You won’t believe what else this nose-hair trimmer can do!
I don’t fold clothes, I just stuff them back in the drawers.
Drawers? We don need no stinking drawers! That’s what the laundry basket is for.
Sometimes I pee sitting down on the toilet because I am too lazy to get up. But only sometimes.
I do that at night. I don’t want to turn on a light (and have my eyes adjust) to aim, and it’s quieter (learned from having a room-mate).
I reply to any sentence that ends in a ‘D’ sound with a variation of “Deez Nutz!”
Same. I have many male traits.
Tell you I’m a man?
Screw. You. Buddy. I do NOT have to tell you Diddly. Fuck. Ing. SQUAT.
But have a seat, ya wanta beer?
.
I dunno, that’s kind of a sissy thing to do…
“That’s what she said!”
I giggle when someone says the word “heinous”, or says “entertain us”. Heh-heh.
Man giggle. How cute!
My hobbies last summer consisted of perfecting whisky-based drinks with tools I found around the house and grinding an old tree stump to mulch with a splitting maul.
True story.
I can write my name in the snow.
(Oddly enough, I have heard women boast about that more often than men. For women, it is a difficult challenge.)
I can understand why a public-restroom urinal might have a housefly painted onto the back of it.
(true story: I was once traveling with my mother and a female cousin, and we were going through JFK airport. I used the facilities, and saw afore-mentioned painted fly. I’ve always had a great appreciation for clever ideas, and so when I came back out, I told my traveling companions about it. “It’s, um, a reminder to zip up your fly?”)
Having been in the odd men’s room I assure you that’s was not my first thought about why a fly was painted there.
I hope you noticed the scrubby hands sign over the sink.
They have a room specifically for odd men? Probably crowded.
I own several pairs of cargo pants. I wouldn’t buy new track pants that don’t have three pockets.
Do you have any idea how hard those are to find? (Keep in mind, I only shop at Goodwill, but, c’mon, old guys with cargo pants! Donate those!)
But with me, the toilet seat is down half the time. That’s better than nothing.
I have a bunch of identical socks. That way I never have to worry about finding a match. If I have two socks I have a match.