life and achievements. Then more music was played while religious guests were invited to pay silent respect in their own way.
Next Mum had asked me to speak. I told some cheerful stories about her life.
At one point people actually laughed :eek: , then fell silent. I said Mum would have wanted laughter on this occasion.
Then more family members spoke and finally we then left the building to the sound of Louis Armstrong singing ‘When the Saints go marching in’!
As chosen by Mum.
Afterwards I was told repeatedly by the guests that it was the happiest such occasion they had ever been to. And it was a wonderful ‘relief’ for the family too.
You asked ‘To someone who isn’t religious there isn’t that feeling of carrying on into an afterlife and the overall sense of something greater than life on earth. How do you deal with this?’
Well I don’t believe in God or an afterlife. (There’s no evidence.) I think we simply have to do good in this life.
And I know my Mum lives on in our memories of her.
(Plus I don’t have to accept any religious strictures. I know many Christians are gentle and good people. But there is a lunatic fringe in every religion, and that scares me.)
I agree that one meaning of spiritual is ‘concerned with religious matters’.
But another meaning is ‘not concerned with material things’.
So a spiritual person might not contest a will…
My father believed strongly that he wanted to be remembered for living and not have the only monument being to his death - so there was to be no gravestone. He died 25 years ago when he was only 54. He wanted no funeral, so my brohters spread his ashes in a forest as he had asked. He wanted to be talked about and so live on in that way - just as I am doing now.
So there is no grave and was no funeral. There was no more loved father.
My mother, brothers and I will follow his example. We are all atheists. Eternal life is not a very appealing option.
