All that may be true. But it’s a shame that putting a kid–gifted or not–in a situation where things could potentially slow down a bit, so that maybe anxiety or other issues can be accounted for and controlled–is seen as “punishment” or something that will negatively affect her self-esteem, rather than as a potential solution (temporary or permanent).
In another thread, people are bemoaning society’s tendency to over medicate and medicalize. My opinion is that this is a load of bunk for the most part. And yet I can’t help but think this is a good example where a lifestyle change may be in order. Maybe highly sensitive children shouldn’t be thrust into highly competitive rat races unless they demonstrate they have desire and the ability to handle it.
It may be true that withdrawing from the gifted program means she’s out of it once and forever. If that’s the case, that’s a shame. (It’s also shame for the kid who really wants to be there and is capable of being there, but can’t because they didn’t make the cut). But just because gift programs are hard to get into doesn’t mean Frylock should keep the little girl in there at whatever cost.
It’s not good this family is so stretched to the max. Sounds like this girl could benefit from a couple of years of home-schooling.
“I can’t even” is a meme.
To our OP: Go watch the new Pixar movie Inside Out with her. 8 year old girl brains are stewing in hormones and not fully built, and if she’s stressed or working hard at school, she’s melting down at home. Just like a 3 year old having tantrums - they don’t purposefully lose their shit, they just can’t keep it together and lose it on the floor in the grocery store. She’s having hard days at school, gets home to a safe place, and melts down.
I’m confused by this, because it’s not like you to ignore the basic point in a discussion. I totally get that you think she needs more relaxation. But for a child as gifted as what’s been described here, sitting around in a normal classroom would be practically torture. Imagine if you had to spend the next few months doing simple addition and subtraction problems and reading Dr. Seuss 6 hours per day. Would it make you more or less stressed? Because I would be miserable, and so would Celtling.
And homeschooling? Really? that’s just not a helpful suggestion. Does this really sound to you like a family that can just drop everything and stay home with a child all day? You may as well say “Well, just win the lottery, Dearie, what are you waiting for?”
So teachers aren’t allowed to give individualized work assignments for advanced students anymore? If she was just an IQ point short of getting into whatever special program she’s currently in, what kind of education would she receive? Why can’t she receive that level of education?
Is the solution to keep her in the same classroom she’s in, where she isn’t doing well and has shown no desire of wanting to do well, while Frylock figures out how to fit in a doctor’s visit in his very busy schedule? Not to knock the guy too much, but based on his cluelessness about his own health care benefits, I’m not thinking swift turn-arounds are in this girl’s future.
Frylock has not given any indication if the academic underachievement is a recent thing or not. I vaguely remember him complaining about a daughter a year or so ago–I am guessing this is the same daughter. If she was pulling in good grades until recently, then I retract my advice about pulling her out of the gifted program. But if she’s always been a bad student, then I’m really not understanding why she’s being pushed so hard. It’s like making a kid with arthritis run a marathon because he’s got muscular calves. There has to be a way for a kid like this to catch a break without it being perceived as a tragic ego-crushing thing.
I never had to deal with it with my own kids (underachieving is their bag, although they do ok in school most of the time), but I’ve seen it in my work. Lying when they did something right in front of you? I’ve seen them lie while continuing to do it. I’m not sure I’ve seen quite so many different behavior issues in one kid that age, though. 8-9 year olds tend to be my favorite kids to work with.
Don’t think I’ve ever written anything about her before, but I have a terrible memory.
She gets good grades*, and still does, always has, and the homework thing is a recent development.
*While that sentence is literally true, it misses the point a little as it’s arguably more important what her teacher says about her to us in our twice-yearly conferences and in our other conversations with her. And all of that, when on academic topics, is very positive.
It’s referring to the fact that you seem unaware that mental health coverage is pretty basic for health insurance. Everyone, but especially parents of as many children as you have, should know what they are entitled to healthcare wise.
OK, that’s good to know. And that makes me feel like maybe she’s dealing with something that can be easily treated with some kind of intervention–whether behavioral or medical.
I know ya’ll just moved (or ya’ll are about to move). Could she be acting out in reaction to the stress that often entails? The fact that she’s “good” at school makes me think that it’s the home environment that is throwing her in a tailspin.
If your child is acting out, your first question to yourself should be, “Could my kid be sick?” Not, “Lemme go on a message board and confess how much I don’t like her.” So understand that this is where my harsh tone is coming from.
Your posted about this kid last year. You told us then she carries a legacy of mental illness in her genes. So we shouldn’t even have to tell you to get this girl checked out. You should already know this. And that means you shouldn’t be so ignorant about what your healthcare coverage provides.
If I’m feeling frustration over something that doesn’t even personally affect me, I can only imagine how your daughter must feel.
Well, you’ve said, rather dismissively, that you don’t know the status of your children’s insurance coverage for mental health care in this thread. So it clearly wasn’t your first point of action.
Second thought was, “No matter how much I spin this as positive and ‘just a doctor visit,’ my own past dealing with family members with depression etc will show through on my face, and kids pick up on things. Potentially complicating or even traumatizing. I should get more information before moving in that direction.”
Third thought was, “I’ll gather information to find out whether this is normal or extremely abnormal or somewhere in between. I’ll ask her teacher how things are at school. I’ll look into reputable sources of information on child behavior. I’ll ask an admittedly non-random but somewhat wide sampling of parents in various online fora about their experience.”
You do what you want but I’d prefer you not participate in this thread tbh.
I hesitate to post the above because as we all know on the internet any posting about a parent’s thought process is just an invitation to have every bit of it scrutinized by people who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, but the enormous number of unjustified, uncharitable assumptions contained in your motivation for asking the question you just asked demanded a response from me.
You can call me all the names you want, Frylock. I’ll let others judge who between us is being reasonable and who isn’t.
You have a kid who by your own words is at a high risk of developing mental illness and is already manifesting worrying signs. And it doesn’t seem that you have done anything about it over the past year except have some “thoughts” and kvetch to us on the internet. Seriously, what the fuck are you waiting for?
I feel bad that I’ve triggered you to anger. But maybe anger is what you need to be feeling. That is what your daughter is likely feeling all the time, but she’s not mature enough to put it to words. She needs help doing that, so that she doesn’t turn into a teenager who slices her wrists or develops an eating disorder. Or runs away from home because no one seems to get what she’s going through.
Please, I’m begging you–something I’ve never done ever! Stop worrying so much about your children’s self-esteem and do what you need to do as a responsible parent. Maybe it’s just normal kid stuff we’re talking about. If it’s not, it’s not going to “fix” itself. It’s just going to get worse.
I’ll bow out of the thread now before I drive you nuts.